To complain about this **trigger warning suicide**

[BipolarWhypolarTrypolar]

So I've been in the worst depression of my life since September. It reached crisis point last Wednesday and I felt suicidal. I spent most of the day trying to get referred to the local crisis team as I thought they were supposed to help with this.
I didn't get anywhere despite about 10 phone calls to the GP and perinatal.

I made a plan to end my life and started trying to enact it.
The GP called me back and heard what was happening so she called an ambulance and asked for me to be admitted to hospital.

The paramedics came and thought it would be better for me to be cared for in the community. They were here for about an hour, did a really accurate assessment and were compassionate, patient and helpful. I felt very guilty about taking up their time.

They phoned and phoned until they got through to someone who was supposed to sort out community support. I was told this would happen same-day and that because it was in place to be seen same-day at home, I wouldn't need to go into hospital.

I was still in a very bad place. 7pm I got a phone call saying the crisis team would be out the next morning.
Ok. Husband put me to bed in the hope I'd sleep through the worst emotions and feel a bit better tomorrow. This is new territory for both of us as I've never felt this strongly depressed before.

I got up to find out the crisis team had come and when husband said I was asleep and should he wake me, they said it was fine and they could come back at 2.
It was not fine. They didn't come back at 2.

After four more calls they finally came out after 5. They did no assessment of my suicide risk or depression, seemed to not believe anything I said.
Husband was there at the time. They ignored him.

They bounced me back to perinatal (who are not a crisis team but are doing their best) and we got no ongoing support from the crisis team.
Wednesday 16th I made a second attempt to end my life.

Today I received a letter from them in which they said they assessed me on 10th November as having "no risk of suicide" and that they had "no role in supporting her (me)." They also included a bunch of stuff that wasn't true and God knows where they got all that from.

AIBU to put in a complaint that this crisis team didn't actually assess my suicide risk or mention it or assess my depression, didn't give any support, and now have sent a letter full of lies to cover their own arses? I'm really angry and also shocked that the people who were supposed to be the last resort to help before going into hospital have done this.

I am still suicidally depressed, I'm trying my best to manage the waves of depression myself, but now I don't know who to call if I go into another crisis because these people are obviously utterly unhelpful and have made up their minds that they don't want to help me, which makes it less likely that I'll pick up the phone next time.

I'm so sorry you're struggling and that the crisis team aren't helping, hugs. They are awful.

Honestly crisis teams aren't fit for purpose any more. I would advise that if you feel your at risk go to A&E explain what's going on and ask to speak to psych liason. Also get the perinatal team to put in any support that they can in place

@SnowyMouse Thank you. I just can't believe the people who are supposed to help would be like this. I know services are stretched etc but still.

@hugznotdrugz thanks, do they actually help at A+E? I'm scared of going in because I don't know what happens afterwards.

I’m so sorry OP. I’m going through something very similar. Also with bipolar. I’ve had all my medication stopped with no explanation as to why and no one cares.

I’m so sorry that you are struggling

I went through a depression in 2019 and I felt the care for mental health crisis was poor. I was told I needed a psychiatrist and counselling but they put me on a 10 month waiting list. I went private in the end. My family took me to a and e a few times and waited to speak to the crisis team but every time they saw me they’d do a brief assessment then send me home with leaflets and a number to call.

The fact you are trying to get help is such a brave step and it is awful you aren’t being cared for in the way you need to be

Do you have a baby? It’s worth living for your child. I hope you get the help you need x

I think I would go to a and e and demand help
I’m so sorry OP

You’ve never met someone who is suicidal have you?

@BipolarWhypolarTrypolar I can't say what your local hospital is like but I've seen psych liason at 3 different hospitals (2 in Cheshire one in Staffordshire) and they've always been amazing- I've had several psych admissions and all them started similar to yours (crisis team being asked to get involved and them not doing it)

They're also really good for getting things put in place.

I don't know your local area but some have crisis beds (which is sort of a halfway thing before psych admission but still somewhat home care) thar are staffed 24/7 it could be good to see if your area has anything like that?

@AAthenaPopodopolous that's ridiculously unhelpful

Fucking hell

@Boooooot I'm sorry you're having problems with your medication. That's awful. << doesn't quite cover it, but it's all I've got.

Clap, clap NHS! 🙄

I am so sorry OP, if it gives you any solidarity at all, my experience of MH care (gaslighting, denial, complete failure to respond to anything, then stonewall) is exactly the same. Can you afford to go private? I had to do so to get any help but the relief when I did was rapid.

Can you ask the GP to refer you to a psychiatrist? Some AD's can be taken during pregnancy - I continued to take mine because my suicide risk was perceived to be a greater risk to the baby. My sister also did so having developed prenatal psychosis - luckily in Australia, where her care was superb.

Yes I have a baby. She's wonderful and perfect and in my worst moments I'm sure she deserves a better mum. I love her so much, I think she's the only thing I'm holding on for right now but unfortunately she can't fix me.

Ah sorry OP I misread as prenatal! :)

Oh my love, you poor thing. Yes, they were shockingly bad, and it seems they’re dishonest, too. Please do complain. I’ve had PND though not as bad as yours, my heart goes out to you. It does get better, I promise. Please be kind to yourself. Big hugs.

Hi op, that sounds like you're having an awful time and you are so right that you deserve help and support and you are absolutely entitled to ask for it. Well done for reaching out because sometimes that can feel like the hardest thing in the world to do. If you are feeling like you just cannot keep yourself safe in the community and you are feeling suicidal and can't stop yourself from acting on it then you can go straight to a+e you don't need to go back through the community team. You should be priority admission at entry to a+e and should be seen reasonably quickly and they will assess you there. You will need to be clear with them that you cannot keep yourself safe at home if you feel it would be safer for you to be admitted to a ward for round the clock support. They will initially try to encourage you to go home because for a lot of people they do tend to do better at home, but that doesnt mean it's the right thing for everyone ag you can say that you have tried that and it didn't help. I think you'd be within your rights to make a complaint about the community team if their service was subpar and they didn't assess how safe you actually were.

She doesn’t deserve a better mum - there isn’t a better mum! You’re her perfect mum, you’re just poorly at the moment. Enjoy her.

@Deguster @MRSDoos can either of you recommend a private psychiatric service? I've previously used one but they've recently been given a huge NHS contract so waiting times are now 6 months for appointments and I'm not massively flush with money atm. They've got me on the cancellation list though.
@hugznotdrugz thanks that's reassuring. I have no idea what we have locally, I've only been back in the UK 3 months so it's all a bit new to me. I'll see if the perinatal team know anything about crisis beds.

Namechange fail. Shit. Reported self.

Before anyone jumps on me for inaccuracies if they do a search on my regular username I'd like to explain that I usually change minor life details to not be outing and also removed my second DC to make this post less outing too. Bollocks.

We all do that! So,times if one of my kids has wound me up (and they’re adults) I’ll have it in my head that they’re the ones I’m not counting this time 😏

@BiBipolarWhypolarTrypolar what area do you live? (You can message me if you don't want to put it on the thread) I have pretty good knowledge of MH in most areas

Yes, don't let this terrible treatment go unchallenged. Whatever the reason for it was it shouldn't't have happened.

I was in your situation once, I really saw no way out of the terrible, all consuming feelings I was suffering. It took a lot of work and antidepressants but over three years later I am in a very positive place. It is hard work but not impossible to feel better.