Fired! Now what!

[Pinkypong]

Hi, I posted before, I just got a new job after ages as a sahm. It was a wonderful role with prospects and I’ve been let go. My it skills are not enough. I’m not what she thought I would be.
im devastated. I can’t sleep. It took me so long to find this role. Worse, it took some of the stress off Dp and he’s started to look almost jolly. How do I tell him? What do I tell the teens? How do I get another job?
I’m feeling so stupid, I’m an older mum and I’ve just been lost ever since moving here, now I’m ancient and unemployable. I just seem to have struggled for years and been lost now I’m ancient and lost. I honestly don’t think I can cope with whatever else life throws at me. It’s exhausting and lonely and oh so rubbish. I can’t understand what happened. Just a waste. Please help me get back on track.

Dh just bought me a coffee! Now I am confused!

All the spouting off about her husband is the usual MN thing and deflects from the issue at hand.
If my partner was wallowing in self pity and I was solely responsible for all the bills I would be annoyed- it's not abusive to be pissed off for goodness sake!
The OP needs to upskill herself, see a doctor about her anxiety and it doesn’t help blowing smoke up her arse.

Thanks Mookie! I got stuck in the well of ‘he’s abusive’ before and it didn’t do me any favours but led to a very confused and upsetting time. Dh is right, I need to contribute and it’s finding a way how.

To berate your partner and yell at them is abusive.

To prevent your partner from working on the one hand, and then suddenly decide they need a "career" at 59 and hound them about it is awful behaviour.

Setting conditions on the type of job OP can take, looking down on things like retail work? How is that helpful? If he was so concerned about the bills, surely he'd be happy with her getting any job.

Yes OP should deal with her anxiety and she has been given advice on steps she can take to deal with that. However it seems obvious to almost everyone here that her husband is a big contributing factor to that anxiety.

Your husband doesn't get to tell you what to do, if you can find a way of detaching from him when he is being critical, this may help. As far as work goes, do you think you are ready to go back to any job with such overwhelming anxiety?
Perhaps you could spend some time out of the house (does your husband work from home?) to go for a walk every day, perhaps go to a library where you can peacefully look into opportunities without any pressure?
I don't think taking the first job you see is necessarily the best thing for you. Decide how much mental load you can do first, then look for work that supports this.
And I don't mean well I can probably cope with 30 hours a week but that will be a strain on my mental health.......rather, if I have x hours free per week, this will allow me to rest/recover/have some gentle me time. Think of it as health insurance-please look after yourself, and don't allow your husband's anger to destroy you. Maybe he is genuinely worried about money, but your health should be his only priority. It sounds like he is very self-indulgent and controlling, it sounds hard for you.

Thank you, the doctor has just said the same thing.
To be fair to Dh, he has been through an awful lot in the last few years, he just wants money coming in so he doesn’t feel all the pressure.

I agree with the practical steps suggested and also second the civil service or healthcare work (I'm doing that part time while I retrain). There are plenty of hours available and it's very rewarding.

Your husband is being very unfair in that he is berating you for every possible outcome. Of course it is not guaranteed that you can walk back into an equivalent job after years out of the workforce raising kids. There is value in all the interim or entry level jobs he is trying to veto. If you can try and find a way to zone him out or seriously tell him he is not helping, that would be good.

This last job, I would try and see it as a freshener for your CV and mainly a misfire on the behalf of the employer rather than any of the negative things your or your husband have been pinning on you. She misjudged the scope of the role and the skillset needed then did not give you the chance of any training. It's highlighted where you may need to improve, but in many organisations you would have been given the opportunity to do so and prove yourself, rather than being shown the door.

Hey you're being bloody horrible to yourself, please be kind. Sometimes jobs just aren't the right fit. It happens fairly regularly. A few points:

#1 you got the job, that's the hardest bit and you nailed it. Congratulations. It only says good things about you, your personality and capabilities.

#2 All the software you've listed are easy to pick up on the job and most companies will use them in specific ways anyway, so it's best they teach you. Was it actually your boss that's IT incompetent? It sounds like she freaked out at the thought of having to train you. Unless you broke something then her letting you go seems very knee jerk.

#3 Don't bog yourself down with a long list of skills you need to learn. It won't happen and you'll just beat yourself up. I joined a company.where instead of PowerPoint they used Adobe InDesign. I was open about this and said I'd learn on the job. In my first month I found a friendly colleague at my level who was very good at ID and asked for tips/made notes. I also booked onto a 1 day Saturday course. It gave me what I needed and I didn't have to go to my boss. But really no company should hire and expect not to train

#4.donr forget you can speculatively approach businesses, you obviously interview/ present well. Theres nothing stopping you singling out a.few local businesses and walking in with a.tqilorrd CV and asking for a chat. Even if they simply keep you on file until they do have opportunities.

A night away from your DH might be wise. He sounds at breaking point, but there's no excuse for his lack of empathy.

Good luck with your search

It doesn't give him the right to be horrible to you. Many of us have been through trauma and don't take it out on our loved ones.

If he just wants money coming in, why does he have an issue with the jobs you can realistically get? Is he embarrassed that one of his mates might see his wife behind the tills at Tesco? 🙄

If he wanted you to have a career, why hasn't he helped you work towards this sooner? Why is it suddenly an issue when you're 59?

Thanks everyone. Thanks huge and fortuny.for the upbeat tips.
direction, it’s all just complicated. As these things are.

Just to let you know! I had an interview as a catering assistant at the local hospital, which I think I fluffed, and have one on Friday as a carer, so fingers crossed! It seems I can get interviews which is encouraging. Applying to more today.

Dh says he doesn’t mind what I do, as long as it’s full time and not minimum wage. I’m totally ignoring him! And applying to everything in the hope something will stick.
thank you so much for your support during a horrible few weeks.

Have you looked on your local council website? They almost always have admin/customer service type roles available and once you’re in there are lots of training and progression opportunities.

I think you should also consider some short term meds for your depression/ anxiety. Let them buffer you through the next few months, hopefully get a job of some kind and then I think you’ll be in a much better place to take stock.

Hang in there 💐

Good luck with the interview.

It sounds to me like your employer didn't offer enough support and training. Even if you're really good at Excel, for example, in reality you are only good at the bits you use frequently. Wait 6 months and the things you don't use often will have changed. What you need to do is get good at is looking up how to do things, there are so many people out there happy to help.

Good luck with your interview, OP.

You and your husband should be team, he sounds totally unsupportive and actually quite nasty. You also said that he wasn't happy that your morning a week job was something you enjoyed - nasty man!

It may be that you end up with several part time jobs. Your morning a week job, your Etsy store and something else. If you are creative, is there any scope for you running classes or working for adult education offering classes? There's an art teacher near me who does art classes for adults and school holiday art clubs for children. I'm on her waiting list, they're very popular! Not everyone works well in an 'office job'.

And please don't underestimate your 'soft skills'. I was job hunting in my 50s after a gap, and those skills were just as important as the other stuff.

Try and screen out your unhelpful husband's comments.

Oh my gosh, thank you for posting.
im reading this trying desperately to haul myself out of being bloody miserable again, so it’s wonderful to hear from you.
intelligenthair I don’t have admin skills really, well not typing but I can learn..I have an interview to volunteer for citizens advice beaureau as advised up thread as it would be wonderful to get some office updating.
I’ve also gone on to sertraline, another thread to join! I’ve tried not to for years and finally caved. Fingers crossed.
thank you for saying hang in there!
thanks disfordarkchocolate that’s made me feel a lot better. That’s exactly what happens.
batshit ( brilliant name!) I’d love to run art classes. I just need a proper job then I think I’ll have more opportunity to do that sort of thing.
Dh is just exhausted and anxious, And I guess that makes him a bit snippy. I’ll try and screen out the comments!
thank you for saying you were job hunting in your 50s, very reassuring!
right, off to fill in more application forms!
thank you so much for posting, I think one challenge is feeling isolated and of course your mind plays tricks. Oh well, live and learn!

Dear all, just an update to say thank you for all your support and advice over the last few weeks. You’ve all absolutely been brilliant and generous with your suggestions and advice, and gave me confidence to try different avenues, thank you!
…I’ve actually got a job, yayyyyyy! It’s the carer job, so a new experience, and there was a lovely atmosphere and they all seemed very nice people, so yayyy!
💐💐💐💐thankyou!

That's fantastic OP, congratulations! I was just reading through this thread and wondering if you'd be interested in a carer role, as there are so many out there.
I was a support worker for a while after i was pushed out my job by a bullying manager. It was supposed to be a stop gap til I found something else, but I found I was so passionate about it I stayed there for years and am still working in that field now. It turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Best of luck in your new role OP, I have a feeling you'll be brilliant!

Aww megosaurusrex thanks, what a lovely post.
and what a lovely story! I’m very glad you found your niche, indeed, I hope I enjoy it as much as you obviously do. Well done you!

Many congratulations on your new job. I'm so pleased for you.

Thank you blowyourown!
ive Just re read this thread and it’s a learning curve for sure. So many kind posts.I’m delighted to be part of the human race again, hurrah!

Oh congratulations on the new job @Pinkypong

Congratulations on your new job from me too!

I just read your posts for the first time and I wanted to say I saw some of the things DD was required to undertake for her first major interview while finishing uni, and I couldn’t understand them at all! She got the role.

yet here am I, I can manage the office/accountancy work for our home based businesses and I think I do well at that. Some of the programmes mentioned up thread I have no idea about whatsoever… doesn’t make me useless though.

the winning thing for DD was she knew the company’s mission statement and was the only applicant out of 400 odd, shortlisted to 12, who did.

I think in your case, your employer was at fault for their lack of clarity in their expectations of the new employee.

it’s not your fault !

Hi Op, congratulations!
Ive read all of your posts and I hope you’re ok. Your DP needs to be nicer to you, he is part of the situation with you not working but now seems to have turned on you. I think a lot of women seem to lose confidence after children so you’re doing a great job putting yourself out there! I would have loved to stay at home with mine when they were young so don’t ever forget how useful doing that was. A lot of people are like me and are just doing a job they’ve done for years, much harder to do what you’re doing! Hope it goes well for you x

Hope you are ok. Hope your anxiety is better. Is your GP supporting you?

Interesting thread. I think the job was wrong to hire you if they needed someone to run with it quickly IT wise. Not fair. I don't even know about excel trackers!