Parents and carers of anxious kids/teens(part5)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi guys
Just spotted we have filled another thread!
I started part 1 during the journey with my sons escalating anxiety
This thread is a non judgemental place to support each other
As parents and carers we recognise how hard,stressful,and often lonely,this unseen battle can be.others dismissing small wins as the norm for most etc
Please feel free to offload here,share your small wins,take the support and comfort this thread brings

tiktokI took citalopram for a number of years and loved it.
Leap hope you are getting some rest if your day's been long.x

It wasn’t too bad a night thanks Zoo. Today is better than yesterday too.

How are DC, and importantly how are you?

I'm fuming tbh.ds is doing practise GCSE papers this week.all fine and dandy,cept they doing maths which was ment be functional skills and the eng lit papers he hasn't even done Macbeth, poetry has been could u tube videos and he's done couple chapters Jekyll n hyde.hes getting very stressed can't do it properly and I've lost will to live with the unit.
End school year cant come soon enough!
Dd2 having day off as she's in overwhelm.to her credit she's battled on this past week shaking and has increasingly stimming behaviours and tics.today we are reorganising some stuff(build new unit in the girls room yesterday) then she's having a bath and relax session.sge also has signed self up to use school gym when in free periods to try and reduce stress
Lil zoo isn't doing v well at all.off yesterday and today.lots pain,lots feeling like needs the loo.feels sick try encourage her out the house,which I assume anxiety(?)so not been to school.controlling eat/drink continues.phone app with continence team end this month

I'm wrecked.not sleeping,and lack hormones us causing mood swings and rage I never knew was in me plus high levels anxiety.fun it isn't☹️

What does DS’s EHCP say about qualifications?

DD2 sounds like she is making progress with self regulating.

Zoo I have found it’s my memory, patience and ability to coherently string sentences together that the menopause made worse.

Hi can I join?
My dd has been prescribed fluoxetine today. She's 17 and for the past year almost has suffered low mood and suicidal thoughts. She's overdosed numerous times and self harms.
I'm praying the medication makes a difference

Hello @cantthinkofabetterusername I just read your post on the other board - sounds very stressful. This is a friendly and supportive place to offload and chat.

Welcome@cantthinkofabetterusername
I hope flurexotine helps, my DD has also just been prescribed it after setraline didn't have desired effect , so far so good here so I really hopes it helps your DD

cantthinkofabetterusername I am glad you found us and DD has been prescribed medication. Don’t panic if things get worse before they get better, this isn’t unusual.

Thank you all
I'm hoping she doesn't get worse first but we'll see how she goes.
I feel like it's been such a battle to get to this stage

Zoo - it all sounds exhausting. Make sure you take some time for yourself every day.

Cantthink - welcome. Sorry your dd is so unwell. Hopefully the meds will help. My dd recently took an OD. Not sure I cam handle the thought of multiple :(

Dd has managed a day and a half at school this week. She is in bed now. I don't know how much is depression and how much is being a teenager but with the asd I can't pressure her like I would have my older child to get out of bed. I've agreed with the school that if we don't get in for the morning then we stop and then attempt getting in at lunch time. This has taken the pressure off me a little so I don't feel the need to go in every 5 minutes and be encouraging. :/

Hope everyone is coping. Be kind to yourselves.

@TikTokCat thank you, it's been a long hard slog. Multiple trips to a&e, hospital stays, missing episodes the lot. I'm hoping the meds help her it's awful seeing her feel so low.
My younger dd is 14 and is with the eating disorder team for possible anorexia so at the moment every day is bloody hard work.
I've really lots of positive stories about meds so I'm holding onto that for now

That should say read* lots of stories

Hello - please may I join for some handholding and warm sensible advice?

DD15 twins are both self harming, one also has ED and the other has just had major surgery. The SH appears to be linked in both cases to very low self esteem and as a form of self punishment for perceiving to have done something wrong. SH methods seem to have escalated.

I am really struggling to cope with this and how I can support one teenager, let alone two. DH is not their dad and away a lot, EXH is hopeless.

Both have previously had counselling for SH but seem to be reluctant/unable to deploy any of the alternative measures to take when they are feeling low.

Where do I start?

@Mmemeursault Welcome, sorry ot is so very difficult, have two DDs with MH difficulties at the same time must be exhausting.
I wish I had a magic wand for you, be kind to yourself, please try not to blame yourself and try and have and grab small moments to help recharge yourself.
I dont have much experience of self harm, youngest DD did this briefly but thankfully only with finger nails, others here will have more advice.
My eldest had anorexia and eventually I was signed off work with family stress to look after her.
I also was prescribed medication which helped my feel at calmer!
I now have a younger DD age 14 recently diagnosed with ASC after school avoiding and massive panic, anxiety attacks.
For both my DDs medication and removing expectation of school attendance for a few months helped. Adults can be signed off from work with stress/ anxiety and I think our DC sometimes need this too. Although I know the worry of missing education is huge particularly during exam years.
Do you have any extended family support?
Are your DDs getting any help from CAMHS?

Tiktokcat Thats brilliant she has managed some time at school, I think you are right not to push too hard too soon. I fell into this trap numerous times and it always back fired , but its so tempting when you see a glimmer to try and race too far ahead.

DD is going well atm, still going to her weekly art group,tidied her bedroom yesterday!!! ( cannot say how big a deal this is ,you literally couldn't see her floor and it's been that way for 2 years , apart from my small forays which led to meltdowns )
She starts her new outreach program with SS after Easter so that's going to very a real test but I'm feeling quietly hopeful.

Take care everyone ,hope your Sunday is restful.

runner that all sounds very positive lovely.im so pleased for you
Mme welcome.i have no solid experience with selfharm etc but anxiety affects us all and you are very welcome to join us.as runner said do you have any one to turn to(you can't pour from an empty cup)
I currently have 3dc spinning on different MH issues and it is very exhausting and trying to find time for yourself and looking after your own MH may seem laughable but without it something WILL give further down the line

Welcome @Mme.
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I've had two who've self harmed. In both cases it was linked to undiagnosed ADHD which caused depression & anxiety & a feeling of failure.Especially as both attend an especially academic school Counselling helped slightly at times but I think made one feel hopeless, but medication helped the most. Antidepressants + ADHD meds in one case & ADHD meds in the other. We have now restarted the counselling again, now relative stability on the meds has been reached.
I can't imagine how hard it must be for you with twins.

Welcome @mme my dd self harms as shebjust wants the pain to stop. She has asd, anxiety, depression , Ed.

Today I couldn't get dd up to join her emdr call. I logged on to tell the therapist and burst into tears. Not ideal.

I told school she wouldn't be coming in and then she woke up at 1 and asked dh to take her in at 2. Her camhs prescription hasn't turned up so I am chasing that.

Im at a loss for what to do tbh. Tired and tearful

Gosh yes it is exhausting!
Thanks for your wise and friendly words

@Cantonet it's quite possible that there's an element of ADHD / autism in there somewhere for both of them. I am autistic too and we've been pursuing a diagnosis for one of them anyway. They're both quite high achieving and have anxiety around that anyway so perhaps it's a coming together of all those factors in some way

Referrals have today been made by school and us to local MH services and we're going to have to battle the GP surgery for an ED initial appt.

💐

Welcome MmeMeursault. Some practical things; in some areas you can self refer to the ED service. Are DDs receiving any support already? Do you get DLA? Have you had a carer’s assessment and assessments via the disabled children’s team for DDs? Parenting multiples is hard at the best of times, even harder when they have additional needs. Are you managing to look after yourself? You can’t support DD’s if you are running on empty.


cantthinkofabetterusername I hope the medication helps. Once we found the right medication (Mirtazapine and Risperidone) they levelled DS1 out enough for us to avoid a CAMHS inpatient admission but things did deteriorate before they improved.

Tiktok sorry DD didn’t manage EMDR today.

Runner DD’s continued progress is brilliant to hear.

DS1 is going to try adding Trazodone to see whether it helps at nighttime. I am glad DS3 is in bed, he was driving me mad this evening with his constant monologuing.

Morning all hope everyone's okay.
We're on day 6 of medication today, we've had one instance of refusing to take medication but other than that she's taken it.
Not much improvement in her mood but I know it can take a few weeks to have an effect

Hello all, can I (re)join? @MmeMeursault our now 16 year old has been self harming for over 2 years and it's heartbreaking.

Here as I'm feeling increasingly low - like I just can't go on. I know it's not an option and please be assured I'm in no danger but it's a horrid feeling.

CAMHS has finally come through with a structured programme which may last up to a year. 2.5 hrs a week of in person support and a team in place who you can actually reach.

A month in DD tells DH that she doesn't think it's helping. I'm at my wits end as on average we have to visit A&E for medical attention for her about every 3-4 weeks. I get frequent flashbacks to the incidents there have been and am constantly on the edge. DH is beside me and supportive but as burned out as I am.

@ cantthinkofabetterusername ,hang in there it will get better it's good that she's is usually taking it , it took DDs medication 2 months to kick and she had to get through side effects before any improvement, as you said it takes time, good luck
@elltee welcome, I'm sorry you are feeling so low, I think when something we have been fighting for for so long finally happens we can think everything will be so much better. Its early days and will take time, she might be finding it challenging which also might make her resistant, well done for securing such good support through CAMHS though that's no mean feat , I hope she finds it helpful eventually.

We've had mixed day DD managed youth club☺, but SS that has just been agreed to be named on her EHCP now says that can't meet needs specified on her recently received OT report, so if they are included in her ehcp then SS will have to say they can meet need. And breathe.....

ellteewelcome.
Runner that's fab news with youth club.fingers X for school

@1leapforward2back we spoke to GP today and we have a face to face appt later this week for the ED. Lovely GP but sounded clueless about what to actually do ("I suppose we could check her height and weight?" he asked me) so I think I'll be printing info out on ED and taking it in with us.

The local emotional well-being hub service has confirmed that both DDs are now being lined up with counselling to take place in school.

Kooth and Calm Harm were both mentioned for the DDs. One of the had used Kooth before for a short while last year when she started SH but seems to have gone off it and finds it hard to use any of the strategies when she's already in a low state. My feeling is that she just needs to stick at it, but these conversations always happen after the harming, which seems too late.

At work we have access to a helpline for employees to access info and support for a range of issues so I think I may give them a call for myself later.

I'm shattered just getting through each day. I feel like I'm I'm on constant alert to any change in tone or behaviour in the kids and on top of it all we have an autistic 5 year old too.

Kooth and calm halm always get mentioned. Also Shout and childline.
My dd tried texting shout last time she felt bad and waited about 6 hours for a message back. A sign of the demand I guess :(

Young minds have a helpline too.