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Original poster

I nearly stabbed my child. Fucking hell.

46 replies

Struggling1992 · 20/02/2021 18:29

I’m having some kind of mental health crisis. I’m dissociating. I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DS came up behind me and bit me whilst I was chopping up his tea and I didn’t even notice that I still had the knife in my hand when I was trying to get him off. It’s only because FH noticed that I didn’t accidentally stab him. DH shouted at me as well he should have. How could I be so fucking stupid and inattentive? I had a panic attack. I want to hurt myself. I’m clearly not coping. What the fuck is wrong with me?!?

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 18:32

Ok, you need some support and help. Your dh needs to call the out of hours GP or crisis team to get you an assessment and support
Are you under a MH team t present?
Have there been any triggers or significant events that have caused you to be stressed
You need an assessment and plan to manage this

MissMarpleDarling · 20/02/2021 18:33

Admitting theres something wrong is taking the first step, well done op. Contact your Doctor and tell them you are not coping at the moment they should offer help and support. We all feel like we can't cope at some point, I know I have in the past X

AnnLouiseB · 20/02/2021 18:34

You need medical support OP. If you are dissociating you need to contact mental health services urgently. NHS24 can make a referral; you can call them yourself or your husband can call on your behalf.

You’re going to be ok, but you need treatment.

Original poster
Struggling1992 · 20/02/2021 18:34

Just under the GP. Been on low dose sertraline for almost a year but have been really well. All of a sudden have gone off the deep end in the last few days.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 18:35

You need to call out of hours gp or crisis team,get some support and. Meds review

PatchworkElmer · 20/02/2021 18:35

Get yourself urgent help OP.

Cyw2018 · 20/02/2021 18:36

Can you stay with family tonight until you've accessed some help. It will take the pressure off you as you must be extremely anxious about anything else happening and will give you a break from family life in lockdown.

TokyoSushi · 20/02/2021 18:36

I'd agree that you should ask your DH to call the crisis number to get you some help. If you're not sure what it is you can just Google 'name of town mental health crisis' and it'll se you off in the right direction.

I hope that you're feeling much better very soon Flowers

Original poster
Struggling1992 · 20/02/2021 18:38

DS is in bed asleep so I don’t want to uproot him. Feeding the baby now, I’m holding it together. I just feel weird. Emotionally hung over?

OP posts:
Fembot123 · 20/02/2021 18:39

How scary for you OP, echo what others have said and I hope you feel better soon.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 18:41

Get your dh to call gp and crisis team,get an assessment and support
With support and an assessment you’ll be able to discuss what’s happening
You must be feeling overwhelmed and scared

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 20/02/2021 18:41

Get help. Don't sit there thinking about doing it. You need urgent help if you're disassociating and almost stabbing your child.

UmbilicusProfundus · 20/02/2021 18:47

Maybe I am reading this wrong? It sounds like an almost accident that happened when you were a bit distracted and not thinking. Obviously it’s very upsetting for you, in the context of your mental health not being good at the moment. But it’s not the same as being in a dissociative state and stabbing someone.

Try to be forgiving of yourself and speak to your gp. You can usually refer yourself to talking therapies.

As I say, I may be reading this wrong from limited info posted so far.

ItsSnowJokes · 20/02/2021 18:55

@UmbilicusProfundus

Maybe I am reading this wrong? It sounds like an almost accident that happened when you were a bit distracted and not thinking. Obviously it’s very upsetting for you, in the context of your mental health not being good at the moment. But it’s not the same as being in a dissociative state and stabbing someone.

Try to be forgiving of yourself and speak to your gp. You can usually refer yourself to talking therapies.

As I say, I may be reading this wrong from limited info posted so far.

This is how I have read it as well. Just a sort of lapsed moment without thinking that the knife was in your hand.
SplendidSuns1000 · 20/02/2021 18:58

You say you have a baby- how old are they? Could this possibly be Post natal psychosis? Please do seek support tonight, at least call the out of hours GP or even 111. Can your DH stay home with the children if you need to go anywhere?

Please make sure your DH knows how you're feeling and allow him to support you.

Thisisaterribleplay · 20/02/2021 19:00

Agree with recent PPs. It was an unfortunate accident. What worries me is you saying you want to hurt yourself. To me, that constitutes an emergency.

Weirdfan · 20/02/2021 19:02

I'm reading it the same way UmbilicusProfundus, more that OP endangered DS through inattention than any kind of attack. That said you still need the crisis team OP, just make sure that you and DH are clear about what happened, you don't need anyone getting the idea you attacked DS when you didn't.

Suzi888 · 20/02/2021 19:03

Similar happened to me today (kind of) DD threw ball at me, I flicked it away but had a cup of hot tea in my hand. Luckily not boiling hot and it only went over me and the floor. Could have been worse though. You take medication so I’d probably give 111 a call tomorrow and see what they say, better to be safe than sorry. Take care OP.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 19:04

No suzi,not like you. You aren’t describing a mental health crisis

TooManyMiles · 20/02/2021 19:07

You reacted on a primal level to what your instinct thought was an attack from behind and you did not take time to think. You may be very tired/sleep deprived (as you say you have a baby) and that is the sort of thing that can happen. Please do see if someone can help you step back, rest, have something to eat.

You must be feeling extremely upset but take this as a warning, not of how awful you are, but that this is all too much right now.

How old was your child that bit? Perhaps wanting attention from mummy?
I agree overall with Umbilical.

danni0509 · 20/02/2021 19:12

Yes I too read this as an accident, you didn’t purposely think ‘little shit just bit me’ and stab towards him with the knife. You tried to get him off whilst you still had the knife in your hand which was a silly thing to do but more automatic reaction than intentional.

I think your making it out to be worse than it is by overthinking it.

You do sound like you need some support ASAP though especially saying you feel like hurting yourself.

I hope you’re ok Flowers

Suzi888 · 20/02/2021 19:14

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee - thanks for that

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 19:15

I think people need to stop minimising and tippy toeing around a MH crisis
She has self harm ideation
Feels dissociative
Reports feeling want to hurt myself.I’m clearly not coping.

museumum · 20/02/2021 19:18

Your son came up behind you and BIT YOU?
Are you living in quite a chaotic situation? It sounds like an environment that would not help if you’re suffering with poor mh. Is home very stressful? Are you often bitten?

Puzzledtenant · 20/02/2021 19:21

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

I think people need to stop minimising and tippy toeing around a MH crisis She has self harm ideation Feels dissociative Reports feeling want to hurt myself.I’m clearly not coping.
I think OP needs a moment to get it clear for herself what is going on for her. OP, do you want to hurt yourself because you've felt like that before or because of the, perfectly natural, horror of 'what if' that we all have when we've had a close shave?

Do you feel dissociative at other times, at times when you would normally be at full attention - things like prepping dinner are easy for your mind to wander, what about other times in the day? Do you feel you aren't coping in other areas?