Suicidal

[Anonsuicidal]

I’m not sure why I am here. But I am close to breaking. I am already on antidepressants and have been for years. I am lonely and all alone at 37. I’m single and have no children. I have little family. I find it very difficult to share and a lot of the time feel like a wind up toy, wind me up and I’ll say what you want to hear. I have been single a long time, I would like children but realize that probably won’t happen now. I can’t cope with another thirty or forty years feeling like this. I live alone, I work full time. I spend my days off alone.

@Anonsuicidal thank you for sharing this, it's very brave of you. I'm here and listening. You say you've been low for a number of years but has anything happened lately to make you feel suicidal like this? x

We're here to listen. The world is better with you in it. You sound lonely, do you have anyone in real life to talk to? If not you'll find plenty of support on here.
I'd suggest talking to your GP, your meds may need adjusting. Or have you thought about the Samaritans? My daughter found them very useful

All I can say op is you have done the right thing opening up if you feel like you are in immediate danger of self harm please call 999

I guess realizing I’m more alone than I thought. And I can go days without anyone checking in or speaking to anyone. I feel guilty for feeling like this as I don’t have any massive problems. Even doing this makes me feel so silly.

Don't feel silly, your feelings are valid.

It’s not silly at all. Can you volunteer or do a hobby that means you get a chance to talk to people?

You are allowed to feel anything you feel. There is no handbook for coping with life, no rules for what emotions you are can have.

You can be alone, it doesn't mean you are lonely. You have yourself. You have your feelings. You don't need anyone else validating that.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this.
It’s good to open up about your feelings - there are so many people out there who can help you through this.

Where can I get help, I want to stop feeling like this. Thank you for listening.

Loneliness is a big thing OP, it's not a silly thing to feel sad about. I promise things can get better than this, it doesn't have to be this for the next 30 years.

It’s okay to reach out to people. You don’t have to wait for them to check in on you. Glad you’ve posted here.

I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this, I can only suggest as a pp has If things get really bad please contact the Samaritans
I don’t have any practical solutions but I hope the messages on here have helped you.

It’s not silly at all, I know how you feel as I’ve been there myself. I somehow managed to get to a better place and I hope you can too.

I can promise you that you’re not the only person who feels alone if that helps? Even people with children do feel lonely.

Do you have a good GP that you can discuss your anti depressants with? Is it time to review them if you’ve been on them a long time?

You mustn't feel silly - feeling like you're not 'allowed' to feel sad is only going to compound these feelings. Your feelings are valid BUT theres a good chance they are not an accurate reflection of reality (feelings aren't facts). You are special and important and there are people in this world who love you. You're not in the right mind to tell yourself any of this so I will instead. As others have said above if you feel like you are going to harm yourself you must seek immediate help (999). What have you got planned for tomorrow? Can you see someone or can you do something nice for yourself? (even a small thing. Be kind to yourself) x

Yes I think I need to get them reviewed as they don’t seem to be helping like they used to. Thanks for your advice, I think I do need to reach out I just find it very hard to show how I’m feeling.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website
or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

Reading between the lines you are going through things nobody understands right now. You are alone with your feelings. You don't know who to share them with.

Please, reach out and speak to someone. Right now you feel alone, but one day you won't.
Right now there is a recession happening, but I swear to god it wont last forever, just like whatever you are going through.

Sorry you're feeling that way OP 💐

I just want to second what someone else said: definitely try volunteering! At a community garden, befriending service, youth club, museum, etc

Being so busy that you just crash at the end of the day instead of having time to think is a really good way to not be swamped by those feelings.

Start by contacting your GP and let them know how you're feeling. Get meds reviewed but also ask for a referral to therapy.
Then when you're ready try to spend some time thinking about the things in life that really interest you, think about what matters to you and then if you can try to build a life that includes more of that.
Take care OP

Do you feel like you are in a place to share what you are going through?

I know Mumsnet has it's fair share of prople who say awful things, but those people are probably going through lifes ups and downs themselves and acting out their frustrations.

I'm a big believer in compassion and dropping the judgement. We are all only human afterall.

I am not quite there yet. But I feel close to bursting, that’s why I think I’ve posted tonight.

Have you thought about therapy? You could do zoom if you don't like the thoughts of face to face. A lot of counselling colleges offer low cost counselling. That would be a place to start because by talking in a safe place you learn to verbalise your feelings. First with the therapist, then you start feeling safe to start relating to others and gradually make your world a bit bigger.

I know I have a tendency to push people away. I was the complete opposite when I was younger, now I just can’t open up. I think a therapist could help. Thanks

Do you feel in anyway able to say why your close to bursting?
I understand you reluctance to say if you are not the kind of person to share, but life throws curve balls and they can derails us. It is perfectly normal to feel helpless over things that are absolutely dreadful.

I had a friend who was single and lived alone. He was the life and soul of the party but one night he got drunk and said almost exactly what you've just said- that he was sick of spending his weekends speaking to no one but the Tesco cashier. He was 39. A few months later on my birthday he met my best friend for the first time and now they're married with two kids. I know it's a meet-cute sort of story that maybe feels unhelpful but he was terminally single and sad and dealt lonely, but his life turned around so quickly. It can happen.