Don't know how much longer I can do this

[lorenalewinskyy]

Hi, I don't know if I'm welcome here because I'm not technically a mum. But I could use some motherly love and support right now.

I'm 22 years old and diagnosed with BPD and on top of that I'm an addict. Opioids are my DOC but I'll take or do anything if it means I don't need to feel reality. Living (or existing, because I don't feel like I'm living) is so painful. I don't know how else to describe it than it's agonising. Every day I wake up and want to die and every night I pray I do. I don't have the courage to lull myself or I would.

I'm on meds (200mg sertraline and 15mg diazepam and starting lamotrigine this week) but I feel as though I'm a lost cause. This pain will never stop, I'll never feel at peace.

I'm sorry for posting this. I just need a hand hold.

Handhold and bump

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling so low and that the medication you’re taking isn’t helping yet.

What’s your family/work/home situation? And have you had any therapy/counselling as well as the medication?

As a mum of someone your age, it is heartbreaking to hear someone so young writing off their life. I know it feels hopeless at the moment, but it doesn’t have to be with the right help and support

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

You are absolutely welcome here, @lorenalewinskyy. It sounds awful at the moment for you. I’ve had times of feeling similar. You are not a lost cause. How you feel will change. Your brain is being unhelpful by telling you hugely worrying things such as “I’m a lost cause, I will always feel this pain.” That is not objectively true. Keep talking here.

Just wondering how you’re doing, @lorenalewinskyy? 🌼