Parents and carers of anxious kids/teens(part5)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi guys
Just spotted we have filled another thread!
I started part 1 during the journey with my sons escalating anxiety
This thread is a non judgemental place to support each other
As parents and carers we recognise how hard,stressful,and often lonely,this unseen battle can be.others dismissing small wins as the norm for most etc
Please feel free to offload here,share your small wins,take the support and comfort this thread brings

@tiktokcat sending you a virtual hug, it's so hard, I have been in exactly the same place it's so so draining.
The jubilation when they go in, the desperation when they don't, the relief when the school holidays mean you know longer have to try.
None of this is your fault or DDs fault and you are both doing the very best you can.
Would CAMHS or GP support time off school to allow DD to heal?

Thanks runner. I don't know.
Dd wants me to call camhs again but I genuinely don't know what help they can offer tbh.

CAMHS have been absolutely useless here, GP referred 2 years ago, CAMHS turned down referral told us we needed to fill out self referral for ASC diagnosis which we did, lots of form filling and about 6 months later she was accepted onto waiting list for ASC which is approx 2-3 years long. I said great but we need help with anxiety when can she have an appointment and was told that's a different pathway you need to fill out more forms ( which were identical to ASC ones!) go through another triage before being accepted on another waiting list! After 4 months, she was accepted to second waiting list for anxiety, offered an appointment 2 months later and we were told she was too shut down to engage with CBT and there was nothing they could offer her!
We got private ASC diagnosis and following that CAMHS offer 6 x 90 minute online group group therapy which she didn't really engage with but were told we have been given all the tools and just need to keep practicing them.
We also sourced a private psychiatrist who prescribed medication as CAMHS were unwilling to refer her. They finally agreed to refer her to CAMHS psychiatrist about 7 months ago but they can't retain staff and we're still waiting for an appointment...
@tiktokcat trying to remember if DD is on medication? If not ime it's worth pursuing to take edge off depression, also time off school and accepting right now she can't go in might be good for both of you. If you can get a sympathic GP or CAMHS to support this it makes it easier.

She is on sertraline. Seems to have gone downhill although the dose was increased to 100mg about a month ago.

She says she doesn't feel safe and her mind is telling her to take an overdose. I have called camhs and gp, waiting for calls back. Have hidden all the meds

tiktok I am sorry things are so difficult at the moment. I would take DD to A&E, harder to fob you off when you are there in person. Has there ever been a CETR meeting? Has DD never been given (or cooperatively worked out) strategies to get her out of the red (are you using a red/amber/green system or Zones of Regulation?). I agree with Runner re time off school.

Runner we found tier 3 CAMHS useless, but once DS1 was referred on their care swiftly improved.

we were told she was too shut down to engage with CBT and there was nothing they could offer her!

This is rubbish btw, of course there is other support they can offer.

Sorry Runner, my post may not have come across how I intended, the of course wasn’t aimed at you but a CAMHS who often wrongly claim there is nothing they can do.

I've never heard of a cetr, leap. Will take a look.

We had a call with camhs on Friday with the aim of drawing up a care plan. They discussed what to do when in red and how to cone out of it. Dd said 'it's impossible. Noone can do anything, I have to just wait for it to pass'. And the camhs lady moved to another section.

A CETR needs to be held.

CAMHS need to help DD with strategies to prevent DD getting to red and how to get out once there.

Camhs called back. Told me to Sweep her room and remove sharps and meds. Said that as she said she needs to be left alone when in red and not much helps then I just need to keep checking on her :/
If she gets worse to go to A&e. I'm waiting on a gp call back so will see what they say.

Will also look at process for cetr in our county

@Tiktokcat I'm so sorry you're in this position 💜 I've been there too and it's so difficult to know where to turn. One thing we did was to remove all sharps from the kitchen at night, as Ds was cutting & said he didn't feel safe. So we literally had 5 knives we took out & counted in each day. Plus we locked & took away the outside door keys. We also monitored all parcels & their contents and checked his room regularly. As we found a noose in his bathroom when his friends warned the local police he was planning something. Doing something constructive helped us sleep at night.

@TikTokCat
I'm sorry it's so hard
Second others said about time off school for now
Also had not engaging help ends with camhs,sadly we cannot afford private care.back on wait lists and it's frustrating and exhausting
We can't fix everything but we are hear to listen and I know having some one who understands to "talk" to keeps me together at the edges.sending hugs

Thank you both. We are in a&e. Lovely triage nurse who told dd she has been very brave in talking to me and saying how she feels. We have to wait a few hours to see a doc and then it is likely they will admit her to see paed mental health in the morning

Gp referred me back to camhs
Emergency crisis line referred me back to camhs
Camhs told me to remove risks, watch and wait, and take her to a&e if worse.
I don't feel I should wait until she actually acts on it.

Tiktokcat I am glad you are in A&E, I don’t think the response from CAMHS was enough, especially since she asked for help. We found going to A&E when necessary resulted in additional help going forwards, I hope that’s the case for you too. We have meds, sharps and other potential items used for SH locked away and for a very long time DS1 was on within arms reach care 24/7 but DC who are intent on SH will always find a way, DS1 headbangs.

Thanks 1leap. I thought I had taken all the sharps but just found out she SH last week with some tweezers :(

Tiktok the walking on eggshells wondering if you have missed something is horrendously stressful. Is it ok if I PM you some other items CAMHS told me to hide that parents sometimes don’t think of, or that we found out the hard way? I don’t want to post them publicly for fear of someone reading and using them to SH.

Glad you have sought immediate help @TikTokCat.hope it brings the support you both deserve and need.x

That would be great 1leap. Thank you

I hope you are getting some help @Tiktokcat.
I have to go in for a school meeting today to discuss DS's school prospects.
DS is determined to do his Gcse's this year, even having missed so much of the syllabus. I'm not really sure what they're going to say and what I'm going to do with Ds next year. He's not really capable of planning ahead at the moment & I don't think he can envisage attending any other school.

Thanks zoo
Good luck fferny
We are still waiting on camhs to appear.

Tiktokcat I hope you aren’t waiting too much longer for CAMHS and DD is settled.

Fferny good luck with the meeting. If you haven’t already you should apply for an EHCNA.

Thank you @Tiktok & @leap.
@leap is that advisable in preparation for him moving into state funded education? That might be an option for sixth form. At the moment he's in an independent selective school where he was expected to do very well in his Gcse's prior to all this. I'm hoping that we can come to some arrangement today as he wants to carry on with this year & not leave his friends. But I literally can't see him fitting in to any other school around here. There are lots of quirky kids at his school and there's very little judgement, but in tandem there's a shed load of academic pressure.

Fferny it is advisable whether in a state or independent setting.

We have seen camhs and they consider dd too high risk to send home. She will be staying in tonight and they will be looking to get an urgent psychiatrist assessment.

@tiltokcat so pleased hospital are taking it seriously and DD is getting help, must be beyond difficult for you and you must be exhausted. I hope hospital admission helps you access the support DD needs from CAMHS.

DD had a meltdown last night , she said she hates SS we have just successfully appealed for ( tbh it was the only option left in the table I enquired about loads)
And doesn't want to go there and we never listen to her.
Tried to calm her down explain initially its outreach and we can rethink once she feels outreach has supported her and she's ready to go to a school.
I think she's scared but also she said school was very serious and no one chatted or went outside at break just sat in classroom. She's missing her friends but doesn't want to make arrangements to see them. And of course everything is my fault.
Was left reeling a bit ,wondering if after all the stress of appealing was worth it, if we made the right decisions and if I'm just pushing her in a direction she doesn't want to go as I'm just desperate to find a school that can help her access education.