Fired! Now what!

[Pinkypong]

Hi, I posted before, I just got a new job after ages as a sahm. It was a wonderful role with prospects and I’ve been let go. My it skills are not enough. I’m not what she thought I would be.
im devastated. I can’t sleep. It took me so long to find this role. Worse, it took some of the stress off Dp and he’s started to look almost jolly. How do I tell him? What do I tell the teens? How do I get another job?
I’m feeling so stupid, I’m an older mum and I’ve just been lost ever since moving here, now I’m ancient and unemployable. I just seem to have struggled for years and been lost now I’m ancient and lost. I honestly don’t think I can cope with whatever else life throws at me. It’s exhausting and lonely and oh so rubbish. I can’t understand what happened. Just a waste. Please help me get back on track.

Civil servant here too. I use all that software but don't really know how to use half of it despite continuous employment. I just wing it. For those who can't bluff, there are free upskilling courses through work (can be done in work time). CS is a very age-friendly employer and does not discriminate against those who have had long career gaps. I would recommend it.

All this…
there a a lot of on line , you tube resources that are available free .
it needs practice and time though.
if you’re struggling for money take another job right now that you don’t need much head space for, and spend 4-6 months honing these skills at home. You’ll have to find a space to squeeze it in…work with DH to agree times and how many hours per week you can invest in learning.

What did you do before kids?

I was a designer arty type person.

Dh really not happy. My anxiety is through the roof and now my arms are tingling.
I can’t believe I’ve got myself into this situation. I think I’ve had my head up my bum for years, or rather just felt worthless and I couldn’t do anything. Now it seems it’s too late and I can’t. I’m so so screwed.

Dh furious. I’ve gone back to being totally anxious and he’s gone back to being stressed and the sole earner. We have no contingency plans, nothing. How did I get like this. Pre kids I had a great career, I’ve been lost since then.
im so screwed. I can’t breathe, I just want the world to stop. Dh so cross. I’m cross too with myself, how could I not have done something? I just found this role totally overwhelming and I had no confidence.
i looked on the civil service site, but no chance, even the shops are all massive application forms that I’ve never had any luck with.
I have a morning teaching tomorrow so I’d better prepare for that, I feel so so sick.

If you are teaching is there no more shifts you can pick up there? What about a retail role, not much IT going on there just need the ability to speak to people?.

Thanks likewinter I’m shadowing the main tutor next week, so there may be some extra shifts after that.
i find those application forms for big shops awful, I have never had any luck with them.
maybe I should drive round with my cv. I’d like a very simple job just to get my confidence back.
I think back to the jobs I did apply to - and it seems to me we rowed about every single one. The only one we didn’t row about was when he said don’t take it ( packing job) and she came back and offered me some freelance design work.
maybe I should really focus on learning Adobe photoshop and illustrator.

This level of anxiety and self loathing is really not good OP. You've got to be kinder to yourself.

What's your husband like generally? Being furious is an overreaction and is quite concerning.

Is he the reason you're so anxious?

yes I don’t feel good at all.
It has been tricky as I have looked for jobs and they are not usually good ‘ career’ jobs. He would get cross when I went to a part time shop job as it is wasting my time and not good for the family.
I put my foot down with the teaching job, but he is cross beacause it’s only a morning a week. He said,‘it’s funny you get a job in an area you enjoy, I want to be able to have a job because I enjoy it’ he obviously has all the strain of earning and wants me to share the burden.
This latest job was different, it felt like a proper job, with prospects. He is now telling me I sounded wimpy when I talked to them, I should have done x. He is just furious at how I could get fired so quickly. He says, ‘what are you going to do’ I don’t know, I never have. He didn’t want me to volunteer, and always said I should be able to get x, I’m hiding, I’m lying to myself.
pits easy to pass the blame! Somehow I got so scared of applying to anything ( I could only see shop jobs that I could do) that I got stuck. I did do ok on Etsy one year, but he would come up while I was busy and tell me I’d never make money. This year I am so tired to create stuff again. It gets good reactions, but I’m just nervous to do it.

How do I be kinder to myself? Am I being over the top loathing? I do just feel useless.

I agree with PP, this is a fault in hiring not your fault. And they should/could have easily trained you up in this stuff. It's not difficult and is the kind of thing youbjutsvneed to be shown once, do once back to them and then you'll be fine. I really think they have been unfair to you. As others have said, see it as recent experience and go on to the next thing and a better place to work.

I work for a tech company and have been working in IT for years so if there is anything I can help with please ask. And remember, no question is a stupid question!

Just see that plave as a practice run. I hope they are paying you notice etc?

I don't know if this helps but my friend was in a very similar position to you a few years ago after working in a bank and then having years out. She got a job in a car showroom greeting people, booking people in which she job shares and really likes. I'm. Or sure how well paid it is but it might be a stop gap and a place to practice IT skills without much pressure? She just went into all the local ones and asked if they needed anyone.

Please be kinder to yourself, this is a bump in the road.

Your husband sounds awful, he should be supporting you and not picking holes in everything you try to do.

If you're living with someone like that it's no wonder you're so self critical.

I think you need some help with your anxiety, but I suspect your husband is the underlying problem.

Hi, thank you. sonnex I’d love to do something like your friend. I actually saw something that may have been that sort of thing, I’ll go over the job places again tomorrow.
Thank you everyone for the good ideas.
Can I ask what are the best skills for nhs bank? I’ll have a good look myself, but am wondering if there’s a definite set.
I have bought into LinkedIn learning for a month so will swat up as much as possible!
I have managed to find a few weeks with a careers coach for free,! As part of a women back to work thing I went on. He says he can help with linked in etc, today he let me see that what I took for granted is actually selling, being organised etc. all very useful but..we will see.
Actually, I have managed to do quite a lot, and I’ve applied to nhs as a catering assistant.
.sakura7 sometimes I do wonder. That’s why I loved having this job, it felt like a normal couple. And I got to go out! He is very stressed in a job he finds difficult, there is an immense workload.

Op you and your husband are supposed to be a team. His reaction is completely unacceptable. He should be supporting you.

I got so stressed out with my job a few years ago, one day I came down from my office and said I couldn't go on. I was the main earner in the family, a role my husband gave up his job so I could take. He hugged me and took me out for lunch and said he thought I'd never go back. I told him not to be ridiculous and we needed the money (we really did!). He said it was making me ill (it was) and we would find a way. THAT is the sort of support you deserve.

Please don't underestimate yourself or put yourself down. Just keep going. You can do this. You've had great practical advice which I agree with here on the IT to focus on (but put PowerPoint on your must haves, with that an Excel skills you can't go wrong - look up pivot tables!).

Don't sell yourself short. If it's an office job you want, it's worth brushing up skills a bit further for a few weeks.

timetogoupagear thank you for such a warm and encouraging message.
Your husband sounds incredible. I’m hoping you did indeed find a way!

mine has got cross, asked me what I’m going to do, told me what I should have done, said,’ I can’t believe you got fired so quickly, you never can hold down a job’ eaten alone and gone to bed. I feel very bad, and anxious, less so now thanks to you all. I really hope I find something soon.
they are actually desperate for bus drivers! I quite like the idea, though maybe not the terrifying reality.
thank you for saying ‘just keep going you can do this’ I’ll be re reading that a lot!

Thinking of you tonight and wishing you well. You can keep going and you can do this. Something about the way you have written makes me think you have the determination to keep going and find a job where you will be happy and thrive. Hopefully you can also have a conversation with your husband about being more supportive and giving you room to develop.

Anything IT related just ask!

OP you've posted about this several times and the running thread through all of them has been that your husband is unsupportive and mean. He shouldn't be making you feel so awful, he's supposed to be on your side! Has he always been like this? He's far more worrying than you not fitting in at a job, that happens all the time and is nothing to be ashamed of!

Thanks veridigal I shouldn’t really make it about Dh, it’s easy to blame someone else. It’s also easy for me to write from my pov. Which may be misguided. He will see it as he supported me to stay at home, I’m not getting anywhere etc. He saw a therapist who told him I didn’t want to work. Truth is I do need a job otherwise I’m cocklodging. I also want my own money! He will relax when I bring in some money towards the bills.it’s a lot of pressure for him.

Thanks sonnex I hope you’re right, doesn’t feel that way!

It’s just that whatever job I got wasn’t good enough.

Maybe try for something really simple just to dip your toes back in. Phone based customer service and support jobs are everywhere at the moment, they're generally pretty easy to get started in, don't pay terribly and get some office experience under your belt.

Will be an opportunity to get to grips with things like Teams, Outlook, Office etc and make sure you're fully up to speed with all those.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself, and your husband isn't helping. It really isn't uncommon to just not quite get it right first time, and it sounds like it's more the manager's fault than yours unless you weren't honest about your experience and skillset at interview. I know it's hard but try and just chalk it up to experience - and now you know some areas where there are gaps in your knowledge you can work on.

Oh, how do you deal with anxiety? This is beyond ridiculous. My arms are tingling, I can’t breathe. I just want to not be here.

Sounds to me like it's your "D"H causing the anxiety.