Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

ADD and ADHD testing for adult females

114 replies

Youngatheart00 · 25/02/2021 09:44

Sorry, I wasn’t sure whether to put this in general health or mental health. Apologies if it is in the wrong place.

I won’t go into heaps of detail but I suspect I may be on the spectrum for ADD of ADHD, if A spectrum is such a thing (rather than yes or no)

The last year of wfh has amplified it. I seem to operate mostly in a worn out fog with brief moments (maybe an hour or so a day) when I’m totally ‘in the zone’ (as I call it) and my productivity and brain power goes into hyperdrive. This can be when presenting to an audience on zoom or working on an important email.

I get so stressed I can’t find the zone a lot of the time and I’m worried that in some meetings I can’t even get my words out as when people ask me questions I struggle to process them and respond quickly without having time to think.

I know senior leadership might start to wonder why I’m so super impressive some of the time (largely when it matters!) and a liability at others.

After a period of being ‘in the zone’ I generally keep a euphoric feeling for a while and take that productivity into scrubbing the bathroom, for eg. But at other times all I can do is lie in bed. It’s like I have to recharge my brain and body

Is there something wrong with me or is this normal?? Does this sound like ADD or ADHD and something that could be treated / managed?

OP posts:
LolaNova · 27/03/2021 17:29

Hi OP! I’m in the same boat. I mentioned it in passing to my HV and she was really encouraging about pursuing a diagnosis but my mental health hasn’t been great lately so I’m not really up to the fight yet.

I’m going to come back and read some of the responses on the thread later as I haven’t got the attention span right now.

Juicyoranges · 27/03/2021 17:42

My 23 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with inattentive ADD. She lurches from barely functioning to highly focussed. She was prescribed ritalin, and now her brain is quieter she has been able to focus on her work, and has also been able to utilise some coping strategies such as developing routines and habits etc.
In hindsight we can both see how it impacted on her as a child, but we all thought that ADHD was all about hyperactivity, rather than the lesser known inattentive.

Juicyoranges · 27/03/2021 17:46

@LolaNova it would be worth pursuing when you feel up to it. We have learnt that ADHD can exacerbate (if not cause) depression and anxiety (if those are your issues - apologies for assuming)
It makes sense to me and DD's mental health has improved a lot since her diagnosis and the medication.

warmleatherette · 28/03/2021 12:01

Can I join? I realised last year that the ADHD symptoms describe me to a 'T', and felt such relief that I wasn't just crap, lazy or stupid. I pushed the GP for an assessment - was initially told that I was too old - kept pushing, had the assessment but the assessment found that I was a 'highly functional 49 year old lady' managing to hold down full-time work and single parenting two children with no help from their father, so they weren't going to pursue the referral any further. No matter that if I am asking for help, things are BAD BAD; I am not the type of person to trouble my GP or reach out for help at the drop of a hat....

Anyway. Cut to WFH and I am not getting by. I cannot make myself work. I cannot make myself do anything boring. Grant applications (I work for a charity). Montoring. Plan or prepare food for the children. (What is planning?) Tidy up. Anything. I'm sure I'm going to be 'found out' soon but normally the hyperfocus kicks in in time for me to stay up all night and squeeze out some work. I'm nearly 50 and a live and work like a student. I want it to end.

Anyway. I will go back and pursue the Psychiatry-UK route. Has anyone here tried the medications for ADHD and have they helped? I have some friends who tried and gave up because they felt it took their creativity away....

warmleatherette · 28/03/2021 12:02

monitoring*, sigh...

Bythemillpond · 28/03/2021 12:11

I’m nearly 50 and a live and work like a student

I am in my 50s and I have a 4 bed detached house that is furnished like a student house.
I have only recently got a bed instead of a mattress on the floor
We are so untidy (I think dc and I and possibly Dh all have adhd) that I hired a cleaner through a cleaning company.
I even paid for an initial deep clean. I went through a cleaner a week who refused to come back.
It isn’t as if we have a lot of ornaments and pictures. It is really sparsely furnished but apparently we wrecked it between cleans and they couldn’t cope. I wouldn’t mind but I was flying around the house tidying everything before the latest cleaner arrived but it wasn’t ever enough to make them come back the next week.

TheHoneyBadger · 28/03/2021 14:03

I'm nearly 50 and a live and work like a student. I want it to end That sounds a bit familiar. I'm 45 and just looking forward to ds being ready and able to be independent so I can go back to living overseas and in a place/lifestyles that fits better with that.

If I take an international job where I'm thinking (I'm a teacher - currently very part time) you have to be full time but they provide your accommodation (and you can't have much stuff becaues you've taken it in a suitcase or two), they pick you up for and drop you off after work, it's normal and very affordable to have a cleaner who may also do some cooking for you but it's cheap and easy to eat out etc. I think it may be a set up in which I can actually cope with full time work because everything around it can be outsourced so I only have the one thing to cope with - work.

Currently work part time, try to run a house and raise a teen and take care of animals with varying degrees of failure/head above water. Ds made a comment yesterday that I'm supposed to be an adult. I immediately defended that yes i'm an adult but I'm knackered after a term at work and adults are allowed to be tired and run down to etc but I don't think I convinced myself.

Found myself comparing to family members with wonderfully clean organised homes and ordered lifestyles sitting down for dinner at the same time each day and the energy to perform modern day Walton's like family life despite being full time.

PuzzledObserver · 28/03/2021 14:15

@warmleatherette - but the assessment found that I was a 'highly functional 49 year old lady' managing to hold down full-time work and single parenting two children with no help from their father, so they weren't going to pursue the referral any further

One of the things which put me off pursuing a diagnosis was reading (can’t remember where) that the diagnosis criteria include that your functioning has to be impaired in more than one area of life. So if you have managed to keep a roof over your head and your family fed and clothed, you can’t have ADHD. No matter that a) it takes you huge amounts of mental effort to do what you do and b) you could achieve so much more if it didn’t take you so much mental effort to do the things you do manage to do.

I’m still worried that when I do get to my assessment that they’ll say No.

warmleatherette · 28/03/2021 15:46

@bythemillpond that's awful! Do you think it was because it was a cleaning company, so the cleaners felt like they could be choosy? I do have a cleaner fortnightly but just hire her directly.

@thehoneybadger "Found myself comparing to family members with wonderfully clean organised homes and ordered lifestyles sitting down for dinner at the same time each day and the energy to perform modern day Walton's like family life despite being full time."

  • yes THIS. How do people actually do it? It was only reading about ADHD that made me think - this stuff is actually EASIER for those people, it's not us being inherently lazy or crap, even though that's how I've felt my whole life.

@puzzledobserver - "the diagnosis criteria include that your functioning has to be impaired in more than one area of life. So if you have managed to keep a roof over your head and your family fed and clothed, you can’t have ADHD."

The line of questioning made me feel like unless I was lying in the street suckling from a vodka bottle while beating the DC with one hand and mopping up my tears with an eviction notice with the other, i wasn't deserving of assistance.

I just feel sad looking back at my life and wondering whether things could have been different if I had been diagnosed earlier (or at all).

Does anyone else suspect that a few of their friends also have it? I tend to gravitate towards people who will tolerate my mess and lateness and often they are those who are messy, chaotic and late themselves....

TheHoneyBadger · 28/03/2021 16:41

No. I seem to attract quite domesticated friends Grin I used to pay for my friend and I's gym membership and at one stage instead of give me her £25 each month she'd come round and deep clean the kitchen. I think when the gyms reopen I'll see if she's still up for that. Interestingly when I told her I thought I might have adhd she was just like yeah, I could see that and told me about a friend she grew up with who was diagnosed with it as an adult and they all went ahhh yeah obviously! looking back at her growing up once they knew.

I've moved around a lot and travelled and don't have that many friends in one place itms - people I care about and are friends are spread out all over the place. I think my dad may have it - I use to think maybe he's on the autistic spectrum or just damned rude but now I watch him and even after chemotherapy he couldn't bear to be still and had to be up doing stuff and he is incapable of letting you speak without talking over you or flagrantly getting up and walking off when in you're in the middle of explaining something.

Bythemillpond · 28/03/2021 16:55

One of the things which put me off pursuing a diagnosis was reading (can’t remember where) that the diagnosis criteria include that your functioning has to be impaired in more than one area of life. So if you have managed to keep a roof over your head and your family fed and clothed, you can’t have ADHD. No matter that a) it takes you huge amounts of mental effort to do what you do and b) you could achieve so much more if it didn’t take you so much mental effort to do the things you do manage to do

For me personally I can’t hold down a job in order to keep a roof over my head.
I married Dh so I wouldn’t have to otherwise I am sure left to my own devices I would be dead by now after years of living on the streets.
I have worked jobs when I was younger but after 10 months I was so depressed that I couldn’t get out of bed. I have worked here and there in jobs but none that last more than 6 weeks (4 of them were because I had to work my notice period) most are a day or 2. I haven’t had a f/t job since the 80s

We were laughing filling out Dds assessment forms as it asked something about sticking to a routine at home.
What routine?

My dc say I was never like other mothers I was more like part of their gang.

I think ADHD has affected the whole of my life.
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I could focus on just one thing and hold down a job. My mind is bouncing from one thing to the next and I can’t even follow simple instructions as more than a few words and my brain is bored and switches on to something else

PuzzledObserver · 28/03/2021 17:51

@warmleatherette unless I was lying in the street suckling from a vodka bottle while beating the DC with one hand and mopping up my tears with an eviction notice with the other

This paragraph made me snort my tea. This is an example of ADHD people being very creative!!

So, do you still not have a diagnosis, then?

Part of me thinks that even if I get one, I won't actively pursue treatment as such, more continue to learn about the condition and myself and find strategies which help me.

I'm not particularly sad when I think about what I've missed.... but maybe I'm just not allowing to think too much about what might have been.

I was academically bright and initially aspired to great things... but discovered that management was not for me. So this forced me sideways into roles which require expertise but not as much responsibility. That's fine, because I can't handle the responsibility and the pressure which comes with it, it makes me ill (as in, depressed). But maybe, had I been diagnosed and medicated, I would have been able to cope.

I've managed a stable and reasonably contented second marriage... but maybe if I'd been better at relationships the first one would never have finished, or maybe I'd have had better judgement and never gone into it. And maybe if I didn't have such problems with binge eating, I would never have become as obese as I am, with the undeniable impact that has had on my health and some of the things I have been able to do.

Anyhow... regret is pointless, the important thing is what happens from here on in. I am taking early retirement. I envisage it as freedom to do all the things I enjoy doing without those pesky demands of work getting in the way. I hope I'm right.

PuzzledObserver · 28/03/2021 17:54

@Bythemillpond your story makes clear that ADHD affects people in different ways and to varying degrees. If it was a straight choice between offering treatment and support to me or you, they should choose you. Are you receiving treatment and support?

PuzzledObserver · 28/03/2021 17:57

BTW, am I the only one who has completely lost track of the OP and her question?

TheHoneyBadger · 28/03/2021 18:12

I know it sounds easy said but I think there needs to be self acceptance and conditions as a part of that self rather than some anomaly that has taken that self off track itms?

I've had a lot of adventures caused by impulsivity and poor risk assessment - some have had dark twists and turns in places but definitely adventures.

I'm not sure I'd trade for having had a very stable, straightforward but less 'interesting' and varied life.

Whether adhd or depression or character traits I don't deep down think it's abnormal not to get on with and fit in well with modern living and pressures. Sure sometimes I envy people seeming to find things easier but I admit I've also sometimes looked at people's lives and thought god how mindless and boring and pointless and how do they manage to be satisfied.

I don't know - this is possibly rose tinted but I am who I am. I guess I'd like to have the medication option and if it was helpful to use it for periods in my life where I felt the need or was really struggling and had to get it on track and push through 'reality' stuff but I don't think I'd want to take it all the time every day. If I was trying to get treatment I wouldn't say that obviously and I'd just collect the meds every month as if I was taking them all the time.

When I was younger I always felt like if I could just figure out what was 'wrong' with me I would feel better, excused for being different or finding life hard etc. Now I don't feel the need to be excused or to need justification for being me and finding life as I find it.

Even if someone gets a dx they're still them and it's part of them not some thing that now it's been discovered can be cut out or medicated out of existence.

Not sure what I'm saying really except to beware of holy grail thinking as it can lead to big disappointments.

TheHoneyBadger · 28/03/2021 18:21

I've also stopped justifying the fact that I can only work very part time. I used to be embarrassed about it and feel I had to justify myself. It sucks. I owned property once but lost it after I had ds and a recession and a perfect storm of events.

For sure I think god I wish I owned a house in the UK and I look at the prices and my income and it seems like short of a lottery win it's not going to happen. I sometimes try to convince myself I could take a full time post and earn enough for a mortgage and I'd only have to last it out for a year or two (because I could afford to pay a mortgage on much lower income - I pay crazy amounts in rent - but need to be on a high income to actually get the mortgage in the first place despite having cobbled together a decent deposit).

Honestly though I can imagine burning out in a month and being unemployable because of it and having given up a safe part time role that I was actually managing.

If I stay in the here and now I'm ok - if I think too far ahead then I panic and get overwhelmed. As awful as this sounds I've had periods of my son's life that have been like, it's ok, you've only got to make it through another x amount of years and then he'll be independent and you top yourself or live in a room on benefits or take up a drug habit or whatever. Most often the top myself thought.

I think, as a previous poster said about her husband, if I hadn't had my son aged 31 I don't know where I'd be or whether I'd have made it to my mid 40's. That's less rose tinted Wink

SidSparrow · 28/03/2021 18:22

Do any of you have slightly compulsive traits?

I used to chew my hair, now I pick the skin off my lips.

And also, I'm not messy but my whole day is about trying to keep the house clean and tidy because my brain can't handle it if it is messy, it's only when the house is completely tidy that I can 'relax'. Even then it isn't quite relaxing, but it's better than being a whirlwind.

TheHoneyBadger · 28/03/2021 18:27

I have mental compulsions I guess. I think my mind is quiet then I realise I have, for example, been mentally making as many different words out of a word that's come into my head on a loop for a while. Hard to explain but unfortunately my restlessness doesn't channel into productive housework just weird thought loops.

DIshedUp · 28/03/2021 18:55

I have come onto this thread as I suspect I have ADHD. A lot of what everyone is saying resonates with me. I've thought it for a while, and the more I read the more it explains me. I've spent my whole life wondering whats wrong with me, and never being able to peice it together and ADHD accounts for everything

Whats worrying me about seeking a diagnosis is thatI am able to hold down a good job. But its a very practical, social job, lots of my colleagues actually have ADHD. I struggle with the admin/organisation side and it is impacting where I can head with the job, and I think if it was a computer based job or a written job I wouldn't be able to do it.

I can hold down a house but again it is DP sorting the bills and paying the rent, reminding me to transfer money. My cleaning goes from a completely manic period to disarray. Dp is doing a lot of the daily tasks.

I think my parents would say I didn't. But also most commonly described me as lazy with school work, when I wasn't being any I just couldn't focus. Also described me as messy, disorganised, a daydreamer. But I did well academically, my boss told me he thought I had ADHD though

Equally I feel like I am desperately trying to hold back a tide of chaos all the time. I feel like my brain is too fast and I cant hold it down. I can concentrate for about 2 minutes, then I'll just lose myself and come back and be like "yeah I got that' and rush into a task even though I absolutely didn't get it. The only way I can concentrate on something is if I am simultaneously fidgeting, playing a game, googling various things etc.

Bythemillpond · 28/03/2021 19:25

PuzzledObserver

I am in the middle of getting an assessment.

It has affected every part of my life.
I even missed exams because my head was elsewhere and I misread the times

I look at my mother and see now that she is more than likely ADHD. Even my grandfather would walk out of jobs
No one in my family worked for more than a few days for anyone else. We just had a series of businesses and ad hoc jobs.

winched · 30/03/2021 00:49

@warmleatherette Anyway. I will go back and pursue the Psychiatry-UK route. Has anyone here tried the medications for ADHD and have they helped? I have some friends who tried and gave up because they felt it took their creativity away....

Psych UK were fantastic for me. I also realised during lockdown how much my "masked togetherness" was because of the forced structure of my pre-covid life. Things weren't an option, so I did them. They just Had To Be Done. But the moment things became even slightly optional in my warped brain, all bets were off.

I should have noticed this earlier because during pregnancy when things became "optional" in my brain, I just didn't do them. I started my maternity leave at 20 weeks etc, phoned in sick for a bit of morning sickness etc.

During lockdown everything seemed to become optional. Feeding my children at set times, same with bedtime. Washing clothes, tidying the house, getting us out for walks. Completing my work each day. None of that happened. Don't even get me started on homeschooling, I didn't do a bit of it. Even getting them to school, when the schools opened in August, because why do I have to do that when there's a pandemic and it wasn't safe last week? And I'm not even scared of covid or someone who wanted schools to close, that's how warped my thinking becomes to make things "optional".

Reading that, I sound like a deadbeat parent, don't I? I'm honestly not, though. I'm intelligent, worked in a professional job for ten years, run my own business now, have a nice home etc. It's ridiculous. I can't even describe how much I masked my symptoms before. The only things that were different than NTs for me was the fact that coffee sends me to sleep / calms me down rather than ramps me up, I was a bit chaotic and very forgetful of things like appointments, and I could never fall asleep until 3 or 4am. Oh and my mind always seemed to work faster / connect dots that other people couldn't see. But other than those things I was a pretty functional single parent.

What I can say though is medication has really helped me. I take Elvanse everyday. Since I started I am managing to get my work done, get the kids to school (I've even started doing packed lunches!!!). The washing basket is empty, and the house is clean and all freshly decorated. I'm going out for walks daily, and looking after myself. Showering and brushing my teeth no longer feel like exposing myself to The Plague. The only thing I struggle with is dinner, because Elvanse kills your appetite and makes the thought of food really unappealing, so I have to set an alarm and make sure I have easy meals in for them.

The other thing I have really noticed the meds helping with is my emotional dysregulation. I used to get so irritated if the kids were too loud, or speaking at the same time. Or if they weren't listening. Or even moving too much (WTF?!) I used to wonder if I had split personality disorder because I could be absolutely raging with them one minute, and then 2 minutes later come through and ask them if they want to make popcorn and watch a movie. Probably confused the hell out of them Sad

I've been the same way in romantic relationships too. My whole life I've either been absolutely obsessed with a partner, or absolutely nonchalant about them. There is barely any "normal" with me. The first sign of trouble and I'd either lose my head completely or just switch off and turn into the ice queen. I recently started dating and I'm just.... fine with it all? There is no massively overthinking why he hasn't text back, or planning our relationship 5 years into the future, or feeling unhealthily in love with him. It's very strange to think this is how "normal" people regulate their emotions, and I'm still getting used to it 😂 sometimes I think I miss a bit of my "intenseness"... and also my spontaneous nature, but the benefits are outweighing the negatives so far.

PuzzledObserver · 30/03/2021 09:38

@winched your description with Elvanse makes me really want to try it. I'm a binge eater - I fit the criteria for Binge Eating Disorder, although I can and do have periods of more sensible eating.

A couple of years ago I started on a weekly injection for my diabetes, and that has loss of appetite as a side effect. It had quite a strong effect on me - but eventually the effect reduced. My weight is still bobbing around in tandem with my bingeing, but it's never got all the way back to where it was. It would be great to have something which both helped me be more organised, AND reduced my binge eating.

I have had periods of real focus on healthy eating and regular exercise - hyperfocus anyone? But eventually I lose the habit again. Maybe if I was medicated, it would be easier to do it on the days when it wasn't utterly fascinating and the best thing ever.

TheHoneyBadger · 30/03/2021 10:35

Yes that is a pretty encouraging post. Makes me reconsider my reluctance to go ahead with dx.

winched · 30/03/2021 10:39

@PuzzledObserver your end point is so relatable! Part of how I managed to successfully mask for all those years was by all these various hyper-focuses.

It creates this facade that "winched is a person who runs everyday!" And "winched is a person who knits baby blankets!" And "winched is a person with so much discipline because she painted, papered, and DIY'd a whole room overnight!" And "winched is so good with money because she uses YNAB!"

But I can't do all of those things at the same time. If I'm obsessed with saving money that fortnight, my house is falling apart and I look like shit. If I'm obsessed with "princessing" ala those MN threads about plucking your eyebrows and always having perfect nail polish, my spending is completely out of control.

Same with health kicks, although I guess I've been quite "lucky" in that my ADHD made me constantly forget about food, so I've never been overweight.

I read recently that they are successfully using Vyvanse in the US to treat Binge Eating Disorder. It's also pretty clear how there could be a link between the two things. According to Russel Berkley, ADHD, at it's core, is the inability to stop and think about consequences and for any consequences you DO think about to make you change your course of action. We know spending £400 on X will have consequences, we just don't care because it'll be fine. I can see how that same attitude transfers to food. It's the inability to regulate our feelings and actions.

I'm just trying to piece together what posts are yours but this earlier:

One of the things which put me off pursuing a diagnosis was reading (can’t remember where) that the diagnosis criteria include that your functioning has to be impaired in more than one area of life. So if you have managed to keep a roof over your head and your family fed and clothed, you can’t have ADHD.

This is correct, they look for two areas. But try to think of all the little things that add up to a detrimental effect on an area of life. For example, friendships. Do you have many friends? I lost any friends that weren't due to circumstances (i.e workplace, children's friends parents) a long time ago. That's an "area of life". Same with hobbies, which I think you touched on in your previous post.

If you take a look at this, this is what the psychiatrist uses to "mark" you when you do your assessment and interview. It's basically the answers to the test 😆. I found it really helpful -- not so I could cheat, because really what is the point in that, but more as a memory jogger. I found some things that I thought were just "me" and discovered they were the ADHD. There's also the widely held belief that the diagnostic criteria (and understanding of the condition, in general) is still based on hyper little white boys and not grown adult females, so there is an element of having to play inside the rules created by the system. A good example of this is the entire hyperactivity part. It's accepted by the leading expert that in adults, the fidgeting ants in your pantsness is mostly gone for most people. But it manifests in other ways... such as a hyperactive mind, biting nails or picking skin or constantly running your fingers through your hair, and also the feeling of not wanting to sit still in life (constantly reinventing yourself or taking on new hobbies and hyper-focuses). Taking risks with sexual partners, life decisions, jobs, haircuts, safety, you name it, is all more related to the hyperactive subtype than the inattentive subtype. I have done all of those things in the past, but still could only manage to get the primarily inattentive diagnosis. Which is fine, the treatment is the same, but it shows you how the system is still slightly skewed, so it's good to be aware of it before going in.

www.advancedassessments.co.uk/resources/ADHD-Screening-Test-Adult.pdf

Bythemillpond · 30/03/2021 11:15

I thought I (and the rest of my family) were the only ones that caffeine had no effect on

Always drank a cup before going to bed. It wasn’t until I shared a flat did people question that drinking a cup of coffee wasn’t a good idea at 11pm at night.