Emetophobia - terrified of this sickness bug

[nellyraggbagg]

This sounds so stupid, but I'm completely terrified of the children (not to mention DH and me) catching this Norovirus that's doing the rounds. I've been emetophobic for as long as I can remember, and it has become even worse since having children. Every time they open their mouths, I'm terrified they're going to say they feel sick. When I go to bed at night, my last waking thought is: "Oh my God, what if they're sick in the night?" My DH is working away a lot at the moment, which makes matters even worse (he is good at dealing with sick, thank goodness!!) I have dealt with both children being sick (I have found that manic cleaning helps very slightly to take my mind off the blind panic), but am rigid with fear following newspaper reports of this current bug. How will I pick DS up from school if DD and/or I get it? My Mum is miles away, unfortunately. And what if DH gets it? I don't know how I'd cope if he were sick. Please, please help, someone - even if just by saying that I'm not the only person who feels like this!

ok, in which case public phones are now joining public bars of soap and public hand towels in my list of avoid-at-all-cost items.

I have got a thing about buses as well - certainly all the buses around where we live are revolting. It's straight out with the Carex squirty stuff if we go to town on the bus...

Ah, isn't it nice to get a mild giggle out of what is really quite a debilitating phobia?!

zonedout - Did you know that the germs from poo can get through 10 sheets of toilet roll? I didn't until i heard it on a childrens science type programme.

I worry about us all catching the bug too. Especially as a single paretn with no-one near by to take DC to school if i am ill.

Can I gently ask anyone on this thread: are you planning to ask for help with your illness?

I ask because I strongly believe you cannot carry on living your lives in fear like this. You are living half a life, less than half a life if you can't go out or are keeping your kids off school.

And, also, using antibacterial gel on your children's hands, let alone diluted bleach - is really not (quotes) asseptable.

Are you going to carry on like this every year until your kids leave home?

The anti bac/germ killing stuff i have used is perfectly safe for children.
I don't stay home and don't keep my kids off school but i still worry a lot that we will get it. I don't think i am as bad an emotophobe as some people.

Thanks bb!

If only my two dcs weren't thumb-suckers!!!!

In sainsbo's yesterday i caught my 4 year old licking the bar thing across the front of the trolley (you know the thing you hold to push it around with, name temporarily escapes me). Blardy kids.

daph x

Hi i would just like to say that i dont have children but just happened to stumble across this website when i was obsessing about the sickness bug and looking for when it is likely to die out! i am petrified of catching the sickness bug and have threaten my family with death if they bring it home! I always carry Cuticura around with me wherever i go (despite all my friends laughing at me!)I never knew that this was an actuall phobia and i thought i was the only person in the world that constantly obsseses about catching it. it is so nice to see other people that feel the same. i dread the day one of my family comes home saying i feel sick! its like my worst nightmare, my heat drops and then starts beating really fast, im only 17 so i could probably do with getting some help! anybody got any tips i would love to hear them!
Much love

Thank you, bb!
I can now stop holding my breath if I do see horrid stuff on the pavement, so that's something.
Emilie - yes, you are not alone. It is horrible, and the only consolation is that I'm not the only person with this dreadful phobia.
DaphneHarvey - yes, you're right: this phobia does stop you leading a full life. Or, rather, it prevents your enjoyment of a full life (I have not actually kept DS off school or not let him go swimming - I just feel tempted in private!! But I do know that I can't let it dominate the children's lives as well as my own). The antibac. gel I use is perfectly okay for children's skin.

To answer your question: I would love to be 'cured' of this phobia, but don't know where to start. If you have any suggestions, I'd welcome them!

Yes, I fear at the moment that this will carry on until they leave home - but, more to the point, as I've been phobic about this for as long as I can remember, it will carry on far beyond that. Having children hasn't given me the phobia; it's just intensified something that was already there.

DD has gone back to nursery school today. Argh.

Hello just wanted to say that im phobic about lots of thing and so my symaphys go out to everyone how is worring !!!

Can i ask where this virus is or is it all over the country ?? im 2o+5 pregnant not not very keen on me Dh and DD getting it!!!

Its it very dangerouse if your pregnant ??

Thanks and sorry to hyjack the tread !!

thanks to nellyraggbagg for staring this, it has made me aware of the ways in which you cant catch it, as i believed that going near a person who has it is a risk, so i dont have to exactly isolate them and put a black cross on the door! What a relief!

DaphneHarvey - on one hand you are asking gently then on the other you are adding angry emoticons and saying what we do is not acceptable. We know we have an irrational phobia and we also know we are missing out on a lot by having it. Please don't judge us because we all feel bad enough as it is. If on the other hand you do have any suggestions as to how we can overcome this then please share them because we are all fed up with being like this and do want to live normal lives rather than living in fear.

BB - thanks so much for copy pasting this. There are a lot of frightened people out there so that clears up a lot of myths about how you can catch it.

Does anyone have any ideas how to persuade my DS to keep his hands away from his mouth when he is at school? He is always putting his fingers in his mouth checking for wobbly teeth and despite me urging him to always wash his hands after using the toilets at school he often forgets. I fear if he is going to catch it then this is how it will happen.

Notalone - I have precisely the same problem with DS putting his fingers in his mouth. He just does it without thinking - and ditto on the wobbly tooth front. I'm at a loss as well! I did think of painting his hands with that stuff you put on children to stop biting their nails, but then thought better of it!!

Sweetbean - yes, it's all over the country. So far as I know, it doesn't present any risk to a pregnancy, fortunately.

Good luck, all. I am feeling gloomy today, expecting a phone call from school/nursery to say they've come down with it!

Nellyraggbagg - DS is still saying his ear hurts so he is still off. When I spoke to the school office yesterday to report his absence I casually mentioned the norovirus and said I bet they had loads of kids off with it. to my surprise she said no - there are only 4 kids off sick including mine out of the whole school, so maybe yours will be the same. Where in the country to you live? We are in South Yorks. I am still worried though - I bet he goes back next week and that is when it hits his school.

Re the putting hand in mouth I briefly thought about that too but wouldn't actually do it lol. One of his teeth came out on Tues so maybe it will stop for a while but I doubt it as like your Ds he does it without thinking. How old is your DS? Mine is 6.

Oh, I forgot to mention. There are two sites dedicated to people with this phobia. Emetonline and Gut Reaction.

We're in West Yorks. I know W and S Yorks have both been hit, so I'm really glad that your DS's school is clear so far. Long may it stay that way.

My DS is six in May. There's no way you can stop boys putting their grubby fingers in their mouths, I fear. Boo.

I did look at those sites, with some trepidation in case there were images (some people think you have to face your fears - 'exposure therapy'?? - but I'm not one of them!!). They do make you feel less weird. I've not even told my friends about my phobia in case they think I'm nuts...

Yeah - I found them a few months ago and was good to realise it isn't just me. I know so many people who are sick and for them its just normal and I desperately want to be like that too. I did meet the wife of one of DP's friends recently and she has the same phobia too which was reassuring for both myself and also for DP who before just thought I was being a bit dramatic.

One of the emetophobia sites has a forum and on it someone said they had been to their GP who advised the norovirus thing has been sensationalised and he hadn't seen any cases himself since Xmas so that is reassuring too.

Eeeek - just had a thought. If you are in West Yorks you could be about 30 miles away from me. Where does your sisters partner live?

thanks so much for that bb... so my fears have been confirmed... we are obviously a nation of extremely grubby people who do not wash hands after going to the loo. yuck! so much of this could be prevented with basic hygeine (obviously hard with young children but no excuse for adults!!) but that info definitely makes me feel slightly less scared to venture out...

at tortoise's scientific poo fact. that's grisly!

and i have to say i agree with notalone; daphneharvey, i felt the tone of your post to be a little judgemental which is perhaps unhelpful for a bunch of emetophobes who are currently in state of high alert (due to being bombarded with norovirus in the press) and i for one am feeling more than sufficient self-hatred for my feelings and actions. what you say is perfectly logical but sadly phobias entail no logic whatsoever. i know that emetophobia is a particularly difficult phobia to treat. are you an emetophobe who has found something that has helped you? would love to hear any helpful personal experience

Dear everyone - I have share this problem with you all and have been posting on threads like this on Mumsnet for two years.

I am 45 and have been aware that my reaction to vomiting is not normal since, feels like forever, probably my teens.

But over the years, as it intensified, particularly now that I have children at school and nursery, I came to realise that I had to try and do something about it otherwise my behaviour would become more and more depressive and/or obsessive. I have stopped short of putting bleach on my kids hands and have to force myself to keep quiet when they are putting their hands in their mouths.

Your GP can point you in the right direction re. therapy for this phobia. It is, apparently, the fifth most common one. If you search through old "Health" and "Feeling Depressed" threads you will find literally hundreds of people on Mumsnet who understand your problem.

I am 3 months into a course of CBT. I am nowhere near cured yet and still generally unhappy. But one thing I do know is that without treatment I will never improve and I can't accept that I have to live the rest of my life with this cloud hanging over me.

The reason for my initial question is not to judge or pry or compare myself favourably or unfavourably with anyone on this thread. I hoped it would make at least some of you think about doing something proactive to help you get over it.

The support one gets from threads like this is very comforting, I know that, but by having any kind of conversation with other emetophobes, we are reinforcing the idea that vomiting bugs are TERRIBLE CATASTROPHES rather than just unpleasant illnesses that are very rarely life threatening (that's not the reason for our fear is it?) which is how the non-phobic majority of people see them.

thanks for that, daphneharvey. do you mind me asking if you have seen any improvement since starting your CBT? i really admire you for taking steps to get better.

speaking personally, i don't find reinforcement of my very negative feelings about sick bugs here at all. yes, i do find great comfort discussing these things with fellow emetophobes (especially as i know none in RL). actually being able to have a giggle about it here (which i think you can only really do with people equally as nutty and therefore without fear of being judged) is good enough therapy for me for now.

i am (believe it or not!!!) a trained counsellor and therapist (not in CBT though) and i know that you cannot send/force a person to have help/therapy. they have to go when they are ready, otherwise it will generally be futile.

i am fully aware that i need to get help with this, as i know things will just continue to escalate as my ds reaches school age and i (hopefully) have another dc. i also am aware that my phobia comes from a not very happy childhood place. and i am not ready to go there right now.

so, for now, i would like to be able to come here with my ridiculous panics, freak out, laugh, support and feel supported. and hopefully not succumb!

Some improvement, yes.

I do feel sorry for my therapist though - I started seeing her in September and since then, in RL have been exposed so many times to vomiting bugs, via mine and my DCs friends, that its almost funny. Has certainly been the "worst" year from that pov since I had my first child 7 years ago. Then the norovirus in the news last week!

Infact, the other night to give myself a break and a little tlc because I was being hard on myself, I sat down and typed a list of all the incidences of vomiting in CLOSE friends, people we see all the time at school etc, in the past 3 months. And it was 19. I saved it under the name "silly list" though, to try and diminish its importance in my mind's eye.

Like I say, my motivation to contribute to this thread was not judgemental at all. Someone didn't like my "tone" when actually my tone is all empathy (except for putting bleach on children's hands).

I've spent an hour with my therapist today, actually, and the best thing for me right now is to get off the computer and stay away from this thread and others like it because atm I am concentrating on behaving "as if" I am someone without this affliction.

Daphne x

Thanks Daphne. The thing is I am trained in Science and a very rational person. Whilst, I'm obsessing about this bug, I am also telling myself not to be so bloody ridiculous.

I think we emetophobes realise it's just a harmless bug, but it's the fear we're terrified of, not the actual vomit (disgusting though it may be).

At the moment I'm trying to pluck up enough courage to see my GP for a referral. The only person who knows about my phobia is DP (I'm that ashamed). Like Zonedout says, this will open a can of worms about my childhood, relationship with my own mother etc. Not sure I'm quite ready to confront it yet.

I might go down the GP route, too. I have no idea why I'm phobic - had a very happy childhood, great relationship with my parents etc, so can't see any link there. Maybe it's just an obsessive personality thing in my case?

I do find this kind of discussion useful as I am not currently in a position where I can act as if I didn't have this affliction. I find it's even worse if I can't talk to anyone. My DH is kind of sympathetic, but doesn't really know what to say or do, beyond repeating rational arguments - all of which I fully understand. I would just love to feel the same way about vomit as I do about diarrhoea - namely that it's not very pleasant, but no big deal either.

To be really cheerful, when I picked DD up from nursery school today, she told me that she dropped her snack-time biscuits on the floor - and immediately picked them up and ate them. I don't believe it. I shall be scrutinising her even more closely for symptoms for the next 48 hours!!

I am sorry if I misjudged you Daphne. I didn't realise you were someone struggling with this too.

I was on a waiting list to see a clinical psychologist because of this phobia and also because of my phobia of choking. I was on the list for 3 years and starting seeing someone in the spring but because she was leaving the area and wouldn't be there to see me through the sessions I needed she did an assessment and then referred me to a colleague who's contract wasn't ending. However I then thought I was moving away myself and took myself off the list. My move subsequently fell through so I would probably have to go back on the waiting list again now. Like Zonedout and Annoyingdevil both my phobias come from my childhood where I also suffered a degree of abuse so don't think normal CBT would help me. I would be interested in hearing about coping strategies you have been given though to see if any would help some of us.

The rational part of my mind knows sickness is not a terrible catastrophe but the irrational part of my brain thinks it is and I feel an overwhelming sense of panic if I think I have been exposed to it. I caught a bug in 2002 (may even have been the dreaded noro bug lol as we all had it in quick succession) and I was crying and hyperventilating with fear. My phobia is impacted worse with the fear that I may choke on the v too so its a double whammy if you like. Ds caught a v bug in 2004 and was sick all day with only me to look after him. That day for some reason I coped without external panic like a normal mum would so I guess there may be hope for me yet and I definitely do not wish to pass this fear to DS. I just want to be normal