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Paralysing anxiety and stress - don't know what to do :(

76 replies

crazydogmum · 11/04/2021 11:56

Feeling completely overwhelmed by anxiety which I've been struggling with as long as I can remember. I took two days off sick from work last week as I was just stressed and not able to cope with even the most basic of tasks.

So as not to drip feed, my back story is that I've had a very difficult few years. I was in a previous abusive relationship about 10 years ago - he was arrested multiple times and proceeded to harrass me - I had to give up my business as I didn't feel safe working alone. Then a few years ago another long-term relationship I was in went sour when he also became abusive and took his own severe mental health issues out on me - it was a complete nightmare including him making many threats to hurt me and take his own life, culminating with me forcing him to leave. He then started stalking me (he was charged for this) and then took his own life :( to say it's been nothing short of a nightmare would be an understatement. I was doing okay in the last year or so, but in the last few weeks things have started to unravel again.

I have been having panic attacks, flashbacks, palpitations and awful anxiety that I just cannot shake - I am sure the loneliness and pressures of lockdown hasn't helped, but my stressful job has exacerbated it. I'd told my boss a little while ago that I was struggling (and told him a bit about why) but he seems to just assume it was a temporary thing and I am fine now. In the last year I had changed my job as I needed a change, thinking this one would be less pressured - as my stress threshold is much lower than I could once have coped with. However in the last few months I suddenly got promoted and now manage about 10 people (none of whom I've ever met) - I find it incredibly stressful and draining and I just don't have the energy to give to others right now. I feel like I am massively underperforming at work as I can't keep up with everything, and suffer from imposter syndrome, but can't afford to leave. I have no safety net as I am single (and my ex stole a lot of my savings - a whole other story).

I am going out of my mind with stress and cannot cope with the thought of work right now - just getting out of bed, taking a shower and getting through the day in one piece is enough of a challenge, let alone 6ish hours per day of Zoom calls with my team. I just cannot do it anymore. I have nothing to give.

Please, does anyone have any advice? I feel exhausted from the anxiety taking over every aspect of my life. My heart is racing at the thought of work tomorrow and feel like I want to throw up. I can't even concentrate on reading a book or a TV programme as I have a constant panicked, on-edge feeling.

OP posts:
crazydogmum · 26/04/2021 08:16

So I had a chat with my boss last week and it was all fine but it was very obvious that he had not comprehended how serious anxiety could be and the scale of what I am trying to cope with. He was supportive though and just said to keep him updated.

I then had a great chat with my GP (my own one this time, as he wasn't available previously) who was wonderful and spent a lot of time listening to me. He has said I need some proper time away from work and has signed me off for a month. He is also going to arrange some counselling and I have to go to see him in two weeks time.

In the meantime I had a long think about work and discussed it with various family and friends. The upshot is I decided to resign from my role at the end of last week as I just don't enjoy it and it's always been quite stressful. My sick leave will cover my notice period. I know it's not a role I want to do and I am really not suited to that kind of work. My family said they are 100% behind me and will be able to help me financially if need be.

Straight away my HR Manager tried to convince me to stay and said that might be able to find me something else, or maybe I'd consider part time, but I don't see that being much different to be honest. I said I wasn't feeling I could make any big decisions right now but I appreciated their willingness to keep me and left it at that.

Then this morning I was woken at 7.30am by a WhatsApp message on my personal phone from a colleague I've never met and have never even spoken to or crossed paths with saying she'd heard I was resigning, but didn't know why, and wanted to offer a friendly ear if I wanted to talk. She is our "mental health first aider" so someone must have told her something, which I am cross about. And why message me so early in the morning?!! It wasn't even in work hours! I am feeling very under pressure now.

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