Feeling suffocated by toddler; getting so angry

[Boneweary]

I have NCd for this because to be honest I feel absolutely horrible for how I feel. But I am getting so angry with my toddler. It’s all internal anger and he is spoken to and treated with gentleness and love pretty much all the time.

He is a perfectly normal two year old but I’m finding that so hard. Toys strewn all over the house, falling over them in the kitchen, all over the lounge, everywhere. Climbing on me constantly. Trying to grab things and take them (like I’m trying to sweep up the mess from dinner and he’s trying to grab the dustpan and brush from me) climbing on me and smearing food on me or wiping his nose on my once-clean top. Being unable to walk into the kitchen without him right behind me so I trip when I turn.

It’s normal and I know that but I don’t think how I feel is. And it is just a feeling but I want to shout JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. That’s horrible but true.

Is this normal?

Some bonkers comments on here. Glad you feel better for getting it off your chest OP, I’d step away from this thread now. Some posters just love to berate OPs looking for a listening ear - perceived ‘poor parenting’ of toddlers seems to attract it in droves. Anyway, hope you manage to have a relaxing evening before another day with your feral, boundary-less toddler tomorrow

Well I hardly did that did I? That’s such an exaggeration. I did not say ‘you’re a shit mum and your child is feral’.

But if your son is pushing you to your limit then it’s clear whatever you’re doing to discipline him isn’t working; at least it isn’t working for you.

If you just wanted a general moan you should’ve said, but it seemed you wanted advice. My style is soft soapy but I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just direct.

@Cuppasoupmonster it isn’t about whether you’re trying to be mean or not. But for someone who is apparently very keen for certain standards of behaviour to be adhered to you don’t seem to understand that yours was not appropriate or wanted here.

As it is, I’m just exhausted and feeling guilty and overwhelmed. I can deal with (as @VivaVivaa has said) bonkers comments. Someone else might have found your comments really distressing. Look on the board, read what is actually said, not what you decide is said.

Wow at some of these comments nobody told me my just turned 2yo should respect boundaries and not climb me or be under my feet all the time!
You clearly have enough sense OP to know your toddlers behaviour is completely normal (unlike some) so just here in solidarity from another mum who had to stop herself shouting at ds this evening when he jumped on top of me to hug me and headbutted me in the process

I love their enthusiasm but it is exhausting isn’t it?! Solidarity here.

Pleaaaase never have children. For the sake of their own mental health. And if you’ve already had then, please check in on them. You sound like the worst candidate for a parent

A child doing NORMAL things should not be punished. He is 2. His brain is absolutely not developed enough to be taught personal space, trying to play with items that someone is holding,

The poster is clearly experiencing burn out BUT she’s totally aware this is normal behaviour. She just needed to vent (and a rest - I hope she gets it soon!) but you are literally trying to push adult norms onto a small child and I genuinely hope you don’t have kids of your own, because your parenting style is very Victorian. “Yes well in my day we were abruptly told not to do things like this” - I’m sorry your parents punished you for simply being a curious child

“but we turned out fine” - I beg to differ.

Exhausting is about right.
I work 6 days a week and always feel so guilty that I don't get enough time with ds, I try to be so mindful every evening and on my day off of spending quality time with him but its bloody hard when your trying to get things done and they just always seem to be in the way!
My ds is also a rubbish sleeper still, I swear I feel rage when I get woken up multiple times a night, then I feel guilty all over again in the morning when he gives me a wake up kiss.
Like you say, it's totally normal behaviour from them, and it's also normal for us to feel burnt out and exhausted by it sometimes!

My youngest ds is 20 months and he's constant, non-stop into everything, every cupboard and drawer must be emptied (especially while I'm trying to put it all back in!) He wants to be on top of me when I sit down for a few mins. He wants to eat what I'm eating. He also wants whatever I'm holding at any given moment.

Completely normal behaviour but so exhausting isn't it. I don't get breaks, I'm a sahm doing my degree, can't afford nursery so have to do it when he sleeps. Life is hard and so stressful but worth it at the end of the day.

I love my little tornado to bits and cherish the cuddles but really do feel like im goin mad at times.
i feel you op

Fellow feral toddler owner here! Also pregnant and my DS seems to think I am his own personal climbing frame. Not to mention shoving his grubby little hands in my face, in my hair, on my clothes whenever he eats anything. First word learnt this week “no” … it’s like having a miniature Jim from the Vicar of Dibley living with me. Just very clingy and wants me in his eyesight at all times. No advice but solidarity.

DS has recently learned ‘sorry’ but hasn’t quite got the context … pouring water on the floor ‘sorry’ - wasn’t a random act of God there, DS!

I’ve concluded ideally you need adults, preferably adults in the same boat as you, to enjoy toddlers properly. With another adult around DS is hilarious but when it’s just me it’s so draining.

Oh my love yes all completely normal toddler behaviour and your feelings are equally completely normal too. You sound a fab mum and pregnant too so got it all going on.

If I say the most annoying thing to hear 'enjoy it goes so fast!' You can mentally punch me in the face I too felt this way when mine were little. Xx

Try to see this as a journey and it gets easier and better as they get older which is every day so it's changing quickly. Do use me time for yourself and not to do chores. It's fine to feel frustrated. I used to open a window and yell to get feelings out. This too will pass honestly. He will be bigger than you before you know it! Hang in there xx

Spare dust pan and brush and other safe cleaning equipment or toddler versions are what I'd recommend! My toddler is very similar sounding to yours and he is fiercely strong willed so wants to 'help' but without any help from me. Gets frustrated a lot. He really enjoys 'helping'! And a pregnancy massage is the second thing is recommend! Something nice and peaceful just for you, on your own. X

Victorian because I tell my kid not to snatch my food 🙄 yep the natural follow on would be a workhouse wouldn’t it? I’ll make enquiries in the morning.

God I hate the age of 2- hated it with my first and hate it with my second- love them both to bits but for me it is the hardest age. Give me a newborn any day.

For your sanity OP do you get out enough?
I survive by going out lots, less time to mess the house and the fresh air clears my cob webs of stress- and taking time to myself. Hours at the weekend where you can pass over the childcare duties.

Cultivate an inner voice that just tells you how amazing you are doing.

I still have mine now. It's good at 0630 with two reluctant teens to wake and drive to the bus, packed lunches to make, dishwasher to do. I'm not morning person at all, I really struggle.

So I say to myself "wow!! You're doing it! Your getting two teens to school on time! You doing amazing!"

Or "wow two nice pack lunches done and all before 7am! You're doing brill!l"

I realise this sounds mad and as eldest teen would say - "praising the bare minimum" - she says I indulge her brother by praising him for remembering to brush his teeth. She's right too.

But bugging yourself up for the basics is what helps you get through... so be it!

• if bigging yourself up ...

Lmaooo. Tell all you want. A 2 year old can only be shamed/scared into learning you don’t snatch, at that age.

She’s 3 and a half. If you ask her why we don’t hit or snatch she will tell you it isn’t kind. So either my daughter is stunningly emotionally mature or it turns out kids can somewhat understand when something annoys someone else.

@Cuppasoupmonster
Quite a big difference developmentally between a just two year old and and three and a half year old, isn't there?

I'm too tired to type something complex, but just to say I feel you! You need a break and try to identify your triggers. I bought some filtering ear plugs to reduce the sensory input. Mine also seem to finally have understood that they cannot climb on me when I am crouched down, it fucking boils my piss! Also, it is OK to just not allow certain things that really set you off. We have a no wheels in the kitchen for example. You probably need to accept that some jobs can't be done whilst he's around. On the upside, others can, very easily!

There is a huge difference between just two and three and a half. It’s like me finding a post by someone with a six month old and berating them because they aren’t crawling yet ‘you need boundaries. She can’t expect you to carry her everywhere’

Thanks everyone. @OnlyFoolsnMothers I think that’s a biggie: we normally are out and about a lot but apart from a toddler group yesterday we weren’t, partly because I had a boring but necessary ‘life admin’ type appointment and partly because I felt so sick. I think today after our class and nap we’ll feed some ducks - I’m sure they will be grateful after this cold snap

God OP, your 2 year old is not at the same developmental stage as a child almost twice their age? You really must get better at this parenting thing you know!

Totally agree with this.
Tbf to @Cuppasoupmonster you are taking your anger out on them.
Clearly a 2 year old can't modify their behaviour out of their own choice yet but if it makes you so angry then you can make some changes.
Toys -cleared up in a box after playing.
Gently say no to climbing on you and step away, move away
Food-all food eaten at the table, hands wiped before he gets down
Dustpan and brush -sweep up just before he gets down.
Sorry to ask but do you have issues with boundaries Op?
I mean with other people?
Feeling hopeless/ intense anger is a sign that you self abandon
It's OK to have them around your DC, even though he's only 2.
Once he starts playgroup/ nursery there will be gentle guidance there and no it's not victorian to instill manners and behavioural boundaries in your child.

I agree with PPs that you need to set some boundaries. Teach him to clear away the toy he was playing with before he gets another one out. Teach him that he can't have the brush because you're using it, he will either have to use his own or wait until you've finished with yours. Teach him he doesn't get to climb all over you because you need a break or whatever. It sounds like you are confusing "letting him learn stuff" with "letting him do whatever he wants because he's 2". Now is the time to set some boundaries, by the time he's 4 it will be twice the hard work.