Emetophobia - terrified of this sickness bug

[nellyraggbagg]

This sounds so stupid, but I'm completely terrified of the children (not to mention DH and me) catching this Norovirus that's doing the rounds. I've been emetophobic for as long as I can remember, and it has become even worse since having children. Every time they open their mouths, I'm terrified they're going to say they feel sick. When I go to bed at night, my last waking thought is: "Oh my God, what if they're sick in the night?" My DH is working away a lot at the moment, which makes matters even worse (he is good at dealing with sick, thank goodness!!) I have dealt with both children being sick (I have found that manic cleaning helps very slightly to take my mind off the blind panic), but am rigid with fear following newspaper reports of this current bug. How will I pick DS up from school if DD and/or I get it? My Mum is miles away, unfortunately. And what if DH gets it? I don't know how I'd cope if he were sick. Please, please help, someone - even if just by saying that I'm not the only person who feels like this!

glad he is sleeping... as the evening goes on i think it sounds less and less like noro (fingers tightly x'ed...

i hope i don't end up eating my words but my fear is more ill/bug v and contagious v than travel sick v. i also watch other people like a hawk wherever i go(for signs of v bugs) i do hate v in all its terrifying forms but could, for example, just about be around for someone who had v from, say alcohol, as i know (v v v selfishly and thus full of self-loathing) that i wasn't going to catch it. for me i think it is partly the fear of the unknown, how long it will last and how severe it may be that causes my greatest concern.

oh dear, i fear i am making absolutely no sense at all. am feeling tired and a little down about the whole emet thing tonight to be honest... and utterly terrified that i/ds/dh will catch a sick bug on the plane and then be violently ill while abroad. aaarrrrgggh. i am equally terrified of watching ds or dh being sick (particularly ds) in an aside from fear of catching it type of way.

oh dear, perhaps i should give up and try to explain myself a little better in the morning.

i wish you and nelly peaceful nights. x

Just hoping to lighten the tone a little:

We went on a very rough channel crossing to France. DD was 3.5, DS still a baby, only 9 months.

Twas very very choppy and quite a long crossing. Me and DH feeling queasy and all around us people having to go outside "for fresh air" etc.

DD announced she was hungry. So went to largely empty dining area for meal. DD cheerfully ate her way through main course. DS had something mushed up. Me and DH sipping on water etc. Then DD announced VERY strong desire to have pudding, after HUGE meal, what could we do but accommodate her? Plates and bowls were literally sliding back and forth across the tables as boat rocked. She ate the lot AND WAS NOT SICK. Travel sickness does not seem to occur to kids unless you put the idea of the possibility of it into their heads, imvho.

zonedout you and me are very different I don't care if I catch just can't stand the actual act IYSWIM. It is time like this I feel like running away

ohhhh ... I'm bad all ways. I can't work out if I'm more scared of catching it, or more scared of watching it. Horror all round. I did once manage to talk to a friend with morning sickness - it was a selfish struggle, but I kept telling myself that it's not contagious.

Going to bed now, with fears of being awoken by DD ...

Good luck tonight, needapoo. Thanks for being talkable-to, all of you!

Daphne that is not always the case unfortunately! We have never mentioned to any of our DDs about travel sick etc, but unfortunately for DD2 as soon as we have been in the car approx 90 miles she is sick big time, that includes us being vigilant parents, not feeding crisps, sweets and drinks. we only give a basic non milky meal before we travel, etc.

Daphne that gives me hope. We have been invited to stay with friends in Ireland and the only practical way to get there is by ferry. Dreading it already.

At least in a car we can stop before it's too late! DD sometimes gets car sick on long journeys. (and I've never put the idea into her head) But really this is nothing compared to the dreaded D & V! (in my mind anyway)

nelly & needapoo, how are your dc's this morning? hope the night passed peacefully.

bb, am in a v similar boat to you... this is what i was attempting to write in my sleepy haze last night... i can just about cope with other people being sick as long as i know i can't catch it. it still makes me a little panicky but i can cope. and i feel extremely evil about the selfishness that these feelings enatail. especially as a mother. my guilt for not going to toddler groups at the moment is huge. but, i suppose,at least i am not in a constant state of panic...

also just starting ttc #2...also had grim queasiness throughout my pg with ds and also praying it gets no worse with next pg.

brilliant that you are in line for treatment (despite the wait)

Only just got round to checking this.

Zonedout and Belgianbun - I am like you and am terrified of it being me who is affected. If a friend is sick through being drunk then I am all sympathy and can even clear it up as there is no risk to me. If Ds is affected because he has been coughing then ditto. If its a bug I have to force myself to go near. When it comes to DS I feel like the worst mother in the world but I can't help my feelings sadly

Didn't realise it was in the news again BB and to be honest seeing it again made me a bit angry. Why do they have to keep going on about it? Aaarrgghhhh!!!

BB and Zonedout - good luck with ttc. I didn't have any morning sickness during my pregnancy and maybe just maybe it was mind over matter. Fingers crossed you will both be the same

Thanks for your hand holding last night ds seems to be fine for now. Sorry to panic

Hello all,
DD seems fine today, as well (phew). Glad your DS is also okay, needapoo!!

Yes, I think it's me I'm most worried about. I can (just about) cope with v if there's no risk whatsoever of me catching it - though even then, I wouldn't be able to clear it up. I suppose it's a sort of fear of the unknown, and how it will affect me (I feel selfish even writing this). I don't know!

What I do know is that we have all been very brave to go through pregnancy at all, given our fears. My mum had hyperemesis with both of us, so I was sure I'd be the same (and spent years saying I'd never be able to have a baby in case I was the same) - but I wasn't actually sick with either of them ("just" nauseous). So I have my fingers crossed for you, bb and zonedout...

Hi I found this site after daily searching the internet on the latest on the norovirus!! I too am an emet have had it as long as I can remember it just doesnt seem to get better. Have been like woman possessed since this all hit the headlines, I havent sent my 5 yr old back to school yet well I did on wednesday but found out that 6 kids had been off with a sick bug so he stayed off for the remainder of the week!!! I have to send him back tomorrow but i doubt I will sleep tonight!! It is so nice to know that I am not mad.. I read through these posts and think god I do that and that, if one of my boys does actually v then you dont see me for dust I'm like road runner!!! I have had hypnotherapy for this phobia but the guy said after taking £400 off me that he could no longer treat me as I didnt have any idea where my phobia stemed from!!! do any of us??? I wont bable on just wanted to say Hi!

Hello niggynaggynoo, and welcome to the noro-panic. I had wondered about hypnotherapy, but feared a hypnotherapist wouldn't dig anything interesting up from my past - so your experience is interesting (if anyone has any different experiences of hypnotherapy, do let me know!! I feel I'll try pretty much anything!!)

Niggynaggynoo - I think a decent hynotherapist is supposed to take you back to where the fear started and £400 sounds a bit excessive too. Don't be put off by trying another (think they have to be registered with some sort of regulator so check first) or try CBT - others on here say it has worked wonders.

I myself have tried hyno for something unrelated but it did bring back a lot of unpleasant memories from my childhood that were buried until that point so do be cautious if that is the route you choose

Just wanted to say to those of you who are getting your kids to use antibacterial hand gel and so on a lot - the gel itself may be safe for them but do be careful you don't set them on the path to OCD as bad or worse than your emetophobia. I have OCD and emetophobia (though more mildly than I used to) and I think it's something you need to be really careful about. If you are going to keep making them use it, try always to have some sensible reason you can share for doing it that isn't 'well you touched that that someone else might have touched and there might be a stomach bug on it'... I have to say that being afraid of passing on a contamination-related anxiety to my children is one thing that has helped a lot with balancing my fears, along with some much-needed CBT. I've now accepted that although things like intensive, constant, interrogation and cleaning and hand gel and avoiding places where bugs can be, and all that stuff, might make us miss some bugs occasionally that we'd occasionally get, the cost could be unacceptably high in terms of setting my kids up for life with anxieties and contamination fears that become crippling OCD (after all they have my genes so already susceptible to some degree I'd guess!). So suddenly I'm choosing between two evils and catching and coping with a bug can sometimes seem like the lesser one... the way I see it, for every 500 times I might insist on a handwash, maybe 1 would actually make the vital difference between someone being sick and not (after all, even people who don't take extra precautions aren't sick all the time). But maybe those 500 handwashes will have a worse effect on my children in the longterm than the 1 stomach bug would have on me...

I know it's really difficult and I'd never expect someone to go "oh gosh you're right, never thought of that, I'll just stop". It is very difficult - feeling the anxiety and enduring whatever it is anyway - and that's what CBT can really help with. But if you can't stop doing the handgel etc. (and by the way, things like Triclosan will be absorbed through children's skin), maybe seek help if you haven't already. For me it was finding myself wanting to use that stuff on my dd's hands all the time that was the trigger for seeking help and I'm so glad I did. And if you are still doing it try always to explain why and have some solid reason, and perhaps avoid using terminology of illness - anything to reduce them ending up with the feeling that their hands are contaminated in some invisible way - keep it logical - because that 'invisible contamination' is such an OCD thing and if you don't explain to kids it could be the feeling they end up with, rather than linking the cleaning to something real.

clothespeg - I agree with everything you've said.

Meanwhile my DS has been sent home from nursery this morning. He is pale and cold and very tired and has a sore throat and cough. Currently lying on sofa watching Fraggle Rock.

I wouldn't be unduly worried except that he had a really bad and long-lasting cough over Christmas - he was ill for about 10 days. I can't believe he's got the same bug again - so it must be something else!

Feeling strangely calm atm. My DH is away so I know I will just have to cope if it is a stomach bug.

Perhaps my CBT is working a bit ...

P.S. Can a 4 year old generally aim the v into a bowl? He's only actually been sick once before when he was very young.

My experience of a 4 year old is that that's about the age when sickness becomes a bit easier to deal with as they can and want to try to get it in a toilet or a bowl (the bigger the better in my experience though as that does make it easier - a proper bucket or one of those plastic storage boxes is good).

Good luck!

Daphne - Hope your DS is better soon. Good to hear that CBT is working!

The v into a bowl question makes me go all shivery - but I gather from a friend who's a nanny that it's perfectly possible for three-yr-olds to manage it. I don't think I could bring myself to go down that route, as I'd then have to see it and throw it away (I'd go for a large towel that goes straight into the washing machine...)

nelly & needapoo, glad your dc's are fine!

bb, am up for an emetophobic pregnancy thread when the time comes... much luck with ttc!

daphne, hope your ds is ok and glad you are feeling calm (you are a v good advert for cbt!) i usually breathe a sigh of relief when there are other symptoms (cough/runny nose etc) as this tends to mean it is not a v bug so fingers crossed for you (unless you really do feel ready to try the results of all your hard work in which case i hope it is a v mild one! )

clothespeg, what you write makes so much sense and i hope i am able to take at least a little of it onboard. i am so so worried about creating hand washing issues in ds (he already has started to ask to wash his hands when they have anything on them - paint/porridge etc) but, equally these horrid phobias are so illogical. my mum had a (house) cleaning ocd. i definitely rebelled against that one... i loathe hoovering

so, after all of my ridiculous hiding away last week, missing out on groups and not arranging playdates dh and i took ds out for pasta yesterday lunchtime. and yes, you've guessed it, a little boy at the next table was sick everywhere. twice. so am back on high alert again. am also going slightly stir crazy from so little social interaction so have made a few playdates this week. fingers crossed nobody is harbouring any nasties (esp just before we leave for SA...)

goodness, i haven't been here long but i think i am going to miss you all...

Oh god Zonedout that's awful. I hate seeing anyone vomiting, but in restuarants - arrrrgh!! I wouldn't take my dc's anywhere near one if they were the slightest bit under the weather. Hopefully, your ds will be fine.

I was on high alert yesterday as my 17 mth old had diorrhea. He seems fine today, so I'm thinking it was the bath water he drunk yesterday morning (don't ask!!!)

After hiding away last week, I'm determined to take my dc's to toddler group tomorrow - I may need some serious hand holding on here over the next few days!

Daphne hope you are OK when dd had bug the week before her 4th birthday all the v except the first one ended up in a bucket

annoyingdevil, we are also going to a toddler group tomorrow... i'll hold your hand if you hold mine.

daphne, how is ds?

Thanks for asking - my darling is trashing the house as we speak!!

I can hear in his voice that he has a sore throat and he has this really annoying persistent hard cough - sounds like he's continually trying to clear his throat.

Not vomiting.

Just can't believe he's ill again. After having it so recently too. Generally he's a pretty strong little lad.

God Clothespeg - I KNOW you are right and I know it is my problem to sort out. I do not want to pass anything like this or indeed OCD onto DS - I want him to enjoy a life free of all the crap that I go through. I am going to make a conscious effort not to make a big deal of it - its gonna be difficult but am going to try really hard. will keep you all updated.

DS went back to school today. I even sent him to music club which involved lots of sharing of wind instruments. Eeeek!! Am actually strangely calm now - fingers crossed I will be able to continue to be calmness personified!

Daphne - your Ds sounds a lot better lol if he is trashing the house. Its like that calpol ad where they apologise for making them better I think its just that horrible time of year where there are trillions of nasty bugs everywhere. Roll on spring!