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Mental health

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Original poster

Feeling suffocated by toddler; getting so angry

60 replies

Boneweary · 26/01/2023 18:10

I have NCd for this because to be honest I feel absolutely horrible for how I feel. But I am getting so angry with my toddler. It’s all internal anger and he is spoken to and treated with gentleness and love pretty much all the time.

He is a perfectly normal two year old but I’m finding that so hard. Toys strewn all over the house, falling over them in the kitchen, all over the lounge, everywhere. Climbing on me constantly. Trying to grab things and take them (like I’m trying to sweep up the mess from dinner and he’s trying to grab the dustpan and brush from me) climbing on me and smearing food on me or wiping his nose on my once-clean top. Being unable to walk into the kitchen without him right behind me so I trip when I turn.

It’s normal and I know that but I don’t think how I feel is. And it is just a feeling but I want to shout JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. That’s horrible but true.

Is this normal?

OP posts:

Original poster

Boneweary · 27/01/2023 08:53

you are taking your anger out on them

No, I’m not. My posts are extremely calm and while direct, reasonably polite.

Telling someone that they are wrong is not ‘taking your anger out on them.’ Equally, pointing out that the consequences of an unkind post on this particular board could go beyond just being annoying, is not the action of someone who is angry, it is the truth.

But I don’t think you have read my posts particularly clearly. I have said more than once that DS attends nursery three days a week.

OP posts:

Original poster

Boneweary · 27/01/2023 08:56

I think if I see the word boundary again I am going to start taking my anger out on it! We do love a boundary on here, don’t we?

A two year old playing with toys and cuddling his mum is not ‘lacking boundaries’. He’s just climbed onto my lap - lacking boundaries right there

I think it’s ‘hide the thread’ time - it started off helpful but the boundary police disgusted at my appalling parenting are getting on my nerves a bit now.

OP posts:

Minimalme · 27/01/2023 09:04

My best advice is two-fold:

Life with a two year old is messy and every ounce of energy goes on stopping them 'doing' something. Getting their puddle suit on and going on a fun adventure is usually eclipsed by a tantrum (them) and epic irritation (you).
If you are managing to get through each day and still love them at the end of it, you are doing awesome.

Minimalme · 27/01/2023 09:09

My eldest ds used to bite the backs of my legs when I was in the phone when he was 2. I had to make calls standing on the sofa.

He is 15 and extremely well behaved. He makes me laugh and is loving, kind and in the top set for everything at school.

He did other dastardly stuff at two which was exhausting. He didn't need boundaries. Just patience. Lots and lots of patience.

You are doing great op. Don't let the sanctimonious twats put you down.

SecretVictoria · 27/01/2023 09:12

Could you give him small jobs to help? My mum says when I was around that age my favourite thing to do was to empty all the tins out of the cupboard. She could then clean the cupboards, check dates and so on. Said I was very useful 😁

loveandwarmth · 27/01/2023 09:19

Have you thought about creating some boundaries OP? 🙈

JK!
Have you ever heard of windows of tolerance? So there's a green state in the middle which is where you want to be. At the bottom is blue, if you're feeling.out of it and zoned out. At the top, there's red when you're feeling angry, quick to react etc.
It sounds like your windows of tolerance are small right now so you're getting into that red zone - although it sounds like you're doing an incredible job of hiding it from your 2 year old when it's happening! I have to admit that when I've been feeling not so great, I have definitely snapped when I shouldn't do at my little ones.
My DS1 is 3 now and is lovely, sweet and polite but you always go through these phases where they are harder. It will pass!
If you can, I'd try and think about things that make you happy and calm and try and make more time for it if you can.
Either way this phase for you and for him will definitely pass.
Also excellent replies on here to those who are making up their own version of what goes on in your house.

SalviaOfficinalis · 27/01/2023 09:19

Sorry you haven’t got what you wanted from the thread OP.

Seems like you needed a space to vent/ commiserate rather than receive parenting advice. And everything you’ve said seems completely normal, so it’s not as though the stress is arising because you’re not parenting well.

I find it really hard on the days I have DS at home on my own too, it’s just relentless.

Flipthefrugal · 27/01/2023 09:22

Ok Op then you are going to need to work out why you find your 2 year old sitting on your lap and playing with toys makes you so angry
You described a child constantly climbing on you, wiping food on you and toys everywhere, now it's changed.
You are using this thread to misplace your anger onto others,which really isn't healthy at all, perhaps your GP might be a good plan.
No one is disgusted with your parenting or victorian or a sanctimonious twat just for making suggestions.

Rafferty10 · 27/01/2023 09:27

Op as you are pregnant could you set up a robust playpen ( a big one )with a rug and all the toys in there or a room with a stairgate?
I had 2 under 2 and had stairgates EVERYWHERE, bottom of the stairs, each room etc. I had a 6 ft square playpen with toys in at one end of my kitchen/dining space so l could cook, clean up etc whilst baby and toddler were playing. I could talk to them but know they were not under my feet .
I also had a TV in view of the playpen. At tough moments in the day l would put on cbeebies. Your Ds does not need to be attached to you all the time that must be exhausting!
If you could look at your house and put this in place before your newborn arrives it will be much easier....also as toddlers can be a safety issue for babies , l bought 2 bassinets with handles one for downstairs and upstairs, left them on a place the toddler couldn't reach ie a (safe ) high chest of drawers, so when l needed to put the baby down l had a safe place to put him.

Good luck op....

RememberFlimsy · 27/01/2023 10:34

Boneweary · 27/01/2023 08:56

I think if I see the word boundary again I am going to start taking my anger out on it! We do love a boundary on here, don’t we?

A two year old playing with toys and cuddling his mum is not ‘lacking boundaries’. He’s just climbed onto my lap - lacking boundaries right there

I think it’s ‘hide the thread’ time - it started off helpful but the boundary police disgusted at my appalling parenting are getting on my nerves a bit now.

But if his behaviour makes you angry, then you need to limit it so that you can deal with it. It's unfair to your 2-year-old to feel this level of anger about something he does and then not do anything about it. You seem to be caught up in this idea that he's learning, so you need to let him do what he wants. But he can also learn from his behaviour being directed in a way that makes it easier for you to be with him. Now is the time to teach him to wait, to tidy up etc. Besides, what is he learning exactly by being allowed to leave his toys everywhere?
You clearly only wanted commiseration but if some posters are giving you advice instead, it's because you're making life unnecessarily hard for yourself.

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