I want to end it all after breakup

[Lucelove]

Hi, I don’t want to sound pathetic but I mean exactly what the title says.

I’ve posted here a few times (read my other posts if you would like) and I don’t want to look pathetic for that either, but I’m finding this a good place to distract myself. I don’t really have anyone I can speak to you who can help. My close friends are all in long term relationships and it hurts to be around them, some of them have been through hell and back to get to where they are now. Why could my ex not stick with me, even though nothing bad has happened? Plus their advice to me is the cliche ‘fck him’, ‘you’ll be fine’ etc etc, which is not helpful to me.

Tomorrow it’s been 1 week, and everyday is getting harder instead of better. I’ve never felt like this because of a breakup before. And it actually scares me that time is passing by, instead of making me feel better like it has done in the past.

I did reach out to my ex yesterday which I know everyone says that I shouldn’t, but I just thought fck it, what have I got to lose by reaching out and asking how we can work things out? At the end of the day I couldn’t feel any worse and he is already gone, so worst case scenario is it stays the same and we stay done. He said he doesn’t want to work it out and I need to accept that it’s over. He also said he is trying really hard not to block me. I told him I don’t want him to not block me because I need help, I want him to not block me because he cares. And he didn’t respond to that, I’m not going to message again.

I’m heading into work now on a couple hours sleep, and I just can’t cope. I’m a room leader in a nursery, it’s not the kind of job I can just zone out in. I’ve cried all morning and genuinely thought about just driving into a tree and other ways just to end the pain. I’ve pulled into services and got a coffee and I am currently trying to get my head back together. I can’t work like this but I also can’t be at home like this. I can’t afford to leave my job and I also can’t afford to get signed off work for a bit if that was an option.

I just can’t see anyway out of this, it won’t get better. I normally cope well with breakups and I even though they hurt I get on with it and look to the future. Why is this one so different? I just can’t live like this

Years ago I had the worst heartbreak and felt just like you. It will get better, I promise. It takes times and many tears - you are allowed to be sad and angry.

I had to give myself a big talking to.

Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

You were okay before him? So you will be after him.

You must MUST be kind to yourself. Allow yourself a time to wallow and cry but then you must stop and live life. (I used to give myself 10 mins of every hour to cry and be upsets, then reduced this down to 10 every other hour etc)

The best thing to do is live life, be happy and he may see what he is missing but he may not. It won't matter either way because you will be happy.

It will pass, I absolutely promise you it will, but maybe just not yet. You've got to drag yourself through this part to get to the better stuff that's ahead for you. I know it's difficult to let go but you must, get through a day at a time without contacting him - reward yourself for it, you'll be proud that you have and eventually with no contact things will ease up but from experience you've got to cut the contact. He's been honest with you so at least you know where you stand. Try to focus on something else in your life, work etc. ask to see friends individually rather than with their partners for now and talk it through. Have you any family you can talk to? You could always call samaritans just for someone to listen and not judge.

You're knackered because you've had no sleep and that will be making you feel even lower, try to remember that today. Keep in touch on here, lots of people to talk to anonymously might help.

Just get through today. And get yourself a lovely treat for tea on your way home later.

Please please don't do anything silly, the pain it would cause those that love you is irreparable and will be with them forever. Put yourself in their shoes, think of a family member or friend you care for the most and imagine they were in your situation and ended it all. How would you feel? That feeling would never leave them and its all over something that can be resolved with time.

I was in a similar place some time ago, it's horrible and there's not much anyone can say that will make you feel better other then your ex. But what you want him to say is something that he never will. Messaging him will not help you heal, only acceptance will and this WILL come with time.
You need to focus on what you do have in life, your health, your career, friends (albeit not one's you want to hear from right now) you also have LIFE and it can go anyway you want it to. Only YOU can change what happens from here so make it count. Own what's happened, focus on today and if things get to much take a breather.
But above all be kind to yourself.

One day, it will take a while, you will get part way through the day and have the realisation that he wasn't the first thing you thought of that morning.
Not going to lie, it could take many months.
But, it will happen.

Please don't do anything silly. Please reach out to someone - call the Samaritans if you don't feel you can speak to friends or family.

He isn't worth the loss of your life and everyone who knows you would agree.

The hurt will ease, it may take a long time. You may need some help to get through it. But you will.

Take care and small steps. Do something nice every day, doesn't have to be big - chocolate bar instead of an apple even!

Speaking from experience.

In a years time I very much hope you'll hardly believe you thought this. But first you need to get through the year.

Take it one little step at a time. Def agree with planned wallows, absolutely helped me when my career completely fell to bits. It's no help at all to try and bury those feelings.

What are your support systems like - friends, family and colleagues? You're not the only one who's been in this situation, although I know it feels like it.

Look after yourself OP. No man is worth ending things over.

And you sound unhinged.

@Noellefreeman gosh I can't imagine being such a prick at this hour. Go back to which ever rock you climbed from under please! Gross

I hope you feel better soon OP. The tiredness doesn't help at all does it. Maybe sleeping pills tomorrow, things will seem better if you could sleep I think.

Bad breakups feels like a hole inside of you. I agree that no sleep (& all day at a nursery after that!) won’t make it easier, can you get to see a gp for something to help you sleep for these worst days?

I was in the same place as you at the beginning of the year.

I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't eat, everything made me cry, and all I wanted to do was sleep forever. I had to take some time off work because I just couldn't get through the day.

But I took each day at a time and just tried to survive. I celebrated small goals like having a shower and making it to the shop without having a breakdown.

And eventually, it got easier getting out of bed and I stopped crying every day.

I still have bad days but I'm a lot better now - and you well be too in time.

Take it hour by hour if you need - and try to reach out to your friends for support.

Ask them not to mention their partners, or even tell them you just want to sit in silence and watch TV with them. My friends (who all also have long-term partners) were really great at just doing whatever I asked them.

I told them I wanted to pretend everything was fine and not talk about what had happened so I could try to feel normal for a while (not sure that's a great thing to do, but it helped me) xx

What's wrong with you ? Coming on this thread making ridiculous comments

Good morning OP,

Your post is sad & worrying. I hope you have a bit better day today. There’s lots of kind & experienced help on here so tap into that for emotional support.

Every second that you are not thinking of him is a start, the seconds become minutes , minutes become hours until one day it’ll hit you that you’ve got through the day with hardly a thought if him. That’s when you’ll know you’re healing from this trauma.

There’s thousands of women going through what you’re going through right now so in reality you’re not alone. Think of them & stay strong within the bounds of solidarity with them.

You’ll get through this & one day you’ll awake from a good nights sleep and you’ll realise “I’ve got this” and I’m going to be ok. You’ll see. Chin up, inwards and upwards.

Your grieving and it's natural that you would feel so bereft and heartbroken but " Future You" , the one that is looking back at this time in your life, is pleading with you to keep going.. one foot in front of the other. Set yourself small manageable tasks .. for the next hour.. that day .. for example " today I will deep condition my hair" or " today I will order some things online just for me " or " I won't listen to sad songs that remind me of him" " I won't check his friends' social media accounts to see if he's out " ... . Mornings are the hardest so try to limit the amount of scrolling past the normal " what time is it " the " remembering " in the morning is like a thud after waking up. Get someone to talk to ( counsellor if of you) but if not write it all down - however is best for you - get it out ... also if you can find time for gentle movement .. yoga with Adrienne is a great place to start ..this grief you are walking though takes time to deal with and your heart needs to heal. Imagine you are you own best friend and take care of that friend ... there are stages of grief that are like doors that need to be walked through - if you can do that not only will you get through this but you will start to build a toolkit for when things happen again.. xxx

You won't feel this way forever mate trust me I've been there it's absolutely traumatising. It really is. I won't lie to you and say you'll be fine in a couple of months or that you'll look back one day and laugh about it, but very gradually it will start to shift. For the next couple of weeks just put one foot in front of the other and force yourself to eat and drink even if you just blend a banana... and whatever you do... DON'T contact him. X

You're *

I have felt like this in the past. I know you are serious. I know the pain is unbearable. Now. But it WILL fade and you will know great joy again - and maybe more quickly than you expect.

One week is nothing. It does get a bit worse first before it gets better. All you need to do right now is stay. Keep going. Get through each miserable day. Don't try to force yourself to feel better, don't expect too much of yourself. A break up is a beeeavement of sorts. You need to feel the loss and adjust to it.

But just keep going. Stay for the future you who is so very happy and whose life is so complete in so many ways. Stay for everyone who cares about you more than you care for yourself now.

Things will get better. You'll know things are improving when you start I feel fed up or yourself thinking and talking about him. Who can you spend time with in the meantime to support you? A friend? Your family?

Do keep posting here - so many of us have been here xxx

Sleeping pills may not work well with this type of emotional shock. Was in a similar state years ago and was temporarily prescribed Valium which did make a difference (in a very medication-averse country at the time, so that speaks volumes). Think a matter of a week or two at most just to get through the worst. I couldn't take black tea in that time either, had to switch to herbal.

I know it’s impossible to imagine now but this feeling won’t last forever. But you need to be kind to yourself - a week is a very short time and it’s completely normal to still feel dreadful.

I had a breakup that I thought I would never recover from. I thought I would never meet anyone as amazing as him again. It took a long time and there were many backwards steps along the way. But I got there and I am now married to someone else and I’m grateful that previous relationship ended as it allowed me to meet my husband. There will be happiness again, you just have to be patient and get through this pain first.

Out of interest, how long did it take you to recover?