I did a stupid thing and I hate myself for it

[prammistake]

This morning I went off with my 6mo for a walk in the pram. Got out the door with the pram, put the brake on, turned round to lock the door. Took my hands off the pram obviously, and a man across the street begins shouting frantically - I turn round and the pram is rolling away down the drive. I grabbed it, I think all the adrenaline has clouded my memory because I don't even know how far away it got. I didn't have to run or anything to get it, I don't think I even needed to reach that far. I'm not sure.

Obviously I didn't click the brake in properly but I should have made sure it was properly in. I keep thinking that if that man wasn't there then something very dreadful could have happened. I feel terrible, to be honest I was already having a fairly low week mental health wise mostly because most of my life has gone a little wrong and I just don't like myself. I don't think I'm a very good person, but I felt that I was a good mother and that was what I had in my life and that was all I really needed. But now I don't think I can be a good mother if I nearly let something dreadful happen to my baby. The man on the street took better care of my baby than I could. I feel like my beautiful precious baby has been played some sort of cruel trick on by god by being given me as a mother.

Currently sat in a quiet park with baby in the pram sleeping whilst I have a cry. I don't even know why I'm posting to be honest, I just wanted to tell someone because I just can't tell anyone I know. I don't know if I'm secretly hoping everyone will tell me how stupid I was today to punish myself. I just don't know what to do to ever feel better about this again just got to stop crying before baby wakes up as I don't like him to see me sad in case he gets scared

Bless you, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Accidents happen. When I had my first baby I bumped his head on a door frame at my first midwife appointment. I felt so guilty he’s 18 now and no worse for wear despite his scatty mother (poor kid) take care of yourself OP. Your baby is fine.

Sending you huge hugs! You are not a terrible mother at all. The fact you are so distraught and upset by this just shows how much you care. You are not the first mum who makes a little mistake and won’t be the last. Seriously I’ve lost count of mine 🙈
I was a nervous wreck with my first born for the first year or so, he’s 20 months old now and I have relaxed more but I still panic and get things wrong. It’s hard now he can run wild and it was only last week my husband let him run across our landing while I was in the bathroom. I just had the gut instinct my husband didn’t have his eye on him and I ran out to see my son running towards the top of the stair case about to go flying down 🤦🏻‍♀️

Just to add, my dad accidentally dropped me as a baby on a hard floor because I was wriggling around so much and fractured my skull! Safe to say he felt absolutely terrible

There is not a single parent who hasn't done something similar. [Flowers]

We have ALL been there OP I promise. We've all done silly things and then spiralled into the 'I'm a terrible mother' sequence. Forgive yourself. I'm sure people will fill this thread with much worse things they've done. I'll start - opened a door hard right into my child's face and feet, had to go to A&E.

You poor thing, please try to start by being kind to yourself. So many of us have made mistakes like this when we had small children - it was an accident and nothing bad happened.
If you have a think I'm sure you will have heard stories about people's babies rolling off beds onto the floor when their backs were turned, accidental run away prams, and babies getting bumps and knocks and things dropped on them from door frames and/or other children - myriad things. The majority of parents will encounter (or be responsible for) an accident like this at some point.
The worrying bit of your post is how low you're feeling. Are you getting any help/support with your mental health? Having a baby can be such a shock to the system, lack of sleep compounds everything and makes it even harder and we're also coming out of a very stressful couple of years due to the pandemic. Do you have support around you?

I did this twice when mine were in pushchairs, once next to a very busy road. And there’s one or two other incidents from their toddler years that were that horrible ‘what if…’ moments that make your blood run cold. I still think about them from time to time even though my kids are grown up now.

It’s normal, no mother is perfect all the time. You’re too hard on yourself.

You're not alone.
I once walked alongside a busy road in town on way home with my 3mo ds in his pram thinking that the pram didn't feel right somehow.
Half a mile down the road the pram actually collapsed and ds nearly fell out into the path of a bus that was pulling up to stop.
I spent months thinking 'what if?' and 12 years later I still have moments I ruminate about this.
I also have moments I think about when I was out shopping with DD when she was about 4yo and she dropped her purse under the bus we'd just gotten off and she bent down to pick it up as it drove away.

oh don’t be hard on yourself, this happened to me, took the pram out of the house turned round to shut the door and as I did that the pram rolled forward off the step, luckily it was only one step but dd wasn’t strapped in as I was going to do it after I shut the door so she fell forward 😔 she was a toddler at the time not a small baby fortunately, so wasn’t really hurt but still felt really guilty. So point is these things happen to others too and lesson learned to always strap her in before leaving the house.

This exact thing happened to me. Only there wasn't a helpful neighbour and the pram rolled into the road.

Luckily we live on quite a quiet road so no harm was done, but I was really shaken up too. It never happened again, put it that way!

The thing is, we do a hundred things a day that are risky and you cant always have your eye on the ball every second. The fact that nothing bad happens is mainly luck. You made a mistake not putting the brake on, but people do that all the time, it doesn't make you a bad parent or a bad person. There was no harm done and you will definitely remember to put the brake on next time!

Don't beat yourself up, it could happen to anybody.

Take the fact that you are upset as a positive. Imagine if this happened and you didn't feel even a tiny bit upset.

DH did that as we came back from holiday and were unpacking the car, where DS had spent much of the time being ill/in hospital with tonsillitis. DS rolled down the path face first into the wall and there was much much blood. He snapped the bit that attaches the lip to his gum. So back to A&E.

I once with different DS slipped getting the buggy off the train so the back wheels were on the train, front on the platform and DS was dangling face first into the tracks. I thank God every time I think about it that I was a stickler for doing the harness up properly.

I had a very near miss with one of mine as a toddler. And I mean really near.
I still remember it so vividly many years later. But it didn't define my life as a parent.
And this mistake doesn't define you either.
You're incredibly shaken and shocked so please treat yourself kindly and try not to judge yourself too harshly.

Welcome to the club. We've all done it! Something like it, anyway.

I tried to bounce on a yoga ball while holding my 4mo. Prat fall, fell on him.

Left him sleeping outside, windy day. Pram blew over, and down 2 steps. Luckily sturdy pram, and well strapped in.

Cut his fingernail too short, and it bled.

If you've got to 6mo without injuring/maiming/putting your child in danger, you're doing pretty well.

I did very similar , I left my 4 year old with my new born baby holding pram on a busy road while I went into a shop, to this day 20 years later I count my blessing that nothing happened to them , don't be hard on yourself ❤️❤️❤️

This.

Try to think about what you'd say to a friend of yours who had had this experience today. I'm pretty sure it would be along the lines of 'oh you poor thing, have a cup of tea, be kind to yourself'. Now do that to yourself

Every single parent has had a ‘holy fuck that could have been bad’ moment. Every single one. The best way to respond is have your cry then mentally file it away while learning from it. That’s all you can do. It’s one mistake, nothing bad happened.

Also you say you’re feeling really low, please don’t be so hard on yourself or beat yourself up.

Another one joining in to tell you we’ve all been there. Mine included a heavy oak door falling on baby on bed, and another literally falling out the window at about 8 months old,

I remember the feelings. Vividly.

it’s a horrendous feeling. Just take it easy today and tune into how grateful you are that nothing awful happened.

When I was about 4/5 I went sledding in the snow with my parents. My dad pushed the sledge with me and my sister on it from the top of the hill. My mum was supposed to catch us at the bottom. She missed. I landed face first into a dry stone wall. Apparently the bruising and swelling started instantly! They were packing snow in handkerchiefs to press against my face. I still remember being forced to sing nursery rhymes on the car trip to A and E so I didn't go to sleep ( I was so tired, and the advice then was to not let cold go to sleep after a head injury).
It was just an accident. I love my mum to absolute pieces! She is the loveliest woman you could meet.
We all make mistakes as parents. We're all human. It could have been a lot worse, but don't dwell on the what-ifs! Your baby is fine. You don't deserve to punish yourself for this at all.

You’re probably a little bit in shock op, have a cup of sweet tea and take it easy.

I sunburned 3mth old DS, he had bright red cheeks for a week! In my defence it was overcast and drizzling but we were at the coast. I still feel bad about it

I was in a grocers recently at the counter with the pram right next to me. I got my fruit, paid and turned to put them onto the pram. Pram was gone. Ran outside, and for a second I couldn’t see it. Honestly my heart! Then noticed a crowd of old ladies looking into the pram. It had rolled out into the street and nobody had seen it come from the shop. I felt awful. These things happen though. As above, you’ll have various close shaves and you just have to keep ploughing on and learning from them.

Also

But now I don't think I can be a good mother if I nearly let something dreadful happen to my baby
Good mothers are allowed to have accidents. You'd be a dreadful mother if you deliberately pushed your pram into oncoming traffic. You didn't do that. You made a very easy simple mistake.

The man on the street took better care of my baby than I could.

For two seconds. You've done the heavy lifting for 6 whole months. There is no way anyone is a better to mum to your child than you are.

I feel like my beautiful precious baby has been played some sort of cruel trick on by god by being given me as a mother.

I remember feeling like this too. I felt deeply utterly distraught that my baby was stuck with ME as a mother. I thought literally anybody else would be better for him. I was so so wrong. That was postnatal anxiety and depression speaking.

Oh OP please be kind to yourself. As you can see all mums have stories like this. I had to take my 10 week old to hospital after I managed to burn him, he also fell top to bottom down the wooden stairs at 2, the other one fell out of his buggy because I forgot to strap him in... And those are the accidents I can remember - there's probably loads more!

I hope your day gets better. Can you do something nice for yourself? Is there a friend you can call?

Best advice I ever got was ‘be your own best friend’ imagine a good friend told you the story you’ve just posted, how would you react? What would you tell her? We judge ourselves so much more harshly than we judge others sometimes.

DH once threw dd in the air forgetting he was in a room with a low ceiling and worse under a steel beam, poor baby got a really significant bang to the head. Both mine have fallen off my bed as tiny babies (you’d think I’d learn second time). Lost dd a few times, once for a good half hour at a farm park, once in actual central London when she was about 7 or 8. More than once I’ve pulled potential choking hazards out of ds mouth that he’d put there without me seeing, no idea how I knew to look.

you both survived to see another day, that’s what’s important.

We've all done stuff we think of as stupid when our kids were little. Please don't beat yourself up over it.