Emetophobia - terrified of this sickness bug

[nellyraggbagg]

This sounds so stupid, but I'm completely terrified of the children (not to mention DH and me) catching this Norovirus that's doing the rounds. I've been emetophobic for as long as I can remember, and it has become even worse since having children. Every time they open their mouths, I'm terrified they're going to say they feel sick. When I go to bed at night, my last waking thought is: "Oh my God, what if they're sick in the night?" My DH is working away a lot at the moment, which makes matters even worse (he is good at dealing with sick, thank goodness!!) I have dealt with both children being sick (I have found that manic cleaning helps very slightly to take my mind off the blind panic), but am rigid with fear following newspaper reports of this current bug. How will I pick DS up from school if DD and/or I get it? My Mum is miles away, unfortunately. And what if DH gets it? I don't know how I'd cope if he were sick. Please, please help, someone - even if just by saying that I'm not the only person who feels like this!

Good luck to all those of you who are venturing to toddler groups. I have agreed to an after-school play-date for DD and DS on Weds, so have managed to overcome my natural inclination to say no. No doubt I shall be scrutinising them even more closely afterwards!

Clothespeg is of course absolutely right about not setting up OCD/phobic behaviour patterns. All the more so if you have a child who's anyway inclined to be obsessive (as my DS is - he's hyper-anxious about pretty much anything, whereas I think I could scrub DD's hands every three minutes, and she'd think "oh, whatever, it's that nutty mother again", as that seems to be her personality!)

I did have a minor breakthrough yesterday, in that I didn't immediately wipe their hands after they'd been playing in a stream in the woods. I was clutching the antibac stuff in my pocket, but didn't give in to temptation. I did find it hard, though.

As for the child v-ing in the restaurant: aaaaaargh. What a thought. I have not recovered from seeing the result of a child having done the same in the Ikea cafe. What a terrible stroke of bad luck to be sitting next to it (spot the obsessive behaviour here, for which I feel very guilty. I should be feeling sorry for the poorly child, and instead I'm sympathising with the person who had to witness it!)

DS pale and tired this evening, which is making me anxious - though DH assures me that he may just be ... tired. Given the lack of any other symptoms, I'm prepared to accept that he might possibly be right (though it's not like DS to be quiet and polite after school!!!!!)

My Grandma suffered from this phobia but my Mum (her daughter) not at all.

I only found out about my GMa's problem very late in life, long after I was an adult.

My mum never gave me cause for concern over sickness when I was a child, afaik. She was all sympathy and concern and loving. My older B seemed to get more bugs than me and she looked after him like a lovely nurse.

But one time when I was little, the fair came to town and I was sooooo excited. Trip to the fair was planned for days and when the time came we all went - mum, dad, brother and me. But my mum was sick on the way (I remember someone covering it up with autumn leaves) and I just wonder if she had given off vibes of not wanting to go out (due to feeling ill) and I had insisted (due to being normal selfish child) and then feeling guilty after cos my Mum actually wasn't well. And maybe this is at root of my issue. Or maybe I just inherited it from my Gma?

Hi all, Ds went back to school yesterday and as soon as he came out of school he said 'everyone was in class today!' relief!! As for passing the phobia on I dont know where i stand with that as my eldest son who is 16 has never been bothered by vting at all I asked him a while ago and he said it doesnt bother him but my youngest who is 5 is soo like me if he is going to be ill which is twice in his life he panics like crazy and with both children I have acted the same.. ie if they are ill I take myself off quick but calmly and then panic and clean etc etc so I wonder if its in our genes?? Where would I go to find someone who does CBT would it be through my GP? I hope not as mine isnt very helpful when it comes to my phobia. Hynotherapy if I take it up this time will be in Harley Street and it would be £135 and hour last time I paid £40 per hour but I have looked at his website and he has emailed me saying he really believes he can help me!!! but I really am so desperate to be rid of this phobia that rules my life I think I will end up doing it!!! just need to remortgage the house!! Also was wondering if everyone else is like me ie watch what I eat, I can even think to myself that something is off and convince myself that I will get ill and throw it away knowing really that it is well in its best before date etc I also clean alot I wouldnt say I am obsessive but well maybe a little!! Look forward to hearing back oh yeah how crazy is this I have google alert set to my email addy for any news on the noro virus!!!

I think all of us are currently hyper sensitive to any sign of illness in our DC's. It really is a horrible time of year.

I always thought phobias were a reaction to a traumatic past event or caused by witnessing someone elses reaction to something as a child. I never thought it may be hereditary and that is an interesting thought. I think my own mother may have been emetaphobic as she was awful to me when I was sick as a child. I can recall feeling very sick during a cooking class at about six years of age and when I was sick I tried to stop the teacher from calling my mum as I was convinced she would shout at me. When I was sick as a child and never made it to the toilet in time she would threaten to rub my nose in it like a dog. I don't recall being scared of the actual act of being sick as a child but as I got older, probably into teenage years I was very frightened if it and am, if possible worse now. However in Daphnes case her own mother was fine. I have read before that various disorders like OCD and depression can run in families so I guess phobias could be the same.

Niggynaggynoo - if he can help you then every penny would be well spent. I am sure there are some hypnotherapists who are so confident they will give you your money back if it doesn't work. I have vague recollections of the one I saw for something else offering something like this. Maybe research that first before committing yourself

Notalone - what a sad story. I am so sorry. The whole nature/nurture thing is fascinating. My own mother had (has) no problem with sick, and was always very kind to us when we were ill (my sister had a lot of sick bugs as a child - she specialised in getting them on Christmas Day!!), so she can't have passed the problem on to me (and my sister has never been bothered by v-ing). And as I've said before, my DS is terrified of v-ing (either doing it himself, or being around someone else who's done it), whereas DD couldn't care less either way. My Mum does say I've always been prone to anxiety and obsessions, which is true (at around five, I was so terrified of the house burning down that I made an escape ladder out of my clothes - yes, very useful!!) I am a bit obsessive about antibacterial spray, but that's about as far as any kind of cleaning obsession goes. But I am certainly given to anxiety, especially now that I have the children to feel anxious about (at the moment, I can't believe I'll ever let them cross a road alone, or go in someone else's car, never mind walk to school on their own!!! I can't read any book in which a child comes to harm, as it sends me into too much of a tizz...) So perhaps I'm genetically prone to anxiety, and have passed the gene on to my poor DS as well.

So far as food is concerned, I'm always chucking stuff out just in case. It drives DH round the twist!

If I could find a local hypnotherapist that I could afford, I'd probably be tempted (if a bit afraid that he'd either dredge up something horrible, or that it wouldn't help at all). I think I will try CBT, though, especially if you can get it on the NHS. It seems that it won't 'cure' the phobia, but it might make it easier for me to live with it - and I'd be grateful for that at the moment.

Back to the dreaded topic: we went to a party in a park after school today. I decided it would be a safe bet as it was outside - but, of course, there were buns and crisps which all the children were helping themselves to (and so was DH, to my horror). There is no way those children had washed their hands. Then I heard one of them saying he felt sick. Aaaaaaaaargh. I shall be really obsessively checking the children and DH for symptoms for the next 48 hrs.

I don't know where mine has come from as my mother was great when we were ill. One of my earliest memories is of my sister v over in the car. I think this is partly why I find it so hard to go on long journeys with dc. I am terrified of passing this on. I know I become sressed and shouty when they are ill

I definitely beleive it does have a lot to do with childhood. With some of us on here we seem to have picked it up from our parents and others seem to have been traumatised by witnessing others being ill, but always as children. Like you Nellyraggbagg I was a very anxious child too. My aunt had a really bad bowel condition which sadly she eventually died from, and was in and out of hospital a lot. I suffer from IBS now and probably always have and as a child I used to get diorhea (excuse the spelling lol) when I was nervous or excited about something. I remember my mother saying to me I was going to end up like my aunt . As you can probably tell I have a lot of issues with my childhood and can attribute a lot of blame for how I am now to those days. Needless to say I am not the same with my DS and never will be - I am determined he will never have the same issues I have.

I had the same situation as you today too. One of DS's best friends had a bug for 8 days over xmas. I reckon in your case the child who felt sick did because of over indulgence. Let us know if you and your family are ok

Belgian Bun - I am the same and have a phobia of choking too so in a way it is a double whammy as I am not only petrified of being sick but also of suffocating. Its scary isn't it?

I think we all need a trip to (a hopefully sympathetic) GP for a referal. Its so sad we all have to live with this.

Hello all,

Well, it's 24 hrs since the party, and no sign (yet!!!!!!!) - though we went to a friend's house for tea today, and the children were sharing recorders and whistles. It doesn't bear thinking about. So that means more anxiety now...

One thing my Mum said after DS showed signs of anxiety/obsession was that it made her feel better as it was all obviously genetic, rather than her bad parenting having made me that way!!!!

It is sad, having to live with this. I tried to engage DH in a conversation about hypnosis last night. He said: "But if hypnosis cured you of emetophobia, what on earth would you have to think about?" Humph. I think you might say he wasn't convinced. Though given that the one I found locally charged £60 per hour for a minimum of 10 sessions, it's probably just as well.

Hope you are all okay!!

Hi Nelly glad you are Ok I read in The Times yesterday there was a dip in norovirus cases reported at the end of dec really cheered me up. It would be great not to have to worry about this. Went to pick DD up from gym and a little girl was sitting at the side looking very pale it was all I could do not to rush in and drag dd out.

Oh, needapoo, you were very brave not to drag her out. After I'd posted on here, I went onto google to look for news results for norovirus (how sad is that?), and I saw the Times thing - plus a similarly encouraging story in the Guardian online. They reckon it's just media hype, and that the number of cases is decreasing. I shan't be counting my chickens yet, though!!

www.eurekadirect.co.uk/Norovirus-Control.aspx?gclid=COmUt876-5ACFRMXQgodIWam1A

I am thinking about buying one

Hey everyone, am another who is petrified at thought of being sick and would love to know if anything like CBT would help. I've always reasoned that it's not an irrational fear since it's horrible and you could choke. Also, can't see how you can acclimitise to being sick "look, here's a picture" or "stand 20 foot away from someone being sick" etc.
Was sick myself 3 years ago and was awful I'm never the person who is sick once, then feels much better - always 11 - 15 times[].Before that, it had been 11 years - When was the last time any of you were ill?
Sorry so rambling - never "met" anyone before who had this - most people just look at me like I am a headcase

I won't relax until April! DD managed to contract 'it' last March, which was a shock to the system. I braved a 'messy play' group this morning and washed the toddlers' hands before the snack and when we got home. I'm determined not to be obsessional about hand washing.

Does anyone else find this phobia much worse at night? I mean, I can be quite relaxed about it during the day, but the minute I get into bed I am stressing about one of dc's waking up and being sick.

Hi Twolittletoys - welcome to the thread for the petrified!! Thats a good question actually. I know people who are sick a lot, probably once a year at least. I was last sick in 2004 and it was horrible. Before that was 2002 and then before that I hadn't been sick for about 14 years. What is the longest the rest of you have been without being sick?

Annoyingdevil - I also think it is worse at night - not sure why actually and luckily DS apart from once has always been sick in the day. Did you catch it after you DD last March?

Hello all, and welcome to twolittletoys!!

I dare not say when I was last sick, for fear of tempting fate (it's the only thing in the entire universe that I'm superstitious about) - I fear that even saying it was a long time ago means that I'll get norovirus tomorrow.

Is it worse at night? Yes, yes, yes!!!!! The worst time of all is when I'm settling down to go to sleep. Every time I hear a tiny rustle from their rooms, I'm sure they're going to be sick.

The bad news here is that a boy in DS's class has got norovirus. There are only 10 in DS's class, so there's a very good chance that they've been in contact with one another. Apparently they had a talk in assembly about hand-washing, and were given a funny sheet about bugs and germs. If it has hit DS's class, I just know we are doomed... we have a builder coming to start some work on our house on Monday after a year-long wait, so I bet we all get it in time for that!!!

The only non-gloomy thing today was the New Statesman article, which almost manages to be funny about norovirus - quite an achievement...

You might know, if you've read further down the thread, that I have the phobia in all its classic symptoms and have done for many years. At least 20! LOL!

But funny thing is, my best friend, has developed it only recently. And her problem isn't to do with the act of vomiting itself (which is what mine is, in me or anyone else within sight/hearing) - friend's problem is to do with what she calls "the resulting chaos". Ie, as far as I can tell, the cleaning up, extra washing, days off school. She just seems to feel unable to cope with this, rather than the physical act.

I find that curious. But goes to show we all suffer in slightly different ways.

And I feel guilty too - all the years she's listened to me drone on and on might have finally sown the seed of emetophobia in her mind when she didn't have it before.

?????

Bb - you are such a magic poster. I do think you are just fab!

Don't know if you've picked this up from my previous posts, but I live very close to you if you are close to the Maudesley (had both my dcs at Kings for instance). Luckily my GP (in Peckham Rye) has CBT therapist attached to her practice, so she referred me to this CBT therapist and I haven't had to pay, its on the NHS.

Perhaps some other posters could try GP first before opting for horrendously expensive hypnotherapy/private CBT. You may be like me and simply not realise CBT could be available on NHS? I did have to wait 6 months though.

But, belgian, my therapist has been incredibly patient with me through many lapses, tears etc, when I thought I was getting better. She has never, ever, suggested taking a pill to make me vomit or any other kind of "flooding" therapy. One time she did quietly mention that certain kinds of videos might be available ... but she is so gentle with me, she even asked if it was okay to say the word "vomit" (as it happens okay with me) - she spelled it out, like you might do with a child when you don't want them to know what you're saying.

Will watch your posts with much interest, as am keen to know what they do at the Maudesley. Could well end up there myself, I suppose.

One great thing about this cyber-conversation with fellow sufferers is that it has definitely convinced me to take my courage in both hands and go to the GP to see if I can be referred. One reason I've never done so is that I've felt like such a weirdo (and her DD will be in my DD's class at school!!!) But I do think I should try to get whatever help is available, and have been hugely encouraged by you all!

I can't imagine any universe in which I'd be able to do the vomit-pill thing, though. I don't even want to think about that one.

Bb - thank you for your reassurance from the chalk-face. Turns out that DS doesn't know for an absolute fact that his classmate has norovirus - he's just doing what I'd do, and assuming the worst (though if they're talking about it in assembly, it has obviously reached their school) I airily said: "Oh, he might have a cold or an ear infection - there could be anything wrong with him" (whilst going into Serious Panic Mode inside!!)

Hi everyone.

I have been quietly lurking for some time now but I just HAD to join MN so that I could post on this thread. I have suffered from emetophobia for all of my adult life. For me it is really only focused on myself being sick - if one of my DCs or anyone around me is sick and I know it's not catching (travel sickness, pregnancy etc), I can usually deal with it ok, but I can barely describe the blind panic I feel if I think it's a bug. I, too, hate this time of year when noro rears its ugly head. I only recently discovered that this was called emetophobia and is actually a fairly common phobia. I guess that most sufferers, like me, never talk about it (too ashamed!).

I so identify with most of what has been written here - obsessively checking who is off school, and why, throwing out perfectly good food, constantly asking everyone if they feel ok, ears on elastic at night listening for untoward noises ... I could go on.

I, too, am wary of saying exactly how long ago I was actually sick, but put it this way, it was decades ago (I'm in my 40's)!! I've come close a few times, but have always somehow managed not to.

I have briefly tried hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and thought field therapy but have kind of got to the point where I feel that I can't be cured and will just have to live with this. So great to find this thread and feel that I'm not alone.

Hello Tarantulip,

No, you are most definitely not alone! I have also felt as if I'm the only person with this problem, and I'm so glad to know that other people feel the same way. At least we can all understand one another - which is impossible for a non-emetophobe. I am so bad about this that I sometimes think that every sentence my DCs start is going to be "I feel sick". All they have to say is: "Mummy...", and I have finished their sentences for them. I'm then surprised and relieved when they're talking about something completely different...