Suicidal

[Anonsuicidal]

I’m not sure why I am here. But I am close to breaking. I am already on antidepressants and have been for years. I am lonely and all alone at 37. I’m single and have no children. I have little family. I find it very difficult to share and a lot of the time feel like a wind up toy, wind me up and I’ll say what you want to hear. I have been single a long time, I would like children but realize that probably won’t happen now. I can’t cope with another thirty or forty years feeling like this. I live alone, I work full time. I spend my days off alone.

You are 37 years old. Back then "cry it out" was the parenting advice. When infants cried to get their needs met they were ignored. This has led to a lot of people who simply can not communicate directly how they feel. It is not your fault OP.

You say what you have learnt what people want to here to get your needs met, however, that's not meeting you needs at all.

Please reach out to someone privately or however you feel able. 🙏

Hope you’re doing ok today OP. Break things down into small steps, I know it’s very hard to share how you’re feeling with others but the best thing I ever did was to tell my GP. The feeling of despair wasn’t quite as bad from then on for me. I hope that helps you too.

I call Samaritans when things are really bad and it does help. I couldn't tell my closest friends the things that trouble me so to be able to say it to someone out loud is very healing. I have had more moments of feeling suicidal since having children due to the weight of responsibility and lack of support so I don't think having children is the answer, necessarily.
You are still young and so much can happen in your life in a short space of time - It did for me. If your current way of life isn't working, you could introduce something new. A new club, sport, volunteer job, hobby but I realise that can all seem overwhelming at a time when you feel deeply sad.

Thank you, I’m still much the same. I’m extremely irritable today but feel a little lighter if that makes sense

Hi @Anonsuicidal been thinking of you today. How is your evening going? X

I feel better getting things off my chest. I’m trying to find ways to change things but I’m struggling.

Hi OP - the shorter days (less daylight) aren't great for those already in depression. As others have said, can you make an appointment with your GP as soon as you can and have them increase your anti-depressants? I've had similar thoughts in the past. I always have to increase anti-depressant dosage in winter (Dec-Feb are very hard for me because of seasonal affective disorder) and I decrease it again in March or April when I feel better.

It'll take a couple of weeks to kick in. But it will hopefully stop the thoughts and give you enough motivation to try a few new things.

If it helps getting things off your chest, let us know how you get on x.