Emetophobia - terrified of this sickness bug

[nellyraggbagg]

This sounds so stupid, but I'm completely terrified of the children (not to mention DH and me) catching this Norovirus that's doing the rounds. I've been emetophobic for as long as I can remember, and it has become even worse since having children. Every time they open their mouths, I'm terrified they're going to say they feel sick. When I go to bed at night, my last waking thought is: "Oh my God, what if they're sick in the night?" My DH is working away a lot at the moment, which makes matters even worse (he is good at dealing with sick, thank goodness!!) I have dealt with both children being sick (I have found that manic cleaning helps very slightly to take my mind off the blind panic), but am rigid with fear following newspaper reports of this current bug. How will I pick DS up from school if DD and/or I get it? My Mum is miles away, unfortunately. And what if DH gets it? I don't know how I'd cope if he were sick. Please, please help, someone - even if just by saying that I'm not the only person who feels like this!

Hi souvenir, glad your DD ok. You'll feel rough through not eating and drinking! Don't know how we survive sometimes do you?!! My MIL thought/still thinks i have an eating disorder! If i feel 'safe' then i will eat normally (well i use the term normally loosely!), but if i feel worried about a bug or something then i eat very carefully. Called in tesco's tonight and there was an awful sickly smell on one aisle. I had a bit of a panic attack. DH said it was cheese but i've been up that aisle many times and never smelt that, plus its all wrapped up cheese so how could it be that? Think he was trying to put me at ease but i wasn't convinced!!Didn't go up that aisle and quickly scurried to the other end of the shop! x

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Souvenir, i'm so with you on the eating disorder thing. Everyone i know thinks i don't eat, even though i am normal weight, because i'm thinner than them they always say i should eat more, but like you i long to tuck into some hearty meal, i just daren't! Don't like that full feeling in my stomach do you? Years ago i was like you,very underweight and on high-calorie drinks form my GP. At least now i do eat normal food but in moderation.

I have a couple of anti-emet drugs that i always have in 'just in case', and i always have some on me as well when i'm out. I have stemetil and metoclopramide, they both make me drowsy so i try not to take them but they are there for emergencies.Does motillium make you drowsy?

Hi to everyone else! Hope all of you and yours are well. Have a lovely weekend! xx

Souvenir - I do sympathise. I was believed to be anorexic when I was a sixth-former, and I was indeed very underweight. I was desperate to eat, but I thought that if I ate, I'd be sick, and if I was sick, I'd miss one of my 'A' level exams, for which I needed very high grades (crazy logic by any "normal" standards, but very sensible to me!) My poor Mum was desperate - I remember my Dad begging me to eat just a few mouthfuls before dinner one night; to do it just for her. I knew she was desperate, and I so wanted to help her, but I was just too scared to do it.

When I did go to university, I decided on Day One that I had to eat because I was running a serious risk of wasting away, so I did precisely that. I was terrified of the Halls of Residence food (not least because I didn't know where it had been - and various people came down with salmonella over the course of the year), but I had started to become even more frightened of becoming even thinner (I was about 6.5 stone then).

I have eaten "normally" ever since - though I won't eat out (unless I can have something like pizza, and even then I'm anxious for the following three days). DH wants us to take the DCs to France in May to stay with friends, and my first thought was: "I can't go - the food might make me sick". I will have to take a jar of Marmite and some crackers if we actually do it!! At the moment, it seems impossible to contemplate from any angle.

I've never told anyone about the eating thing - not even DH, properly. Good luck, Souvenir...

And waves to everyone else!! xx

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Souvenir - sadly, I can't say I've turned my life around, though I'd like to. I just decided that enough was enough, and that I was heading for serious problems if I didn't start eating. I am still obsessed with over-cooking food (to be on the safe side); I am obsessed with use-by dates (and will throw stuff away if it's been open for a day, even if it's nowhere near the use-by date - to thrifty DH's horror!!), and am overwhelmed with anxiety if we ever have to eat at anyone else's house (when I would tend to pick at something 'safe' and leave the rest). I nag DH when he cooks (in case he hasn't cooked things thoroughly), which annoys him immensely. My biggest fear in the entire universe has to be barbecues - on the very few occasions that DH has forced me to go to a barbecue, all the food has ended up in the undergrowth!! I wouldn't let the dcs eat it, either...

My DH does know about my phobia, but if he knew that I spent most of my waking hours worrying about being sick (or, worse, him or the dcs being sick), I think he'd probably run out of patience. I don't think the dcs have any idea yet, and I am hoping to hide it from them. When they're 18, they'll probably say that they knew all along!!!

I don't know where this phobia came from. I remember that I had another long phase of not eating when I was 10 or so - when we were on holiday, I didn't eat for a week as I was afraid of getting food poisoning. I remember Mum begging me to eat one McDonalds chip, and I just couldn't for fear that it would make me sick.

I have been phobic for as long as I can remember, and have no idea why. I had a very happy childhood, so can't blame that. I have always been generally anxious, so maybe it's just a personality thing in my case - anxious personality finds some particular thing to fixate on? Whatever it is, I wish it would go away!

My God - I go away for a milli second and miss all this!

Souvenir - I am very much like you and daren't eat out at all. I work FT and have to fend off the "Why don't you eat?" comments constantly. The only thing I can eat out is chocolate which I deem to be "safe" and people are always lecturing me on it. It drives me mad. I sit in the canteen with the others at lunchtime and am desperate for a proper meal. Its horrible isn't it?

Hey Wiggleit - sorry for going on the missing list hon. How are you? xx Did I read correctly that you have trouble eating out too? How have you been with the kids being back at school? xxx

Nelly - how are you feeling now? Do you think being away in France may make you a bit more relaxed or would it have the opposite effect? What would your DH do if you told him how it really is?

Hey Terriblyashamed (though you shouldn't be), AD, CTGH & BB!! Anymore luck with ttc BB?

xxxx

Hello notalone (and everyone else!)

Oh, being in France would be a nightmare from start to finish (or, in fact, for far longer - I'll spend so long worrying in advance that I'll be in a state of hideous anxiety for about 6 months). If I told DH the true extent of how it feels to be me, I think he'd try to sympathise, but he wouldn't be able to imagine it at all - so his sympathy, although genuine, wouldn't extend to refusing to visit his friends for fear of illness!!

Bad moment today in the car. DS went very pale and shivery and quiet (he didn't even fight with DD), then asked me if I'd ever felt car-sick. Cue major panic attack. I managed not to say "why do you ask...?" (party for fear of what the answer would be) - but I'm sure he was feeling sick. He was reading in the car (I have always hated him doing this in case it brings on car-sickness, but have never said anything as I don't want to put the idea in his head!), so maybe it was that - but he didn't want any chocolate later on, which was also worrying (the last time he refused chocolate, he v-d about five hours later). So I am now very anxious and pessimistic. He did eat his tea, and seems perky now - though it still not trying to murder DD, which is potentially a bad sign!

An anxious night awaits me...

BB - as a result of your therapy today, I did not scream and faint when DD ate a crumb off the table at a play centre. I did inwardly, but managed not to say anything!!

Probably because I'm too anxious about DS to worry about crumbs as well...??!!!

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Evening all! How is everyone? We're all fine. Just been reading thru this thread to catch up.

Notalone-hiya matey! I do have trouble eating from time to time depending on the situation and the worries i have. I especially fear eating out or at friend's houses or the dreaded bbq...in fact i don't think i've ever eaten at a bbq yet! My DH is as fastidious about cooking as i am so i'm lucky that way that even if he cooks i know it will be 'well done'!! I do trust his cooking which is a big statement coming from me!

I did live on chocolate for a long long time, much to the disgust of my friends and workmates, who all used to be dead jealous that i could eat chocolate and still stay thin. Little did they know that chocolate was my whole diet! I love chocolate anyway but like it when feeling worried coz it tastes so nice and doesn't give you that 'full' feeling. But i never ate any normal food at all. God knows how i survived! I'm a lot better now with food although always aware.

Does anyone else on here take loads of vitamin supplements? My DH thinks i'm barking with the amount of vits i take! I do worry a lot about my immune system, wanting it to have the best chance to fight any nasty bugs off!

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Oh no Nelly. How is your Ds now? I hope he is ok and was just a little travel sick.
Its a shame your DH doesn't understand. I think anyone who hasn't got this finds it hard to understand. DP has done his best in the past but also admits that he doesn't really "get it" and the last time I V'd and was crying and shaking he laughed as he said he thought my reaction was funny. I don't think its bloody funny. I think I may have got the last laugh though because I V'd all over the bed (was in denial that it was going to happen and didn't go to the loo ) and he had to clean up as I was in no fit state.

I sometimes find I am better on holiday without the everyday stresses and strains so you may be the same. Let me know what you decide.

Wiggleit!!! I so wish you worked with me. We could tell all those chocolate naggers to sod off!!! I am so bloody sick of justifying myself. I found slimfast shakes a few months ago and get people questioning me all the time saying I don't need them and should eat a proper meal etc etc. It drives me mad. Do you work in a big open plan office with a canteen like me? xxxx I don't take vits but only cos I don't like swallowing tablets. What a wuss hey?!!!! Can you get them in liquid form?

Souvenir - you sound so much like me. Can you come and work at my place along with Wiggleit please?? Have you tried Slimfast etc? They come with all the vitamins you need for a meal and are supposed to fill you up too. I know how horrid it is to starve yourself all day so this may help you.

Well my paranoid moment has come. I was off work on Friday but when I got in today I found out the man behind me, the woman opposite me and the woman next to me have all had a terrible sick bug. I have been handwashing and applying First Defence like there is no tomorrow. Do you think I may be ok if I have had no contact with these colleagues since Thursday? I shared my monster much crisps with one of these women on thursday and she had her sicky germy fingers in my packet and all over my crisps. Aaarrgghhh!!!!!

Aw thanks BB. Your CBT account sounds scary and satisfying all at the same time. Logic says that you will not be ill but I know how that little emet voice in the back of your mind works too. Everyone is a suspect sadly. Think you are being incredibly brave for the record and I look forward to hearing future updates. Well done!!!!!

Your teens sounded awful BTW. My phobia has become worse since I became a mum. I got through my teens relatively unscathed, despite having one V bug and 2 episodes of drunken V'ing. It is only as I have got older that things have affected me more. I am glad you sound a lot better now. The only way is going to be up!!! How are you feeling about everything atm??? xxx

BB - you are one brave person. No way could I do the not-hand-washing thing, but I am full of admiration that you have done it (and are doing it). And you are not ill yet! Hurrah!!

What's weird in my case is that I've had phases of being really, seriously phobic - and other phases of being able to live with it (I've never been "cured", but it has varied in severity). It's having the dcs that has really made it worse for me - the idea of them v-ing really, really gets me - and, of course, having the dcs makes it much more likely that DH and I will get a sick-bug...

Notalone: I'm sure you will be fine. If you've not seen them since Thursday and they've all come down with it since then, you will surely be safe? Is it possible they all ate something dodgy for lunch on Friday? I have my fingers crossed, anyhoo.

My DS seems fine today, btw - thanks for asking. He was unusually pleasant on the way to school, but made up for it by brutalising DD when he got home! Always a good sign... And if he had a tummy bug, it would surely have declared itself by now?

My next challenge is when DH goes away for a week at the end of the month. He went away for the same week last year, and DD v-d repeatedly for two days, so I am anxious well in advance this time!

Hi notalone..was just considering coming to work at your place till you said all those people had been ill!! Will leave it for now hun ta!
So, how are you coping? Hope you are not too hung up about it (I would be no matter what any reassurances anyone gave!). My neighbour text me this aft to go round for a coffee and a catch up so i did and she casually dropped into the conversation that the boy she child-minds had had d&s last week, this is the little boy who now has a bad cough and was coughing all over the place. Great!! Was worried but am trying to put all bb's theories into place to try and get to grips with myself. Am thinking of you notalone but i'm sure you'll be ok, got everything crossed for you chick..

So how do you feel bb after your mucky session (am not referring to you ttc..heehee ) Do you think you can do what your therapist has asked? What i don't get is that on the news and everything the reporters and doctors all say, don't put anything in your mouth without washing your hands first, it's the rule that everyone gave and yet you've got to go against all that advice. Don't get it? Well i kind of do but not iykwim How screwed up do i sound?? (don't answer that!)

Hi to everyone else, how is everybody? xx

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Hi all, how is everyone?

bb - thanks for the stuff you wrote about handwashing etc. I do understand why your therapist is asking you to do such things, it just goes against the grain for us doesn't it? I wasn't in any way being funny about it, hope i came across ok. I have sooooooooooo much respect for you girl! You are doing absolutely brilliantly with your therapy. You definitely seem to be seeing things more rationally and in explaining things to us other emets you are helping us too, thank you!! xx

Souvenir, how's you chick? hope you are ok. I used to be like you as in not eating till i got home,would never eat if i knew i was going out somewhere. I'm a lot better now and eat before and while i'm out, and at work etc. I'm still funny about eating out just coz i worry about the hygiene of the kitchen or the staff preparing my food. A lot of thought goes into what i actually order coz of that. Don't eat meat or fish out though. Awful isn't it the amount of control we let theis phobia have on us? It affects so many areas of our lives doesn't it? xx

Hi Notalone...how are you? Surviving i hope! I'm sure you'll be ok. You weren't there while they were ill and as souvenir says as long as they weren't on your computer touching your keys with their contaminated hands you should be ok. bb is good to consult at times like these.Let us know how you're doing chick. xx

Hi to everyone else...Hope all is well with everyone! xx

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Evening all! Like bb i'm hoping no news is good news, it's been quiet on here the last couple of days. My DD been off school for the last couple of days...with a bad cough...phew!!Still been on my guard though. She's had a temperature, still has. Took her to Drs yesterday. How is everyone else? xx

Hello all,
We're fine here (she says, touching every available bit of wood - or laminate, in the case of my Ikea desk!!)
I took DD to get some new shoes yesterday, and wanted to run a mile when the assistant said her niece had been throwing up all over her for the past few days (why did she have to tell me that?????), then held DD's hand...
I had BB in mind when DD dropped her Molly the Magical Cat on the floor in the loos at Meadowhall, and I didn't immediately consign it to my pocket for later disinfection!!!! (Thank you, BB... You have done my DD a big favour there - she'd have been so sad to have had her cat taken away...).
Hope everyone else is well!

Hi Nelly, glad all is ok with you. Where do you live hun? We go to meadowHELL quite a bit. BB is great isn't she? She has really helped me with stuff she's shared with us.

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm having a bad day. DD and DS on school holidays but both out for most of the day. DH at home (he often is, he's freelance). So I took myself off to shop for a nice new spring jacket ...

After 5 hours trawling round the shops didn't find one. So came home fairly pissed off. As soon as I get back home through the door, DH announces he has really bad stomach ache. I've been with him 17 years and only known him throw up 3 times before (once through drink, once through food poisoning via Macdonalds, once unknown, presumably bug). So I feed children, get them ready for bed - put them to bed without letting him come to kiss them goodnight - come downstairs and he announces he's going to bed too as he doesn't want to freak me out by hanging around with stomach ache.

So he goes to bed and I seek solace here. Then dcs both get out of bed and come and find me (they share a room) - DS has a nose bleed!!! So I have to take him into bathroom and clear up nosebleed all the while worrying DH is going to burst in with very urgent need to use the facilities.

I feel like getting in the car and driving 100 miles away tbh. Just the thought of DH getting out of bed and going into bathroom and doing god knows what in there is making me on edge. Very on edge. Very very on edge actually.

Fekking fekking fek.