I did a stupid thing and I hate myself for it

[prammistake]

This morning I went off with my 6mo for a walk in the pram. Got out the door with the pram, put the brake on, turned round to lock the door. Took my hands off the pram obviously, and a man across the street begins shouting frantically - I turn round and the pram is rolling away down the drive. I grabbed it, I think all the adrenaline has clouded my memory because I don't even know how far away it got. I didn't have to run or anything to get it, I don't think I even needed to reach that far. I'm not sure.

Obviously I didn't click the brake in properly but I should have made sure it was properly in. I keep thinking that if that man wasn't there then something very dreadful could have happened. I feel terrible, to be honest I was already having a fairly low week mental health wise mostly because most of my life has gone a little wrong and I just don't like myself. I don't think I'm a very good person, but I felt that I was a good mother and that was what I had in my life and that was all I really needed. But now I don't think I can be a good mother if I nearly let something dreadful happen to my baby. The man on the street took better care of my baby than I could. I feel like my beautiful precious baby has been played some sort of cruel trick on by god by being given me as a mother.

Currently sat in a quiet park with baby in the pram sleeping whilst I have a cry. I don't even know why I'm posting to be honest, I just wanted to tell someone because I just can't tell anyone I know. I don't know if I'm secretly hoping everyone will tell me how stupid I was today to punish myself. I just don't know what to do to ever feel better about this again just got to stop crying before baby wakes up as I don't like him to see me sad in case he gets scared

Oh goodness OP - I honestly don't know one parent who hasn't had a near miss parenting fail like this.

I dropped DD down nearly our entire flight of stairs at home when she was around 12 months old. Bloody lucky that she was ok but I can still remember the sound of her bouncing down the stairs and remember the pure horrified feeling four years on.

Re the brake on your pushchair, this is something I used to worry about so I'd always position the pram side on to any slope so that it was never pointing in the direction where it would roll away, if that makes sense. It gives you a failsafe so that if the brake fails the pram won't go anywhere (or far).

But honestly, let yourself process it and then start to move on. The fact you're so caught up in this shows how much you care. You ARE a still a great parent. Don't let this dent your confidence.

I think every parent goes through something similar and they beat themselves up for it.
What you need to do is don't let this develop into something more than it needs to be.
I had a similar incident when DS was a tiny baby and it lead to years of crippling anxiety (for which I am now medicated). I actually became terrified of hills or slopes and had three straps on the pram to attach it to my wrists and waist. 5 years on I can look back and chuckle at some of the things I did and worries about (putting a mug of tea on a table in the same room as baby napping in moses basket...somehow in my mind it was inevitable that I would somehow knock the mug which would fly across the room and either burn baby or crush him).

As difficult as it is, try and keep things in perspective. The man WAS there. You'll ALWAYS check the brake more carefully in future. Both you and baby are STILL alive.

It has happened to us all. Deep breath and carry on with your day

My mother left her three small children in a car parked on a slope facing a shop window ... and forgot to put the handbrake on. My very sensible older brother (6) managed to yank it on as we hurtled towards disaster. Sympathy, OP.

PLEASE dont beat yourself up. We have all done something like this!
you cannot be a perfect parent 100% of the time.

I hope these stories make you realise we've all had a moment like that and you're only beating yourself up because you care.
My parenting fail was when my DD was about 6 and we were walking back to the car after school, she was lagging behind and dragging her coat by the side of her. To 'chivvy ' her up I grabbed her hand ,she tripped on her coat and headbutted the pavement - immediate huge egg on her forehead. I still feel sick thinking about it and she's 18 now! I took her to a walk-in centre, trying to explain what happened feeling like the worst parent in the world.

Be kind to yourself 💐

I caught my 13month old dds thigh in the buckle when clicking in the straps of her buggy...she had a huge black lump appear immediately after and howled the place down. I never did it again though...lesson learnt! And, I bet from now on you'll always double check the brake is on on your pram...think of it as a way of learning rather than some terrible mistake! Please don't beat yourself up any further. Every mum I know has done something to potentially endanger their child despite the best possible will in the world! I was allowed to climb up onto a bench in the kitchen as a baby and promptly fell head first onto the tiled kitchen floor, knocking myself out as my mum watched in horror!

Bless you, you're a wonderful mother. We all make mistakes ❤️

This! I once turned to the side (not even all the way around!) with my hand still on the changing table, for a split second, and my 4 month old rolled off onto the floor. I was in bits, rang my husband to come home, packed a hospital bag, prepared myself to speak to social services etc etc. We took her to the GP straight away and she was absolutely fine and the doctor was not phased at all. I wish I could go back in time and give myself a hug!

Gosh I really relate to this - I've had a similar near miss which I won't describe and generate more anxiety!

Everyone is ok you are just in shock. It will pass x

Really, don't worry. I was taking photos of DS and dropped my iPhone on his head within hours of him being born. It's been 8 years and he shows no sign of being affected by that!

You are a good mother. Good mothers sometimes do stupid things, you're not the first and certainly not the last- it likely won't even be the last time you do a stupid thing. And now you'll be hyper aware to prevent it happening again won't you?

My one year old ran in to the kitchen, climbed his toddler tower and was holding a knife and stabbing it in to the cake I made DP for his birthday. Normally after his bath he goes straight to his bedroom but that night DP needed the loo so he ran out to the living room instead, and I hadn't shut the kitchen gate or made sure there was nothing dangerous within reach. I cried for a long time afterwards as it was such a frightening sight to see and at the thought of what if. I'm hyper aware and over the top about shutting the gates now unless DS is in his cot.

Be kind to yourself. What would you say to a friend if she told you this happened to her? Would you say the things you've said to yourself? If not, you're treating yourself unkindly and harshly. Be a friend to yourself.

@DropYourSword is exactly right. No one is terrible or bad for making a mistake. There is no correlation between the amount of love we feel for our children and the number of mistakes we make. You don't have to prove anything to yourself or the world by punishing yourself with guilt.

This is your low mental health trying to sabotage you, I hope you can find something more positive to focus on - please push the thoughts of this incident away, they will not help you or DC, you don't need them.

Thank you everyone for your replies, I've been reading them all but I've not been sure what to say. I really appreciate them and they've made me feel better. I stayed in the park for a while and didn't quite know what to do but I've come home now and I am certainly calmer. After the baby woke up I guess looking after him was enough to distract me.

I feel like at the moment there's two parts of my head, one part that's calmed down and realised now that this happens to lots of people but then there's another half of me that I just can't shake the horrible feeling from

@killingmedeftly that reminded me that when my baby was about two months old I was taking a video as he was cooing at me, I'd propped the phone up beside him and then it fell on his face! And then you have my real time reaction where you can see baby happily carrying on cooing without even a reaction and me staring at him wide eyed to see if he's okay 😂

We've all done stuff like that, and you probably will again. It's not that you did it that worries me though, it's your reaction to it and how you're feeling about yourself. Please get in touch with your doctor or HV to chat about post natal depression. It doesn't just happen in the first few weeks. Are you alone with your baby most days? I found that I was as my mum and friends were all at work. It can make you overthink things when you don't have anyone to chat to. Are there any baby classes in your area? Music and movement or story teller groups are great for meeting other new mums.

We were at my brother - and sister-in-law's house when DS was a tiny toddler, and just as he was headed to the garden, their massive, heavy bifold door blew shut with an enormous bang that shook the house. If he'd been two steps ahead, it would have blown shut on him and I honestly think it might have killed him, such was the force.

We also briefly lost him on holiday - again we were with DH's family and we all thought someone else was watching him. The garden of the villa wasn't totally enclosed, and he could have wandered off into a massive vineyard, and from there to the unsupervised swimming pool...

So we've all had those bloodcurdling moments. It does not make you a bad mother, not at all.

Oh lovely, like so many others, we've all been there. I stopped to look at something in the window on a busy high street. let go of the pram and it went skittling down the road. A nice man grabbed it for me.

I also abandoned my child in her pram in a country park as i sprinted to catch a toddler on a balance bike who was hurtling toward the duck pond. Not sure which mum was more shocked that day!

Have yourselves a good cry and then pick yourself back up. it happens, no one was hurt. You are doing a great job!

@OP One day when ds1 was about 8mths old and when I was starting to feel strong again (baby was sleeping better etc) I decided to take the train and visit Oxford street (Nice sunny day for it). I'm a car driver usually but had at that point used to take the train to work and seen many mums/dads manoeuvering the buggy round the tube stations and although I hadn't done it before didn't think there was much to it. Anyway, so I arrive at the station just round the corner with DS sitting happily in his buggy, I go through the ticket barriers and step onto the elevator. Now, at this point I pushed the buggy onto the escalator first then tried to step on immediately. What I hadn't realised was that there was a 'method' to it & how quickly the escalators were moving and the disparity between where I was and where the buggy was on the escalator. Next thing I know my buggy seems way down and me 3/4 steps above it. At this point I'm straining to cover the distance between me & the buggy. The buggy is about to be ripped out of my hands and in a flash, it seemed it was going to be hurled down to the bottom of the escalator with my precious baby in it. I don't know what happened in that blinding second but I held onto the buggy for dear life, something weird happened to my legs and I found myself standing on the same step as the buggy that was at this point tipping over and managed to hoist it on to the ground just as we reached the bottom.

I was shaking uncontrollably at how close I came to almost killing or maiming my child. That image of the buggy tipping over into oblivion on the very steep escalator has never left me and even as I type I'm hyperventilating a little.

For ages I berated myself, how could I be so stupid? how did I not know how to position the buggy properly on the escalator? I'd seen people doing it everyday and it looked so easy. But you know what? we ALL make mistakes. Some things are unexplainable, but we are not perfect. I thank God everyday for He made my legs function somehow that I moved like lighting and managed to hold on to the buggy without letting go. Big lesson learnt.

But you can't keep berating yourself. You now know the risk around securing the buggy & turning your back on the buggy and will never be complacent again. Scoop up your baby and enjoy him.

I will list some of things we've done as parents, to show you are not along and these things happen. There was no harm done, please don't feel bad!

• my husband dropped our DS1 doing a night feed. He was half asleep and he was in the process of sitting down. Little one slid down his leg and landed face down on the rug!


• I put the carrycot on a footstool, not centred. Baby was still in it and it fell off landing upside down on the floor.


• I was so tired I tried to collapse the pram with my baby still in it.


• I set off on a long drive, after about 20 minutes I realised that I hadn't strapped the carseat in and it was just sitting on the back seat unrestrained with my precious baby in it!

I cringe at these things but the kids are now 8 and 12 and absolutely fine.

Oh please don't worry! Only worry if you deliberately do something to put your child in danger. This was completely by mistake!

I've done much worse things. Locked newborn in the car on first trip out. Had to break a window. That was a great feeling 😂

Please be kind to yourself it's so hard having a baby!!

Goodness do not berate yourself! Any parent could recount several similar occasions - you'll have many more hair raising incidents especially when your child gets mobile!
My friend has left her baby at school when collecting her boys - she normally wouldn't have her and got all the way home before she remembered she had taken her baby along! Another left her baby in the trolley at the supermarket...
I thought my son was safely in a room playing so nipped upstairs - my son crawled up the stairs behind me and when I turned around raised his arms up and promptly fell backwards down the stairs ... see? Many many tales of near misses!

Please don't beat yourself up, there's no harm done. When my son was a few months old I had him in my arms walking through the hallway to the kitchen and misjudged (tired) the width of the doorway and whacked his head on the doorframe. Was beside myself but he was fine. Also trimmed his nails and one too short and it bled - another melt down by me but he was absolutely fine. Strapping almost 18yr old now.
When I was a baby (I'm 51)my parents had a big silver cross pram for me so bought a van to transport it (?!). We all got home one day and my dad was putting the van in the garage. He did so with me in the pram in it! It was a while later when my mum asked him where the baby was, assuming he'd taken me out and put me in my cot or something, it transpired I was still in the pram, in the van, in the garage! No harm done. My dad has always been forgetful bless him!

You sound like such a wonderful Mum - your baby is so lucky to have you 💐

DH failed to engage the brake when we were on a walk and the pushchair rolled into the river. Luckily DS was not in it at the time!

Agree that literally every parent has a story or two like this.

When my DS was two he was pottering around as toddlers do. I went into the kitchen. A few minutes later I came back - and saw the front door wide open. DS gone

He'd taken himself out for a walk! I didn't know he could open the front door, hadn't ever seen him try.

Anyway.

Out I pelt in my socks, frantic. Look around wildly. No sign of him. Had to pick a direction to run and look. And just then he appeared around the corner, being gently herded back by a man and his son, who were keeping him away from the road. So very like your case, in that it was lucky there was a helpful stranger there.

Will never forget DS' happy little face, toddling along on his adventure, one sock on, one bare foot.

It's a fairly busy road with a blind corner. He could have been knocked down and killed, very easily. For the rest of the day I kept bursting into tears and hugging him.

But like a PP said, it NEVER happened again, because after that I was hyper-vigilant about locking the door when we were in. You learn from this stuff.

Add to that the usual quota of falling off the bed / bashing head on doorframes / clipping fingers by accident / rolling off changing tables