I had a baby 16 months ago and I have had postnatal depression ever since. I have bipolar disorder and so was under the perinatal team during my pregnancy but as soon as he turned one that dropped me with no referral back to my mental health team, so I have now been waiting for help for six months.
I hate my life. I am not a good mum. I am failing my son. I work all the time because my partner doesn’t have a job, and doesn’t seem to be bothered about it, and I feel like I don’t do enough with my baby because of it.
I am dying inside. I am struggling financially despite working all the time, and I don’t have anyone to talk to. Every time I have tried to talk to my mum, she tells me ‘what’s your issue now’ or ‘sort your shit out’. She told me I’m fat and look ill and that I’m failing as a parent.
I want to reach out for help but she tells me they will take my son away from me if I do.
It’s got to the point now where I think he would be better off without me. I live day in and day out with anxiety and am on six different medications for my mental health.
I have nobody to talk to or to listen I can’t talk to my partner because his family don’t like me and they would make out I’m crazy
I’m scared that if I tell someone how I’m feeling my baby will be taken away from me. But I’m no good for him like this