I genuinely feel sad I dont feel good enough for a relationship because I have trouble achieving climax. I feel like I want to get pregnant so that I'm not on my own anymore.

[depressed01]

I feel terrible about myself I feel like everything is ruined and I hate myself. I really dont want to be on my own anymore but I'm not entirely sure I want a baby. I only want one so thati get the chance to be a mother and that I can at least have love from somewhere. I have never had sex but have trouble achieving orgasm on my own due to damage to that area from a massager. I was very young when this occured and I didnt even have a faint Idea what i was doing didnt even know what it was called. I feel so sad. I really dont know what to do and no one understands. I feel so alone with this problem and I'm scared to have sex for fear of being made fun of and fear of not being able to climax. I feel terrible. I genuinely dont want to live. I feel like I should do it now so that I at least get the chance before I turn old and ugly my mum had a history of glaucoma in her family and I'm scared if I leave it I'll get it too . And then no one will find me attractive. She got it at 40 and I really dont want to be like that and with no one.id rather be dead tbh. What is the point of working to be excited for nothing. I feel so sad. To top it off my skin is terrible from growing up with a weed smoker who smoked it constantly. My mental health is wrecked I feel li have nothing and I'm not even sure why I'm still alive if I cant at least experience it just once and be able to enjoy It

What have the people done to you?
It sounds like you have been through a lot.
Why do you feel like you are not part of the community?
You can get your life back on track. I strongly suggest you take a trip to your GP to see what your options are. Even if there is damage done there maybe ways to reverse it. Don’t give up hope.

A baby isn't going to solve your problems or make you feel less alone.

Am sorry the healthcare system so far hasn't worked for you. But I would keep trying. You can get better. But introducing a baby to the situation isn't going to help while you still feel like this.

Because for some reason people seem to have it in for me. I'm afraid I have diabetes now due to the previous medication I was on and I feel so sad. I dont want to live. I just wanted a normal life with a normal family and to be accepted. Why is that so hard.all due to being around a chronic pot smoker who smoked it every day when I was a kid and growing up I never felt accepted and parents never cared because mom was too dumb and spaced out to care and dad didnt give a damn it was all him and only him.i really just want the experience of being a mother before I die at least to carry a baby. I know its fucked up but I dont want to die alone so if my body does fail due to the pressure of the pregnancy at least I wont be on my own. I'm so tired of it all.

No body sees the problems I have because they think I dont have any.

You're 22 according to your other post. That's a lot of time to have a baby later on. You are not in the right state mentally to have a baby right now.

I have probably got diabetes now anyway. And I look terrible due to it so who would want me

Please see the mental health team. There are different meds they can try. It’s about finding the right one and getting therapy to get in the right place. Sending you good wishes.

@depressed01

I have probably got diabetes now anyway. And I look terrible due to it so who would want me

You don't know you have diabetes. See your gp.

You don't seem to have been diagnosed with any of the things you're worried about like heart damage and diabetes so you might not have any! How is your lifestyle, if you don't want to see a gp or take medications what about some changes that might make you feel a little better. Get outside for fresh air everyday, even in the rain, eat good food, especially Bananas. There's some studies that show the potassium can help with depression.

It's one thing to wish harm on people who've hurt you but not their innocent children.

It's unlikely your skin is permanently damaged by having lived with a pot smoker as a child as skin grows and regenerates, it's why cuts heal and spots aren't permanent! Drink water and get a good nights sleep and it might improve.

What I'm trying to say is things might not be as bad as you think abs there are probably some things you can do to feel better until you're read for more professional help

If you are 22 then you are catastrophising.

I'm 45 and genuinely might have missed my chance and want it as much as you. Make a plan. Focus on your health and channel your worries into putting the plan into action.

I feel so jealous and angry. I have lost so much over this shit. I want a baby. That is all I want so at least I dont die alone. Why are these jealous evil people denying me this fact.

Do you have a diagnosis?

You're not going to get better without help. Please contact your GP.

@CorrBlimeyGG

Do you have a diagnosis?

You're not going to get better without help. Please contact your GP.

Agreed. You sound as if you are letting the idea of these illnesses run away with you and you don't actually know if you have anything wrong. You need checking over and you need some reassurance. You won't be able ro move on until you see your doctor. But you must be honest with them about the thoughts you are having. Some of them do sound irrational. Good luck

@depressed01

I feel so jealous and angry. I have lost so much over this shit. I want a baby. That is all I want so at least I dont die alone. Why are these jealous evil people denying me this fact.

Who's denying you of it? No one is stopping you having a baby because they're jealous of you. Anyone trying to stop you is probably doing so because they are rightly concerned about your mental well-being.