I want to end it all after breakup

[Lucelove]

Hi, I don’t want to sound pathetic but I mean exactly what the title says.

I’ve posted here a few times (read my other posts if you would like) and I don’t want to look pathetic for that either, but I’m finding this a good place to distract myself. I don’t really have anyone I can speak to you who can help. My close friends are all in long term relationships and it hurts to be around them, some of them have been through hell and back to get to where they are now. Why could my ex not stick with me, even though nothing bad has happened? Plus their advice to me is the cliche ‘fck him’, ‘you’ll be fine’ etc etc, which is not helpful to me.

Tomorrow it’s been 1 week, and everyday is getting harder instead of better. I’ve never felt like this because of a breakup before. And it actually scares me that time is passing by, instead of making me feel better like it has done in the past.

I did reach out to my ex yesterday which I know everyone says that I shouldn’t, but I just thought fck it, what have I got to lose by reaching out and asking how we can work things out? At the end of the day I couldn’t feel any worse and he is already gone, so worst case scenario is it stays the same and we stay done. He said he doesn’t want to work it out and I need to accept that it’s over. He also said he is trying really hard not to block me. I told him I don’t want him to not block me because I need help, I want him to not block me because he cares. And he didn’t respond to that, I’m not going to message again.

I’m heading into work now on a couple hours sleep, and I just can’t cope. I’m a room leader in a nursery, it’s not the kind of job I can just zone out in. I’ve cried all morning and genuinely thought about just driving into a tree and other ways just to end the pain. I’ve pulled into services and got a coffee and I am currently trying to get my head back together. I can’t work like this but I also can’t be at home like this. I can’t afford to leave my job and I also can’t afford to get signed off work for a bit if that was an option.

I just can’t see anyway out of this, it won’t get better. I normally cope well with breakups and I even though they hurt I get on with it and look to the future. Why is this one so different? I just can’t live like this

(((HUG)))

it's utterly shit isn't it!

when I was 25 I broke up with my first proper partner, we'd been together since I was 16. I was an absolute state. I remember driving fast, looking at street lights & wondering how fast I'd have to go & just wanting it all to end. I must have said something dramatic about it to my Dad & he said to me that if I hurt myself at all over 'Fred' he'd go & kill him. (My Dad wasn't 'like that' either) but at the time I believed him & the thought of 'Fred' being hurt totslly stopped me thinking of doing anything stupid.

almost 30 years later, men have come & gone & I've just split up with my partner of 7 years. We weren't living together, so that's one thing. But it still bloody hurts. At my age you think/worry about a different set of things, but you still hurt & still worry.

what is getting me through though, is knowing I've got through it before. Without a doubt I miss him & I wish things were different, I'm not sleeping & I feel crap, but I know this too shall pass.

you don't want to hear it right now & you don't believe it right now either, but you will come out the other side of this & be fine, thrive even.

I live babies/children, but contrary to what you'd think I didn't find being with then helped, it just made me more upset & I was very quickly irritated by them (not like me at all!!). If you're feeling like that can you take a couple of days off?

you WILL get through this, even though it doesn't feel like it right now 💐

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly

Please see your GP and ask for some medical help to get you through thiis... My partner has affair....my fault apparently, but the last three weeks since finding out the pain has been like nothing else...as bad as or worse than bereavement ... I have had nervous breakdown in past, so this level of emotional anguish can trigger psychosis for me.. But I have made to help can me down... I never feel depressed as I know eventually things sort themselves out... I have a strong faith which helps me.. This week I have felt totally like this is it, I have to face life on my own now emotionally I need to pull away from my partner even if he doesn't want us to end... The magnitude of emotion seems unbearable... What always helps me in crisis is remembering who I am and who I was before my partner....and that I was perfectly happy before we met and could be happy again eventually one the anguish has stopped... Which it will eventually... A partners betrayal o r rejection is awful but that doesn't detract from the wonderfulness and unique beauty that is you....you are worthy of love and deserve better but sometimes we cannot depend on others we might love to treat us right.... Gather all your support sources... Talk to your friends and family...every day try to get your inner peace back of do something of go somewhere that lifts your soul.... I have spent the last week on meds to calm me down as my emotions are raging.. I've not been able to eat but I am sleeping... But I have remembered who I am without my other half and with arrogance I can now say, I deserve the best and I can move on if need be as I don't need validation from my partner.... This doesn't stop the pain, but it is subsiding now... I will not lose my sanity over a man, however much I love him I have no control over him and my worth is not dependent on him... I am me and if he chooses another, it is his loss...remember you are worthy...let him go....