I feel terrible about myself I feel like everything is ruined and I hate myself. I really dont want to be on my own anymore but I'm not entirely sure I want a baby. I only want one so thati get the chance to be a mother and that I can at least have love from somewhere. I have never had sex but have trouble achieving orgasm on my own due to damage to that area from a massager. I was very young when this occured and I didnt even have a faint Idea what i was doing didnt even know what it was called. I feel so sad. I really dont know what to do and no one understands. I feel so alone with this problem and I'm scared to have sex for fear of being made fun of and fear of not being able to climax. I feel terrible. I genuinely dont want to live. I feel like I should do it now so that I at least get the chance before I turn old and ugly my mum had a history of glaucoma in her family and I'm scared if I leave it I'll get it too . And then no one will find me attractive. She got it at 40 and I really dont want to be like that and with no one.id rather be dead tbh. What is the point of working to be excited for nothing. I feel so sad. To top it off my skin is terrible from growing up with a weed smoker who smoked it constantly. My mental health is wrecked I feel li have nothing and I'm not even sure why I'm still alive if I cant at least experience it just once and be able to enjoy It