Dh memory problem - should I be concerned

[Forgoodnesssakemeagain]

Not sure where to put this thread. I have chosen here as his problem is affecting me a lot.
im unsure if I should be concerned or annoyed at dh but think I am more concerned.
his memory is really a problem and I don’t know what it could be? I have said it’s like he as dementia at times as that’s the only way I can describe it. I have wondered if he has adhd or asd so maybe this could be it but what else could it be? Should I be concerned or he is just being a man and not listening to me?

he often says things and then doesn’t remember he has said things or we discuss things and he doesn’t remember and asks the same again.
ita really hard to live with and I don’t understand it. We were just with my dad and he asked my dad if he had read the card my son had written to him with a lovely verse in and I had to remind my dh that my son had read it to hi. Earlier. He had no clue that had happened but it was only a few hours earlier and he sat and watched him do it..

If its a new thing I'd definitely get it seen to. I'm exactly the same however I have epilepsy and the medication causes it I think. Drives my mum bonkers but she's so used it now she's integrated it into her life if that makes sense.

My husband is way older than yours and is experiencing similar issues...word retrieval problems, forgetting stuff, frustration and getting angry over silly things. The next minute he's forgotten the nastiness. We are both concerned about dementia and he's currently having tests.

Text message because it is a written record and if the other person doesn’t accept the extent of their memory issues it may help them at least accept that it must have been said and agreed even if they don’t remember it

Is he coping at work, anything reported by friends or family?

OP, you could fill this in
adhduk.co.uk/adult-adhd-screening-survey/

Do you think it’s progressing? Forgive me if I’m wrong but I don’t think that adhd is a progressive condition in the way that a dementia is.
Has your DH got much history of playing rugby, football, boxing etc, or drinking large quantities of alcohol?

I don’t want to scare you but this website has lots of information about rare dementias that might help you www.raredementiasupport.org/

I know someone who has recently been diagnosed with early onset dementia in their 50's. Their wife took them to the GP after noticing they were no longer able to process/implement from instructions (they went to a class to learn a new hobby) and their hand writing got very poor. Now he has been diagnosed, things from many years ago make sense (such as an inability to play board games and other simple similar tasks). I am by no means an expert but just thought I would share some of their symptoms for you to think about. Do you think you could take him to do see a GP to share your concerns together like my friend did?

My mum was diagnosed at 60 and we had to really push for it as the GP wouldn't do it and said to my mum "you don't have dementia do you". My sister went with her one time and broke down in the surgery and our concerns were only then taken seriously. She didn't think there was anything wrong and it was distressing for her to hear us saying that she was forgetting things or not doing things etc. so she would get frustrated upset and angry as they simply don't know that they are doing these things. We were told that stress, anxiety isolation and depression can worsen it.

Forgetting things, putting things in the wrong place leaving keys in the door are all things I do and she did at the same age but I don't know if that was just stress, tiredness or an early dementia starting point. I also suspect that we may both have adhd, my sister has just been diagnosed. We joke about our memories but whilst we really may not remember something it does usually come back to us it just takes time.

This is a very difficult place to be and at such a young age too. I wish you all the best and hope you get support. I think a pp have good advice to keep records.

How recently has he had a hearing test? Worth including in any investigations if only to rule out that he isn't hearing you and is masking that.

Thank you it’s so great to be able to discuss these concerns and be heard. Really good ideas. I have an appointment tomorrow on my own to ask but I imagine it will be the same- take a diary which I have started doing. I thought there may be a link between when he is over whelmed or not giving me full attention so started to make him stop and listen if it’s something important but it seems that hasn’t worked.
The one yesterday he said maybe he wasn’t concentrating so I’m not sure but I will have to keep seeing if there is a link mr how often it happens as a starter. I just feel more confident that it’s not just me and there is a real problem that needs addressing as I can’t live with it anymore

Yes I have done this- I text him with a list of things to bring to my mums recently as I was meeting him there and my dad had requested a few items- he turned up without them though.. it turns out as we had a few texts after the list he didn’t register the list

Thank you, no sport but was in the emergency services and did have an accident 20 years ago on duty in which he sustained a head injury

Does he take any medication?

DH was like this for a few months after starting gabapentin. When I finally made the connection we spoke to the GP who tapered him off it and onto an alternative. He was like a different man.

No medication taken

@Forgoodnesssakemeagain just wondered if alcohol is involved?
I don't necessarily mean excessive alcohol but my husband doesn't remember things even on a couple of beers.

No he hardly drinks or anything any other substances

There is a distinct forgetting and a not listening patter whilst I think about it. So the forgetting is when I have either said something or we have had an active conversation which he can’t remember and the listening is when he either asks something we or someone else has just said or mis heared. I remember one time we were visiting my daughters new school and there was a treasure hunt. They were clearly explaining you had to take the map do the hunt and then come back for the chocolate. He answered and nodded throughout and then as we went to walk away said to my daughter “take your chocolate bar then” we all (including daughter) looked at him and the woman said no you have to do the hunt first! He laughed and said oh ok then.. I was so embarrassed and was an example of what he does to me- seems to be present and listening bit clearly something else is happening.. he then got cross at me when I asked what happened ..

Sorry, I forgot to add to my post that the person also would either forget to pay bills or pay them twice. Paying the bills was always his job in the marriage, Those sorts of ‘silly’ mistakes.

This was my first thought too. Especially if he’s always been a nightmare with ‘stuff’ and you suspect undiagnosed ADHD and I would hope for all of you that it isn’t something more sinister.
We had the forgetting conversations, repeating himself etc with FIL and following an ear hoovering and new hearing aids he’s right as rain again. He just would not admit it and was trying to fake understanding until we all pointed out how bad it actually was.

Perhaps follow up conversations you have with him with a quick text or even an email?

That way he will see that the conversation happened and that may convince him to see a doctor.

My STBXH has always been very forgetful and easily distracted. He doesn’t listen properly to me, but will if it’s something that interests him. I believe he conveniently forgets things when he wants to get the upper hand. His memory does seem to get worse as he ages.

Ive also had the thing I didn’t want present, but I put that down to not actually listening to me properly. As in ‘please don’t get me lurex leggings’ turns into ‘ blah blah blah get lurex leggings’

The thing with the Christmas card sounds worrying, unless he was on his phone or watching TV when it happened. My Dd and I were always surprised that when my husbands was focussing on one thing it blotted out anything else that was happening in the room.

I can certainly ask him to check hearing (I am planning on speaking to the dr and then approaching him in the new year)
my gut tells me it’s not hearing though as we will talk back and forth about things I feel it’s more zoning in and out of bits of the conversation maybe?

I don’t recall him being on his phone whilst the card thing was happening but I’m def going to look out for these things to try and see a pattern. It takes me by surprise though so it’s hard to keep a mental note of all surroundings. As far as I can track we were all in the small room watching the card being read the tv was off and he was sat next to me. I can’t understand why he a few hours later he then asked if he had seen the card..

Your last post just reminded me of something else.

I think it came up when my DDs school report said something along the lines of ‘she must make sure she reads and understands all the question/homework before answering. She is losing marks because she is giving answers to a question that was not asked’

My MIL was in the room and said this was exactly what my husbands school reports used to say.

When I thought about it, I realised this would explain a lot of things and why he didn’t properly listen or remember.

we will talk back and forth about things I feel it’s more zoning in and out of bits of the conversation maybe?
Not trying to push the hearing thing if your instincts are that it isn’t that, but it’s worth mentioning that hearing issues that can mean he’s ok 1:1 and face to face as he can hear more clearly and can possibly even lip read a bit. In groups though and situations with background noise, like the example you gave about the school treasure hunt, it can be really difficult.

@Toomanysleepycats is there a reason for the problems do you think? I could t see if you had mentioned.
@FlounderingFruitcake no you are not pushing but helping as I will definitely explore this too thanks