I genuinely feel sad I dont feel good enough for a relationship because I have trouble achieving climax. I feel like I want to get pregnant so that I'm not on my own anymore.

[depressed01]

I feel terrible about myself I feel like everything is ruined and I hate myself. I really dont want to be on my own anymore but I'm not entirely sure I want a baby. I only want one so thati get the chance to be a mother and that I can at least have love from somewhere. I have never had sex but have trouble achieving orgasm on my own due to damage to that area from a massager. I was very young when this occured and I didnt even have a faint Idea what i was doing didnt even know what it was called. I feel so sad. I really dont know what to do and no one understands. I feel so alone with this problem and I'm scared to have sex for fear of being made fun of and fear of not being able to climax. I feel terrible. I genuinely dont want to live. I feel like I should do it now so that I at least get the chance before I turn old and ugly my mum had a history of glaucoma in her family and I'm scared if I leave it I'll get it too . And then no one will find me attractive. She got it at 40 and I really dont want to be like that and with no one.id rather be dead tbh. What is the point of working to be excited for nothing. I feel so sad. To top it off my skin is terrible from growing up with a weed smoker who smoked it constantly. My mental health is wrecked I feel li have nothing and I'm not even sure why I'm still alive if I cant at least experience it just once and be able to enjoy It

Please tell your gp how you are feeling and why Op. You need help.

1. Having a baby for that reason is not sensible, it's not fair on the baby. You need to feel much better to be able to cope with motherhood, especially single motherhood.
2. Even if climaxing is impossible for you, that is not a reason you couldn't have a fulfilling sexual relationship. No one on a first date would know, and by the time you feel ready to have sex you could explain beforehand. It's really unlikely to put someone off if they previously fancied you! Is there a visible injury you'd need to explain? Because if not, I doubt a new partner would even realise until you tell them, when you feel comfortable to do so.
3. How old are you? You likely have plenty of time before you're unable to be a mother, and your first priority for making that happen is to stabilise your mental health.
4. Plenty of 'ugly' people have children - this is not a showstopper.

I feel like it doesnt look normal down there. Inner lips have slight white edges around them I'm not sure that is normal but I'm scared to go to docs

Please please please go to the doctors, Op. You deserve to feel better and be happier.

You really need to speak to a doctor about your thoughts and feelings.

But you should also speak to them about your concerns about having done damage. You may find you actually haven't and there is something mental holding you back.

We all come in different shapes, colours, sizes down there. Be careful about comparing others (especially if those women are in certain movies!!) Again a doctor can help you with this!

I dont think it is normal though I have never heard of anyone having a similar thing to me I dont know. I feel so sad

I think you need psychotherapy more than a baby right now. I would say that any damage to your clitoris from a massager years ago is going to be psychological rather than physical.
Saying that, your orgasm is personal to you. Its not a failing or anything to be ashamed of if you havent been able to make it happen yet.

Hi depressed01,

We're sorry you're feeling this way.

If you're feeling very low and need to talk to someone, please contact the Samaritans by calling 116 123, or by emailing [email protected].

You can also ask for help by texting 'SHOUT' to 85258 - Shout's trained volunteers will be able to give you some support - giveusashout.org.

There are many other organisations listed in our Mental Health webguide which can give you some real-life support, so please click on the link.

We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic now - we can see that there's been some good advice and support from other Mumsnetters already, but we feel that's a better place for your thread.

We hope you're okay.

Hi @depressed01, I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time.

I would strongly recommend you make an emergency GP appointment, as you sound very depressed, and don't deserve to feel this way. There's a variety of things your GP can do, ( such as prescribing antidepressant medication, referring to NHS counselling), that can help.

I would also recommend asking your GP to physically check the damage caused by the masseuse, as there may be stuff they can put in place to help.

Many NHS trusts provide psychosexual counselling, ( by GP referral), for people experiencing these issues, so it may be worth asking your GP fr psychosexual counselling referral.

www.letstalkaboutit.nhs.uk/other-services/psychosexual-counselling/

Separately to psychosexual counselling, you can also directly refer yourself to NHS counselling/ therapy for depression via the following link:

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

If the issue with the masseuse was caused by non consensual touching at all, it also may be worth reaching out to Rape crisis via their helpline, ( they support all victims of sexual assault, whether it involved a penetrative rape or non-consensual touching).

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Take care, and remember dark situations can often change and get better.

I dont understand why I have had such a fate like this. I really dont. All my life I have been excluded and ridiculed I just want something of my own something that no one else can take away from me I m so tired of the torment. I dont even know why anyone would be jealous of me. Majority of times they have everything. A family children etc and I'm stuck living a life like this. I have done nothing wrong so why am i being subjected to this? I dont want to be alone anymore. I want somone to love myself and I'm sad. I have no one parents are I'll and sister doesnt care. Horrible supposed friends elsewhere who always want to belittle me and make me feel bad just because they have skin problems. She has everything else. I'm not jealous just envious of the life she will get. I want a baby and have done for years just to be able to escape my life I live right now. I do love my parents but I am scared that they are going to drag me down with them. I just want something different for my life. I dont want to be this person anymore

I dont want to be with these people anymore. I want my own life. I feel I also have medical problems due to the shit these people have caused me.

I also have this horrible nagging feeling that these are my last moments on earth I feel so sad. I want to cry all the time.its not anxiety and I'm not anxious I came off a terrible mental health drug and i feel it has damaged my heart. I have many symptoms of heart trouble including blue lips tiredness shaking chest pain etc and I'm terrified
I just wanted to feel love once in my life and instead I get this. I feel so sad. I'm going to the docs soon but I know there is something wrong. I dont want to live if it is terminal I'd rather just be put down

@depressed01 the longing for a baby is totally natural, and felt by many. I had very similar feelings, and so do get where you are coming from. I say this to say don't give up, you deserve a family, but to get to the point of having a baby/ family you need to get your mental health back on track first. And when we're feeling so low, doing anything to help our mental health can be so hard - often reaching out for help can be the hardest step, but these days GP's etc receive specific training in mental health and do understand the help out there.

Have you spoken to your GP about how low you are feeling so they can start to try to get help, ( be that medication, therapy, psychosexual counselling), in place for you ?

Alternatively, I would strongly recommend reaching out for help via one of the NHS's urgent mental health helplines. If you live in England, there are 24/7 NHS helplines available to direct people in crisis to appropriate support.

You can find the 24/7 mental health helpline to call for your area via the following link:

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

I'm exhausted all the time

Would you consider calling the mental health helpline tonight OP ?

116 123
Please phone this number

No I wont because I'm fine Its called wanting a normal life. Why cant I have a normal life

I will never go back to the mental health team again.
toxic drugs no thanks.

How old are you op?

Your post about cursing people and wishing harm on innocent children is really concerning. You need to seek help for your mental
Health immediately. A baby will not help
You in this state, that's the last thing you should be thinking about right now.

See your GP, call the Samaritans, get yourself some help.

What sort of medication were you on? When did you stop taking it?
Your last few posts are very concerning as they sound like you are having a mental health episode. You need to seek help. Get your mental health stabilised and you can rebuild your life.
A baby is not the answer when you are feeling this way. A baby doesn’t fix problems and they are hard work.

You said you want something that no one can take by away from you but a child can be taken away from you if you aren't able to look after it.

I understand the longing for a family but it really matters that any hypothetical child is put first and brought into a situation where they aren't being used to patch up a parent's life. It will do them psychological harm to make them responsible for your happiness.

Again, being envious of others is natural. I know the pain of that. But wishing them harm to make yourself feel better just isn't right.

What medication were you on and have you stopped it suddenly? That can cause awful rebound side effects.

But they have tried to ruin my life and almost succeeded. Why should I feel for these people. I'm worried that I wont be able to have children due to all this shit and I'm so upset I just wanted a normal life.

I was on mental health medication. It was horrendous to be on. I'm trying every thing I can to make myself well. But it all stems from within and I know this due to my flaws and feelings of abandonment. I feel terrible and I wish it would just go away. I just feel like all my bullies havent got a clue what real suffering is and they are able to do the very things that I may not be able to do. Makes me livid and sad. Because I have done nothing wrong.why am i being made to suffer.have all my happiness and joy taken from me when I have done nothing wrong. I want to feel accepted and part of a community and to feel important for someone. I know it isnt wise to have a child now but I feel like time is running out for me and it feels terrible. I dont know what else life has in stock for me and I'm terrified

There are many different medications that might help you, along with therapy. You need to speak to your GP.

What medication and therapy have you tried up to now? Do you have a diagnosis?