Hi, I don’t want to sound pathetic but I mean exactly what the title says.
I’ve posted here a few times (read my other posts if you would like) and I don’t want to look pathetic for that either, but I’m finding this a good place to distract myself. I don’t really have anyone I can speak to you who can help. My close friends are all in long term relationships and it hurts to be around them, some of them have been through hell and back to get to where they are now. Why could my ex not stick with me, even though nothing bad has happened? Plus their advice to me is the cliche ‘fck him’, ‘you’ll be fine’ etc etc, which is not helpful to me.
Tomorrow it’s been 1 week, and everyday is getting harder instead of better. I’ve never felt like this because of a breakup before. And it actually scares me that time is passing by, instead of making me feel better like it has done in the past.
I did reach out to my ex yesterday which I know everyone says that I shouldn’t, but I just thought fck it, what have I got to lose by reaching out and asking how we can work things out? At the end of the day I couldn’t feel any worse and he is already gone, so worst case scenario is it stays the same and we stay done. He said he doesn’t want to work it out and I need to accept that it’s over. He also said he is trying really hard not to block me. I told him I don’t want him to not block me because I need help, I want him to not block me because he cares. And he didn’t respond to that, I’m not going to message again.
I’m heading into work now on a couple hours sleep, and I just can’t cope. I’m a room leader in a nursery, it’s not the kind of job I can just zone out in. I’ve cried all morning and genuinely thought about just driving into a tree and other ways just to end the pain. I’ve pulled into services and got a coffee and I am currently trying to get my head back together. I can’t work like this but I also can’t be at home like this. I can’t afford to leave my job and I also can’t afford to get signed off work for a bit if that was an option.
I just can’t see anyway out of this, it won’t get better. I normally cope well with breakups and I even though they hurt I get on with it and look to the future. Why is this one so different? I just can’t live like this