I feel like there's no point to my existence and I don't really want to be here anymore

masha17 · 08/02/2022 19:35

Life can be tough at times and it sounds like you're hard on yourself. Be kind to you. Jobs for most people are a means to make money, you don't have to love it. Do you have friends to meet up with or are there any local groups you can join for enjoyment?

unicornsarereal72 · 08/02/2022 19:35

I'm so so sorry to read this. You have worth and value. Do you have family. Pets. Anything that gives you something back.

I hope that tomorrow is just a little bit brighter for you.

Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 19:38

Same. I think I'm reaching the end of my tether. My kids are amazing but tbh it's not enough anymore.

Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 19:39

My teeth are crumbling and I can't even find a dentist.

ClariceQuiff · 08/02/2022 19:41

I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish

This stuck out for me I'm so fat but food is the only thing that really brings me some happiness and comfort although I've not eaten proper meals for weeks.

If you aren't having proper meals, that's going to make you feel generally less well and low-spirited. Taking one thing at a time, can you start having proper meals again? Don't worry about whether they are 'fattening' or not, just get back into the habit of eating three balanced meals a day that you can genuinely look forward to and enjoy.

rambleonplease · 08/02/2022 19:42

@Lily2075 you sound very very depressed and your post title is concerning in so much that it possibly implies you have considered ending your life. Have you? However it's really positive that you have come on here and can say all of this even if it is online.

Are you under the care of any mental health team at the moment?

Vallmo47 · 08/02/2022 19:45

I’m really sorry to hear this, I’ve been in similar shoes and it’s awful. I guess the good news is that it’s possible to change things, if you really want to. I know it’s really difficult to find the motivation when everything feels shit. I’ve also been that person to only find comfort in food (3 stone later…). The issue with finding comfort in food is that it has an evil tendency to make you loathe yourself more. Because you have to face the scales sometimes right? You have to own up to what you’re doing to yourself.
I’m truly not saying this to be harsh, I’ve been in your shoes. Everything felt impossible.
What I eventually managed to do was face up to myself. I stood stark naked in the full length mirror and said out loud “I want to feel better. I can do better”.

This is not all about your diet, I know full well this is about your mind. But you know what else helped me feel better in my mind? Exercise. That feeling of self loathe that followed me every minute of every day? 50 minutes of lane swimming and I diminished it. No, exercise doesn’t solve everything. But it is true what they say about endorphins. They WORK.
And once I started getting that feeling of “I did it!!!”, my confidence grew and my negative thoughts started to disappear.
Whether you have an issue with food (I did) or not, exercise can help clear your mind and make you feel happier inside.
Anything else you enjoy but don’t do enough of? Or used to enjoy and don’t find time for now? Photography, scrapbooking, writing, reading? You need to try to replace your negative thoughts with something positive to do. It truly does wonders.

Original poster

Lily2075 · 08/02/2022 19:46

[quote rambleonplease]@Lily2075 you sound very very depressed and your post title is concerning in so much that it possibly implies you have considered ending your life. Have you? However it's really positive that you have come on here and can say all of this even if it is online.

Are you under the care of any mental health team at the moment? [/quote]
Yes I would really like to end my life. If I could just take a pill tonight and it all be over I'd feel so relieved I just wouldn't want my family to think that I had done it. I considered before if perhaps I could pay someone to end things for me. You see hit men in films but I don't know if it's a real thing. I had a psychiatrist but they transferred my care in October because I wasn't in their catchment area anymore and no one has contacted me about anything. I've not seen a mental health professional since September.

OP posts:

rambleonplease · 08/02/2022 19:49

@Lily2075 so did you move house to a nee catchment? This is a nightmare with mental health care in the UK. So many people get lost. Have you gone to your GP about this? You need to get back into the system to get proper support you need.

Ilovecreepycrawlies · 08/02/2022 19:51

Please call the Samaritans @Lily2075.

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

LethargicActress · 08/02/2022 19:52

Is there anything you think you can do to try and access a mental health professional?

You can go to A&E if you don’t feel like your life is safe.

I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this and that you’re being so badly let down by our MH services.

Original poster

Lily2075 · 08/02/2022 19:53

[quote Ilovecreepycrawlies]Please call the Samaritans @Lily2075.

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/[/quote]
Why? I've called them before, it doesn't change anything.

OP posts:

milkieway · 08/02/2022 19:53

Really sorry you're feeling like this

Please reach out to talk to someone Samaritans / or you can text SHOUT 85258

Garysmum · 08/02/2022 19:55

Hey OP. Life certainly feels pointless to many people at different points.

I expect you're not crap at your job at all - as you rightly say someone would have raised concerns. I get that jobs can be totally unfufilling and we do spend so much of our lives working. There is always the thought that the grass is greener if you change work etc.
And maybe that is the right decision for you. I wonder if you could get some careers advice which might help you understand any retraining and the financial implications. I know I won't change work as my earnings are good with this job and far above anything else I could do.

In terms of food - I understand. I was overweight - kicked the comfort eating and then became super thin. And guess what I have comfort eaten my way back up 4 stone.I need another focus and I need to eat real meals as I mostly eat biscuits. I don't do meals at the moment unless you count a can of soup.

And I've tried therapy and all the meds. There are always different or new therapies to try - but you often have to pay I get that. And you may be tired with the whole merry go round of it all.

Coming at it from a different angle - is there anything you enjoy? Or used to enjoy? Exercise helps me - but only the right sort. I like being outside and this time of year doesn't lend itself to that.

Original poster

Lily2075 · 08/02/2022 19:56

[quote rambleonplease]@Lily2075 so did you move house to a nee catchment? This is a nightmare with mental health care in the UK. So many people get lost. Have you gone to your GP about this? You need to get back into the system to get proper support you need. [/quote]
Yeah moved house. A year ago but they only noticed September October time. NHS mental health care is pretty much non existant in my experience hence how I'm in this position.

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Cissyandflora · 08/02/2022 19:59

@Lily2075 you can talk to me if you like. I would be happy to listen. PM me if you feel like talking.

I’ve been through some very difficult times. But I’m still here. Clichéd as it is- there is light at the end of the tunnel. (And no it isn’t the train coming towards you). Life can get better no matter how hard it feels to get through.

I’m thinking of you.

optimistic40 · 08/02/2022 20:00

Please tell your GP that you feel suicidal so that you can get more help.

Do you have family / friends that you can talk to? I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you.

Original poster

Lily2075 · 08/02/2022 20:03

@optimistic40

Please tell your GP that you feel suicidal so that you can get more help.

Do you have family / friends that you can talk to? I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you.

I don't see what my GP is going to do. I have a couple of family members but it'll just worry them. I just want to slip away, that's all I want. I cannot live another day feeling like this.

OP posts:

Cissyandflora · 08/02/2022 20:07

You may find that a GP could help. There is medication and support although I know it must feel awful for you now. You’ve reached on here which is brave and honest and you sound like a person of high value. Could a friend or relative support you by taking you to the doctor or hospital? Where do you live (roughly).

MNHQ

LivMumsnet · 08/02/2022 20:08

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this over to the Mental Health topic now.

Original poster

Lily2075 · 08/02/2022 20:09

Already on medication and have tried loads of different ones. Have self funded loads of counselling. Waiting for NHS talking therapy since September. What else is a GP going to do

OP posts:

Original poster

Lily2075 · 08/02/2022 20:10

Can you not move it please because no one will reply and I desperately need to speak to people right now

OP posts:

Original poster

Lily2075 · 08/02/2022 20:10

@LivMumsnet

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this over to the Mental Health topic now.

Can you not move it please no one will see it there. Thanks

OP posts:

WildPoinsettia · 08/02/2022 20:11

Your GP can re refer you to the MH team as an urgent case, if you've dropped off the radar. Or get you bumped up the list if you're on one, you might not have been in crisis when you were put on the list but sounds like you could be in crisis now.

Cissyandflora · 08/02/2022 20:12

A GP could be a listening ear perhaps. They may have advice too.
Is there anything now that you can think of that would help you feel better?