Health Anxiety - Part 4

[polkadotpixie]

I hope no-one minds me starting a follow up thread. I know some people were waiting for me to update so I thought I would but happy to ask MNHQ to delete if one of the long term posters wanted to start it 😊

@Skyliner001 great. Although I failed within minutes, poked so much last night that I actually made my hand sore! Really want to do better today.

@onlyreadingneverposting8 I hope your headache got better!

@polkadotpixie that's great news - not that you have endometriosis, but that it's not cancer and you can now get the proper support. You might find the Endometriosis UK website useful.

In a shock to absolutely nobody, I haven't had the urge to check my boobs since my clinic appt! I'm back to worrying about covid as I'm the only adult in my bubble not vaccinated yet and the rest of them are getting more relaxed, going to the shops more etc. It's really pissing me off to be honest, as I feel like they're not giving a shit about the risk to me (and of course if I get it I'll die a horrible lonely death leaving my children motherless!)

@tmh88 😂

@MrsWhites Just letting you know that I am struggling not to poke today, but have managed to sit on my hands so far! I'm with you this weekend, here's hoping we can get to Monday! Imagine all the things we will be able to do if we don't take the time poking X

@Skyliner001 you are doing better than me, I haven’t managed to sit on my hands but I am determined to be better tomorrow.

My problem is accepting the ‘normal for me’ lumpy bits, doubt creeps in and I have to check, checks lead to initial panic when I find the same old areas of lumpiness, eventually after checking for ages I realise that it feels the same, feel calm for a while but then the what if’s start - ‘oh wait did it feel harder’, ‘did I definitely feel the same part’ etc, etc. Rinse and repeat every few days! I mean the part that I focus on the most has been there for 2 years at least, you’d think i’d be reassured by that but no!

We are so similar, I could've written your post! Good luck with the weekend, let's check back in on Monday X

I've convinced myself I've got melanoma because I was scratching a mole yesterday and now it's got a scab on it 🤦🏼‍♀️ I roll my eyes at myself sometimes

Good luck with the no poking ladies! I'm doing well after getting reassurance from the breast clinic.

However, I'm having an anxiety attack as DH has some issues and I'm now convinced he's got advanced prostate cancer. I've taken two propanolol to try and calm down. In reality it's being going on for a couple of years and he's had everything scanned but now it's flared up again and he has some new symptoms so of course my mind goes to worst case scenario. I just feel mentally drained because as soon as one issue is resolved here comes something else for me to worry about. He's going to ring his GP on Monday but I know I'll be up to 100 all weekend and then we'll be back in the waiting game for any tests etc. I could cry.

Hi Ladies

Wow, reading this thread makes me realise that I'm not alone. I've had health anxiety for around 10 years, usually to do with breast cancer! When my HA is high I can check anything up to 30 times a day. I am just in the middle of changing from citalopram to sertraline and the hA is at a all time high. Had to go to see the GP for a breast check so I could try and break the cycle. Worked for a day before I started checking again . She said to me first that her usual instinct is to refer everyone unless she can be sure there is nothing there. She didn't refer me so I guess that's good news although I keep getting the "what if" thoughts. I have recently referred myself for CBT but I'm not sure how long that will take with the pandemic. X

@KAP232 Welcome! Sorry that you find yourself here, but glad that you are finding some kindred spirits in the previous posts! I am Breast obsessed as well, it is my particular area of anxiety, all surrounding breast cancer.

It was triggered particularly by a giant breast cyst, and a visit to the breast clinic. I had lymphoma over 20 years ago, and I think it brought back a lot of feelings from that!

I also worry about anything Gynaecological,currently I'm worried about some spotting, and irregular periods. But breasts and my main concern!

You'll find a lot of people here also worry about lymph-node's, and I worry about them a bit sometimes, but because I've had Lymphoma, I think I worry about it a little bit less than most!

I can't tell you how much your post resonates with me, I can spend an entire day checking, and I'm currently on a no check weekend with @MrsWhites who also struggles with breast health anxiety. Why not join us! We normally check in on Sunday evening or the Monday morning about how we've got on.

X

@Skyliner001 Thank you for your reply and making me not feel like I'm going crazy. I don't think people understand how hard HA is unless you suffer from it. Some days can be so debilitating. No matter how much we don't want to do it we can't help it!

I am definitely up for the no checking challenge. Although I have checked 3 times already this morning so I'll start from now!

Hope you have a good weekend! X

Definitely start from now! Good luck with it, you are definitely not going crazy! Everything that you've said resonates so much like I've said, particularly the checking, and then going back and checking again and again and again. I was saying to Mrs Whites before think how much time we would have if we weren't checking! I find if I let the cycle of checking catch me, then it's really hard to get out of, because I need a specific level of relief from the checks to then move on, and once I've moved on, I can get the urge to check again really quickly. I think it's linked to 0CD. I guess with the no weekend, then just remember nothing can Have changed since you last checked over 48 hours, and don't try and convince yourself that you didn't check properly, because he didn't check properly, because you have health anxiety! That's another thing we struggle with, the worry that we haven't checked something properly! The doctors aren't open till Monday anyway, so you have to tell yourself that even if you did find something, which she wouldn't, you wouldn't be able to go to the doctor anyway! So try to relax and enjoy your weekend, we'll all check in on Monday morning X

Because you did check properly, sorry about the typo! I'm dictating on my phone!

So many typos, but hopefully you get the gist 😬😳

Hi @KAP232 welcome to the group. Like @Skyliner001 said I suffer from breast cancer related anxiety. Mine was triggered when my mum was diagnosed, she’s fine now but since then other members of my family have had various cancers which has kept my HA going.

Skyliner is right that it’s much harder to break the cycle of checks once you have started, that’s why I try to set myself the goal of not checking all weekend. Plus I’m sick of feeling like a crappy mum because I’ve wasted time with my children stressing or secretly checking.

And you are so right about people not understand, they just think we are hypochondriacs. I think HA is far more aligned to OCD and phobia. That’s why this group is so great, everyone on here really understands each other!

I have a massive awareness of my left breast, I mean I worry about both of them, but the left one is slightly bigger, which means I'm kind of more aware of it, and that really stresses me out! And it can try and set up the cycle, doing well this morning though X

Basically I am like if I can feel it there there must be something wrong with it…😬😳🙄

@MrsWhites I hope that I have said this before, but I'm really glad that your mum is okay, totally understandable that set off your anxiety.

@MrsWhites I understand how that would set off your anxiety. Thank god she is ok now. I try to also tell myself that there are lots of people who have BC and recover more so then die from it but it my irrational mind tells me different.

I know what you mean about hiding when checking. Sometimes I'll make any excuse just to go and have a poke. Hide away in the bathroom, bedroom etc.

The doctor told me about a app which distracts you. It's aimed at people that self harm but it give you activities to do. She said if after 15 mins I still feel the urge then go and check but It should pass after 15 mins x

@Skyliner001 thank you. I understand what you mean about an awareness of one breast, happens to me too and I worry that’s it’s my body trying to tell me something!

@KAP232 that app sounds interesting, distraction is definitely key. I find I can’t lie in bed anymore after I wake up. That’s a real trigger for me so I have to get up and find something to do.

That 15 minute thing is really interesting, I think I would definitely agree with that, it's weird though because sometimes I'm left with a bad feeling in my stomach, almost like a negative feeling, because I haven't checked, but I do feel better if I can manage to resist the urge.

I had a hair down my bra, and had to take it out, sorry too much information! And that made me need to check if I could see any dimples on the top of the breast, and then compare both sides, and I was really worried I was going to fall into the cycle, but I think I'm okay, just trying to get over the feeling in my stomach but I haven't checked enough. Hope that makes sense 😊🌈 The urge to check again comes back straight away.

Hi ladies I’m hoping someone can help. I noticed two line on my left breast after having a shower, they are faint but when caught in my bedroom yellowish light they look like they are dents. Could they be stretch marks I haven’t noticed before. They are only visible from certain angles

@Goolies stretch marks are definitely common on the breasts so could be that. Do they change when you lift up your arm? I’ve heard before that dents usually get worse when you lift your arm up x

I have two lines on the outside of both of my breasts, worse on the right than the left, they go when I lift my arm so. I think that they are just from gravity!

Worse on the left than the right even!

@Goolies are they horizontal coming from under your arm pit type of thing? I have those, I think it’s caused by a bit of armpit fat and like @Skyliner001 says gravity. They are more obvious on one breast than the other too.