I nearly stabbed my child. Fucking hell.

[Struggling1992]

I’m having some kind of mental health crisis. I’m dissociating. I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DS came up behind me and bit me whilst I was chopping up his tea and I didn’t even notice that I still had the knife in my hand when I was trying to get him off. It’s only because FH noticed that I didn’t accidentally stab him. DH shouted at me as well he should have. How could I be so fucking stupid and inattentive? I had a panic attack. I want to hurt myself. I’m clearly not coping. What the fuck is wrong with me?!?

Your kids are allowed at school due to your mh get them.to school Monday x

Do you have Mind charity or similar near you? Xx

You've had some really good advice already. I would add that of you feel you could harm yourself or someone else then go to A&E tonight. There's always a duty psychiatrist. They will be helpful and sympathetic to your situation and work out what's happening to you right now.

I've been through similar with my DS' having a MH crisis and I wouldn't hesitate to go to A&E with him again if he was feeling how you just described.

Good luck and try to get urgent support tonight.

OP, if you feel you need emergency help either get yourself to A&E or call 999 immediately.

Tell your DH how you feel at the moment and let them help you.

www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

I also read it as an accident. Not saying what you're feeling is okay though as it's clearly not okay to want to hurt yourself! But that it was a moment of not thinking clearly you didn't intentionally do it

You DIDN'T nearly stab your child.

You were hurt whilst preparing food and, due to being unwell, couldn't react calmly.

Get help. Definitely get urgent help. But you DIDN'T nearly stab him.

Psych liaison may be relocated to another location because of covid,not necessarily accessed via A&E
Best to google it see how to access psychiatric liaison

First of all, despite everything you seem quite self aware which is excellent. You know yourself the state of your mind when this was happening so the posters minimising it (while with good intentions and meaning to comfort you) really don't understand. Reach out to your GP and hopefully you can also be very open with your DH till you get some evaluation and support. You may feel a little better and clearer after the fright but if not, it's simply unwell was that needs dealt with.

@UmbilicusProfundus

Maybe I am reading this wrong? It sounds like an almost accident that happened when you were a bit distracted and not thinking. Obviously it’s very upsetting for you, in the context of your mental health not being good at the moment. But it’s not the same as being in a dissociative state and stabbing someone.

Try to be forgiving of yourself and speak to your gp. You can usually refer yourself to talking therapies.

As I say, I may be reading this wrong from limited info posted so far.

This sounds accurate to me, OP.

You still need and support some help here, from professionals.

@Suzi888

Similar happened to me today (kind of) DD threw ball at me, I flicked it away but had a cup of hot tea in my hand. Luckily not boiling hot and it only went over me and the floor. Could have been worse though. You take medication so I’d probably give 111 a call tomorrow and see what they say, better to be safe than sorry. Take care OP.

That's nothing at all like what the OP is describing.

OP I would call the crisis team if you have access to their support or the out of hours GP if you don't and explain what has happened.

And ignore Suzie888.

It doesn't sound as if you had any intent to harm your child, but were startled and reacted in a way that is bringing home to you how fragile your mental health is now. Tell your DH that you need him to take charge of the children, so you can focus on yourself. If you feel like hurting yourself and these thoughts are more than one off and fleeting you need to talk to someone about whether this is a suicidal feeling or whether you are contemplating self harm as a way of trying to cope with emotions that feel overwhelming. You are honestly going to be fine. You could ring your GP surgery and ask for a call back from whoever provides your weekend GP service, I think they would triage you over the phone and tell you what to do next. In the meantime focus on the present, feed the baby; wash dishes etc. You are doing really well. 💐

If you call 111 and press option 2 and then I think it's option 2 again it puts you through to your local mh crisis team or equivalent, it isn't publicised enough, you can either call yourself or they are more than happy to have a call from a third party. I agree it doesn't sound like you had any intention to harm your child but you are clearly suffering and need professional support urgently.

How old is your baby Post Natal Psychosis could be a possiblity.

I think you need to seek urgent care

But I also agree it sounds chaotic - he came up and bit you and your DH shouted at you - how did that happen?

Op you need urgent help in real life. Please call your mental health team, or your go of you could go to a and e if you think you might hurt yourself or anyone else.

Take some breaths OP.
In for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4.
Repeat.

Put all the children safe in their rooms. Call someone you trust.

Most psychiatric liaison has relocated away from a&e because of covid,check online what is the location in your area

Ok what happened with the knife was an accident. Nothing happened. It's fine.

You need urgent help. Is your DH looking after you. Does he do that. I would say that you need to go to bed, he needs to look after the kids. And then he needs to call around for urgent help for you in the morning.

It wasn't a deliberate thing. The morning will be better.

Unless your DH is not helpful in which case a different approach may be required.

How are you op. Are you ok xxx

Hi Struggling1992,

We're sorry to hear what a hard time you're having please do feel free to contact the Samaritans, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, if you are really struggling it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links which may be useful:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

I'm so confused. Bit of a fuck up in forgetting about the knife, admittedly odd but not quite sure why it's that bad. I'm obviously a bit lacking in imagination.

@Ohnomoreno having a knife in your hand while getting angry or upset or surprised is not typically bad, as you say. You're not lacking in imagination but clearly (and thankfully) have no experience if the feelings and confusion and fear of loss of control like the OP is going through. That's absolutely not to say she nearly or would have done something. But the issue is how she felt at the time and how she's feeling now rather than necessarily any worry about what might have happened.

OP should not be feeling like this if she is well. And she needs professional support (as many of us do at some point in our lifetimes).