Parents and carers of anxious kids/teens(part5)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi guys
Just spotted we have filled another thread!
I started part 1 during the journey with my sons escalating anxiety
This thread is a non judgemental place to support each other
As parents and carers we recognise how hard,stressful,and often lonely,this unseen battle can be.others dismissing small wins as the norm for most etc
Please feel free to offload here,share your small wins,take the support and comfort this thread brings

@alwaysscared my daughter started fluoxetine just before her 9th birthday. Initially it worked well but when the dosage was increased her anxiety did too and a change to sertraline was agreed. If I remember correctly, fluoxetine is the first line medication approved for treating children as sertraline is only licensed for treatment of OCD in children but it’s suspected that’s what my daughter has. The psychiatrist would be best to advise you on this. I believe that medication made a huge difference to my daughter. Yes, she is still anxious but she has managed to challenge herself and made brilliant progress (touch wood). She is 11 in the summer. Try to think of it as….if he had diabetes he would need insulin. Medication may help reduce the anxiety to a point where he can access other therapies/help. I wish you the best, feel free to pm.

sweetkitty good luck with the interview. As difficult as it is I think you need to persevere with getting DD in to a more normal sleep pattern.

alwaysscared DS1 started antidepressants at 6. For us there wasn’t another option. If we didn’t do something he would have been an inpatient. If fluoxetine doesn’t work or has side effects there are other possibilities. DS1 has taken fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram and settled on mirtazapine. Why are you still waiting for an EHCNA? Did you not make an EHCNA request a long time ago?

Medication may help reduce the anxiety to a point where he can access other therapies/help.

Roxie this is what medication (antidepressants and antipsychotics) has allowed DS1 to do. Like you say, it isn’t a miracle cure but for us has helped. I hope one day it will enable DS1 to engage with EMDR.

Thanks
Yes, we have only just heard that he has been accepted for assessment for EHCP
I suppose the only thing we can do is try with the meds

Always The LA are in breach of the statutory timescales, they should have informed you whether they were going to undertake an EHCNA or not within 6 weeks of your request. You need to make sure the LA stick to the statutory timescales otherwise they will drag it out. You can threaten Judicial Review if they aren’t sticking to the timescales.

Have you requested all the necessary assessments? As well as those that must be done I would suggest SALT, OT, psychiatrist &/or clinical psychologist are reasonable.

Thanks @1twirlforward2back I will question the timescale
We have CAMHS, psychiatrist, dietitian and school dr. CAMHS are referring us to learning disability CAMHS, SALT and OT.

alwaysscared you don’t need referring to e.g. SALT and OT in the normal way. Assessments can be carried out via the EHCNA which means they have to be undertaken within the statutory timescales without having to sit on the normal waiting lists.

Even though DS is already under CAMHS, psychiatrist, dietitian and school dr you need the LA to seek advice from a psychiatrist &/or clinical psychologist as part of the EHCNA because you need a report written specifically for the EHCNA. The current evidence from the psychiatrist/CAMHS you have is unlikely to be sufficiently detailed, specified and quantified in needs, provision, outcomes for an EHCP. Provision in EHCPs is taken from the reports so it is important all the necessary advice is sought.

Regarding medication don’t be surprised if 4mg doesn’t work and the fluoxetine needs increasing, 4mg is a small dose even for an 8y/o.

It’s really difficult to get DD1 into a better sleep routine as at nearly 18 she’s almost an adult. We used to take the tech gadgets off her on school nights but now she doesn’t have school nights 🙁

Interesting conversation regarding medication , I am desperate to get ADs for DD1 like you have all said it can just take the edge off enough for them to access therapies and cope a bit better. I’m a SEN teacher and some of out children are medicated from a young age for their anxiety sometimes it helps sometimes the side/effects make them worse.

Sweetkitty it isn’t easy, but it is important to persevere. DD may be nearly 18 but her mental health at the moment is preventing her from seeing a normal sleep pattern will help her in the long run and the cycle of being awake at night/asleep during the day is exacerbating her difficulties. There are others on this/previous threads who have similar age DC who struggle with their sleep pattern who found persevering helps.

Oh I know she really needs it but it’s so difficult, both DH and I are working full time so we can’t stop her sleeping during the day. We can’t control when she gets up although I do wake her in the morning before I leave (also at weekends). She’s just not in a place yet to start helping herself. CAMHs suggested baby steps like going for a 10 minute walk with me each evening she’s yet to do it same with eating a bit better. She looks awful too so grey and drawn, I am always telling her to come sit outside

Betty my dd2 is 18.i am evil mum who sprinkles water on her face at 4th attempt wake her up.in our case she's repeating year 12 and has meds to take before breakfast which helps on week days.i am same on weekends though as meds are easier to remember to take at set times!
I must admit I did a nag stage.constant asking her to do x.she eventually got fed up and snapped to which I reply do it and I shut up.
We walk daily in summer months before dinner at night,again lucky as we have beautiful nature reserve literally 10 minutes walk from us and wild bunnies feeding lures her out.
It is hard but twirl is right about not be well enough to know what's in her best interests.foid us a work in progress.i pick my battles there.bedtimes aren't fab,but improving as the lack sleep makes her settle earlier than used to(currently 12-1 most nights.i wake her 630 for meds,she snoozes on til 7 then has to eat)

We have a meds check for dd2 at camhs today.mdnt be last visit.no adult services to be involved as she has no addictive coping strategies or self harm..

DS has second eng lit paper today.nervous wreck,but I'm super proud of him for having a go with just a few months of work.hes saying units changing from sept to support in MS learning.i think it's realised can't do the level teaching required for the GCSE kids at least using TAs.still no work on placement,no phone number as all work from home.
He has his eng Lang paper Friday,then two weeks of having to attend but no work to do before his time there's done.ive messaged them today what are they actually planning to do with him?

Zoo I hope yesterday went well for DD2 and DS. I would email the Director of Children’s Services threatening JR if you still don’t have an amended EHCP naming post 16 placement.

Sweetkitty has DD had any bloods taken? Especially vit D and B12. If she doesn’t already will DD have vitamins, especially vitamin D? Before leaving for work, rather than ‘just’ waking DD up can you make sure she gets up. In the hope that of she is up she is less likely to go back to bed. Or perhaps the school holidays will allow you to focus on DD’s sleep pattern.

twirl I named our school on 23rd may.i had told them over the phone prior to that we were awaiting a meeting with the school,and which one was considering
I had an email from school today asking what was going on as they've heard nothing yet,no ask to consult etc
Can you remind me if timings for these things please?

Zoo the LA should have finalised an amended EHCP by 31st March. They are well over timescales so you don’t need to wait to threaten Judicial Review. Before naming a placement the LA should give the school 15 days to respond to a consultation. But this doesn’t mean the LA can go over the statutory deadline.

They did an amended ehcp but no school named at that time as we hadn't got word from chosen one.the school havent been contacted by la yet

Zoo Email the Director of Children’s Services.

If you have an amended EHCP with section I blank you can appeal. If the LA amended by the statutory deadline you will be out of time, but can ask for a late appeal to be accepted. You should do this ASAP.

She has been looking forward to her prom and a concert this weekend for ages. We have spent so much time (and money) on her prom. Tonight she has decided she is not going, it’s too stressful and she won’t enjoy it (if you think you won’t enjoy something chances are you won’t). The concert is her favourite artist she has been excited and is going with one friend. £350 tickets great seats as part of her birthday.

me I am veering between feeling so sorry for her and anger. She won’t even do baby steps to help herself. counsellors tell her to do little steps like take a 10 min walk or go out in the sun for half an hour. Phone a friend. No she doesn’t do any of it. She doesn’t even try. I think that’s the frustrating thing.

I know this shouldn’t be an issue but I also feel she doesn’t know how lucky she is. She has everything she needs. I grew up very poor and was emotionally abused with rotten parents. I put myself through uni and have worked hard to have a comfortable lifestyle where we have everything we need. DH doesn’t understand mental illness he is always solution focused, he thinks it’s the snowflake generation who have no resilience. He does support her, takes her to appointments, let’s her be etc but it’s not working and we are at our wits end. Also afraid of self-harming and hurting herself.

I have. Job interview tomorrow and am sitting in tears worrying about her

Hi @sweetkitty -firstly good luck with your job interview !
So sorry it is so difficult right now, I think its probably more that your DD cant do these things not wont . She is probably feeling really anxious and upset that she feels she cant do them. Theres a book by Suzanne Alderton called partnering not parenting that I found really insightful, she also has a face book group but all the posts can be a bit overwhelming. Might be worth a look?
There are a lot of parents in similar situations.
I would take a deep breath and a step back, you cant "make " her go , any pressure you put on her is likely to backfire so I would just try and reassure her that if she cant mange it then its ok (I know! really hard) and that you understand how difficult it is for her, how proud you are of her and ask if there is anything you can do to make it easier for her, is she worried about transport, wanting to come home half way through etc.
I do sympathise with what you said about upbringing, I also had a difficult childhood and my DCs life seemingly has been much easier in comparison, so its hard to understand how these things happen but sometimes there is no reason and you just have to try and accept it and try not to blame yourself.
Things wont be this way forever, she will improve but it does take time, my DD also refused to engage with anything for a long time, including school, medication and removing all expectation and pressure has greatly helped her MH, she is slowly getting better and is now ready to take those small steps that she couldnt manage before but its been a long journey and we still aren't there yet. It is very hard so be kind to yourself-and good luck!

Hi folks
Welcome sweet kitty
We are seeing glimpses of our old dd now she doesn't have the pressure of attending school. It's nice. She is still having suicidal ideation bet it is now clear to see that is driven by hormones so def PMDD. She has the pill to start taking as soon as her next period starts.
I have confirmed to her school she won't be going back. I am still waiting to hear from LA and solicitor what they can offer her in terms of alternative provision. I'm not rushing. Don't expect anything before September.
Sleep is an issue for us, but for now we are just keeping the pressure off and letting her be. We are all more relaxed as a result.

Hello roxie and scared, nice to hear from you both.
Tiktokcat so pleased you are seeing glimpses of your old DD, I hope going on the pill helps her.
We have our tribunal hearing tomorrow, feeling apprehensive about it all, will be glad when it's over!
Nothing from our LA for weeks, they haven't updated tribunal bundle with a missing document, despite being directed to by the tribunal, its not a really essential one it's a recent email chain that just shows the history and that we have been trying ( and failing) to work with them.
Still no idea who is turning up for LA tomorrow, they havent completed an attendance form-I've given up expecting any response from them!
Wish me luck!

🍀🍀🍀🍀runner
Let us know how it goes
tiktokthat's wonderful news

Sweet kitty I use an analogy I got from a psychologist I follow on Instagram
"If you imagine a jug of water and everytime you do something positive you at a drip of food colouring to the water.it seems like nothing but over time the water changes colour and improving depression is the same-no immediate result but it's a long term game "
I've found this really helpful way to remind dd2 why we do X,y,z and that the foundation blocks of sleep,regular eating,relaxation/mindful activity/doing things for fun and movement seem basic and pointless but accumulatively they hold the key to feeling better

Oh and 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀for the interview tomorrow sweetkitty and I do hope you have some time each day to care for yourself and someone to talk too.its very stressful caring for a resistant or depressed child,frustrating as they get older too as it's harder to get them to do things we know are in their best interests

Good luck runner

Thanks everyone i messed up the interview and didn’t get the job. It was an awful weekend what with DD1 not able to go to her prom and concert she was so looking forward to. DD2 got accepted to college today and I think that’s me hard on DD1 as it’s the college she wants to go to and we’ve been all excited for her. She’s not in the place to go to college yet I have no idea what she is doing to do just want her better

Runner good luck today.

Tiktok I hope the pill helps.

Sweetkitty I am sorry the interview didn’t go went well.

So tribunal hearing over. LA didn't turn up.
Judge not Impressed and barred them.
They also questioned why we asked for only 10 hours education, explained this was our LA policy for EOTAS and tuition services won't go against it as LA commissions their services so they have to tow the party line. Judge thought 10 hours rule was unfair and probably unlawful and asked if we would prefer 17 hours so we said yes.
I am feeling hopeful of a positive outcome, will hear in two weeks. Wish me luck.
Thank you for wishing me luck.

Sweet kitty, I'm sorry interview didn't go well, I'm sure your head must have been exploding with everything else that you have got going , very hard to juggle everything.