Please HELP So Confused! I Have no idea what's going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gina1981]

This is my last resort - There must be someone out there that can help me!

Haven't been feeling myself for a long time now and have been through 1 hell of a year. Thinking it's some sort of mental health issue, i came here to find out if i could find any answers. TBH i'm very confused with all these abreveasions that everyone is using and don't really understand much.

I'm a mother of 2 and have never suffered with any mental illness in my life until last year when i had my 2nd dd. I was very confused anxious at the time and my doctor put it down to PND. I was put on AD's and within a couple of hours i reacted very badly with them that i ended up in hospital the next morning from having a panic attack put didn't know this at the time as i had never experienced anything like that before.

I was then given more drugs, diazpan and sleeping pills with a different type of AD. I then became like a zombie and was unable to look after my 2 dd. Within 2-3 weeks i had experienced many unpleasant attacks to the point i didn't even remember anything until i had someone crush my chest to bring me round. I honestly thought i was being possessed.

It got to the point where i turned to my family and cried for help - i really was consedering sucide. I then saw a wonderful Consultant at the Priory and he ended my awful nightmare. He took me off all medication and i was back to my old self again and told me that i was suffering from rare side effects from the cocktail of drugs that i was given and that i was never depressed in the first place. He suggested that i may have been suffering from anxiety.

The last year has been tuff with DD2 not feeding well (doc's put it down to reflux) and went through a series of investigation.

DD2 is 1 now and still hardly eats or drinks. But i can't cope with this as it's impossible to feed her and very stressful. I don't get any help from my partner and at my wits end - i'm over weight, my friends have practically dissapeared off the face off the earth and all i seem to do is shout at everyone and am always miserable. Awful things run through my mind, that i'm too embarressed and ashamed to say. I admit that i am very unhappy with every aspect of my life and no matter how hard i try to change things i fail over and over again.

It's nothing like what i went though last year but thinking now am i depressed or suffering from something? Is there anyone out there that can help me or give me some advice.

I hope she's ok.....atleast she'll see we've been on here this evening and thinking about her.

HI ladies - Wow you all really know how to make a woman cry. I'm so overwhelmed by all your nice words and support. It's funny how you feel so alone one minute and so loved the next. You have all put a big smile on my face.

yay! good to see you back & glad it's helped.
xxx
keep us posted

Thought i would post something brief first just to let you all know that i'm ok!

MALO - i know exactly how you feel - i've told my partner that until i lose alot of weight only then i will get married. We were planning to get married in 2006 but Aug 2005 i was diagnoised with Ulcerative Colitis, PCOS and mild endometriosis all at once and was told that if i wanted anymore children that the time to have them would be asap. So we prosponed getting married and started trying as soon as i was in remission with the UC! I then underwent a breast operation in Sept 2005 and was told i needed to wait a while to recover before starting for a baby! Took a few months to fall pregnant and when it did i then suffered with hyperemersis for 6 months of the pregnancy and then DD2 decidied to come early! Since having DD2 i have put on a huge amount of weight and am very down about it as once upon a time i was a size 10/12! Your lucky that you have dh that is suportive - my partner isn't that supportive at all! I feel that i'm such a big burdon to him and unfortunately his priorities aren't in the right order!

I'm still so overwhelmed and want to comment on what everyone as written. I really appreciate everything and the time that everyone has spent supporting me - never thought i could find anyone that felt remotely the same.

Constance you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel ashamed and am so embarrassed about the way i feel and dread to think what others must think. I just don't want to make a fuss and waste peoples time. When i've attempted to talk to people in the past be it either friends or family - i always get the feeling that they all have better things to do with there time than to listen to me rambling on about rubbish that has no relevance to them or that i have to reasons to feel the way i do. Believe you me i wish i didn't!

Sorry i didn't post earlier but decided to get out of the house today and get some fresh air - glad i did as i felt alot better when i was out and not staring at my four walls.

Spink thanks for the links have had a look at them and will give them a call tomorrow! Only live 10 minutes from Kingston!

I really have lost all faith in my GP surgery not only did they let me down they let my DD2 down too. When i took her to the doc about her not feeding when she was 2 months, i was sent away with "it's all in your head there isn't anything wrong with your baby"! It wasn't until she was 5 months old that she was diagnoised with reflux. I couldn't believe that a GP couldn't recongnise the signs of reflux. It's so common nower days!

I did request counselling and was told that it wasn't available to me! Again being made feel like i was wasting there time! I'm going to ring my council tomorrow too to find out about self referral.

Your absolutely right ladies this place is an amazing place - i don't think i've ever let so much out in one night! The flood gates are well and truely open now there really isn't anything stopping me now!

Lucy thank you for the advice - i only opted to go private last year as no one knew what the hell was going on with me. I was either going to be sectioned or had to pay for treatment. It got so bad towards the end that i don't remember half the things that happened to me. Even when my partner and I talk about the traumatic event i can't believe what he tells me. It sounds like something from a horror film! There is no way i could go back to the priory.

Lauren i live in Ewell too - where abouts are you? Will email you - pampering sounds great - where abouts are your salons? You couldn't make me look 18 again? I'm only 26 but look about 100!

I use to live in Worcester Park Sparkybabe only moved 2 years ago! Would love to talk you never know i might be some help to you! Mind you, you will probably tell me to bugger off after 15 mins!

Hi Gina, just read this thread. It's been a while since i was on mumsnetbut have recieved amazingsupport in the past. Im glad to see this has happened for you too. Just a small comment. I agree with others here re god counselling/therapy. Getting a handle on anxiety and all its hideous ramifications can be life changing!. This journey is worth the effort. Remeber it should be about you taking charge not being 'done to' so prepare yourself for that. I wish you well. Go girl.
xxx

hi gina how are you today? Whereabouts did you live in WP? We moved about 10 years ago, used to live up at the top end (south north cheam!) and ds1 went to cheam common infants. We go back there occasionally (DH lived there for 30 years) and can't believe how much it's changed since we left.

Hi Gina...glad everyone who has replied to you has helped and you feel able to 'talk' on here and open up. It does help to open up as much as you can - weight off your shoulders and all that.

This site is a great way to keep in touch - you just let your fingers loose on that keyboard of yours and everyone here will listen.....xxxxxx

Hi Gina

Just wanted to say that it is so important to remember that you DESERVE help and support. Repeat that to yourself whenever you feel as if you are fussing etc. You aren't. Honestly.

(I don't know if it helps, but I got over that worry in the end by remembering that even if I WAS boring them and wasting their time it didn't matter and wasn't fatal!!!! Just think about all the times other people really have been boring in your opinion. What did you do to them??? Nothing other than give them a passing thought, then move on........)

Hope those statements don't contradict each other too much.

Gina...how are you? x

Gina, as far as weight goes I think you have to give yourself a break. Its such a small part of who you are, there is so much more to you than the size of clothes you wear. And really, after such a crappy year the worst thing you've done is gain some weight then you really ought to be congratulating yourself.

However....if you want some help with the weightloss thing... I was a size 22 and had pcos. Did some research and found that a low carb diet is really helpful if you have pcos, something to do with stablizing insulin levels... and I have gone down, slowly, to a 16-18 in 2 years. I could've done it quicker but Id've sickened myself and just gained it all back. If you want any advice or literature recommenations just say the word x

Hi Gina, how are you doing today?

Evening everyone - sorry i haven't posted in the last day or 2 but have been very busy!

Yesterday i found out that i am suffering with Sleep Paralysis. Which is quite a relief as i thought i was being possessed!

Today and yesterday haven't been that bad, probably because i haven't had time to think about anything depressing as i've been so busy! Getting out and meeting with friends today was great!

Trebuchet thanks for the advice - i have tried many diets the last one being the Cambridge diet. Unfortunately made my Ulcerative Colitis flare up so had to stop it immediately!

I've struggled with my weight for many years now and am pretty fed up of trying to lose weight. If only i could just wake up 5 stone lighter! I'm not really bothered too much about size, it's how it makes me feel. My back hurts, i get out of breath easily, my skin doesn't know whether it's stretching or shrinking and generally feeling sluggish! I think this has a major factor to someones mental health and in this case my mental health.

I'm glad that you've got a diagnosis. Even if its a bit scary at least you know its real and you are not going doolally!

As you are so sick of dieting I would personally recommend not doing it. Just focus on being happy and well, diets are contributing to you feeling miserable and ill!

When you start feeling better about yourself you could start making small changes.

The main ones that helped me were swapping to dark chocolate-I just can't eat as much! Instead of rice and naan bread have 1 chapati, and get used to having loads of bolognaise and parmesan but no spaghetti. I ate normally the rest of the time and in the first month I lost half a stone. Just by doing those small things. Its the white carbs that I am convinced made me so moody and always starving.

And really try and be a bit selfish about looking after yourself. Imagine how you'd treat a friend who's had the year you've had, and apply it to yourself.

Water...drink lots of it.....it helps your skin, fills you up and I'm guilty of the fact I tend to ignore water and yet it is so important to you not only physically but mentally too.

I know how you feel Gina about being overweight - I'm the same - yet I don't eat junk - but I've always been big apart from when I met dh and got married but then I hardly ate and was a mad squash player!

Being overweight plays a big part in anyone's life - whether it be physically and mentally. If I manage to lose some weight it puts on me this great high and I could go and hug everyone. Then when I put some weight back on I find myself in the depths of being miserable - I snap at everyone and won't even look in a mirror.

I'm such a busy Mum - running here and there and I may not eat until midday because I simply don't find the time and then later in the evening I can be ravenous - in fact the evenings are my worst time of day - I have a dh who can eat his way through the fridge and not put an ounce on.

Its a vicious circle actually - if you are overweight you eat to feel better....I know someone who is extremely overweight and she lives off choc, crisps, takeaways etc etc - yet she is happy, an absolute laugh to be with and yet I know, deep down, she's not that happy after all.

I used to weigh 19.5stone - I went down to 11stone when I met my dh and then gradually I put some of it back on. I'm now a size 20/22 - I have tried and tried to lose the weight and it doesn't want to budge - I walk 3 miles a day (school runs) and it won't shift and I don't dawdle - I do a brisk walk - my poor kids are often seen being dragged along!

Gina, I have just returned from holiday and I'm trying to catch up with all thats been happening at mumsnet in the last week. I just wanted to say hi and welcome and send you a really big hug, life must be really hard when you have so much to deal with and not many people to talk to - I've been there and it can feel like hell. IMO joining mumsnet is a good first step, it took me sometime to post on 'the feeling depressed boards' but now I'm so glad I found that courage, people have been fantastic and very helpful.

I have tried to read everybodies posts and agree with their advice especially with regards to the GP.

I can sympathise with you on one level I have numerous mental and physical illnesses (including PCOS) and take 10 different medications a day including AD'S so know that zombie feeling well. I also have weight issues I'm between a size 22 and 24 but I have totally changed my outlook on my size with help from a charity called TOAST - The Obesity Awareness and Solutions Trust toast-uk.org.uk They are not a weight loss organisation like Weight Watchers etc they do offer healthy eating advice but not diet plans, they help people look at reasons why they overeat so tackling the underlying cause, they have their own message boards and a fantastic helpline, the people who work there are passionate about what they do and non-judgemental. My own self-confidence and self-esteem were non-existent when I first contacted TOAST and I had a social phobia now I work as a voulnteer with TOAST doing things I never thought I could achieve. Their approach doesn't work for everyone but the website is worth a look.

I'm not try to sell TOAST in anyway, as I said to a colleague I would be happy if I can help one person as much as they helped me and Gina I would really like to help if I can.

I have to go out now to my niece's birthday party but will try and look in later - take care

Well that was a very long post .

Hi morgansauntie. x

Malo Hi, Just got in from the party I couldn't take the pace anymore it was for a six year old .

I have been posting on the Support/Chat thread for Panic Attacks etc but some of Gina's posts really hit home so I thought I would just share some of my experiences. Sadly there is still a stigma attached to mental health issues and overweight people do not fair much better. My dad was just trying to describe a dept in a local hospital to a group of people and he said 'you know down by the nutty bit' I said 'I go to the nutty bit'!

I just wanted to add that TOAST hasn't solved my problems far from it but has equipped me with the tools to make them more manageable if that makes sense.

Oh yes, kids parties - aren't they a scream??!!! Literally speaking....!!!

I always come away from kids parties feeling thoroughly exhausted with the most amazing headache and it takes me the following day to recover!

xx

Trebuchet took your advice today and cut out at least 90% of carbs out of my diet today. To be honest with you i don't really eat that much to begin with! My biggest problem is that i don't drink enough full stop.

The sleep paralysis isn't really a diagnoises for my mental state, just an added problem to all my other problems. Have been suffering with this for the past 7 months now and hadn't had a clue what was going on!

Hi morgansauntie nice to meet you. Thanks for all the lovely kind words and advice. Will have a look at the website tomorrow - going to bed now as i have had a very busy day today and thought i would post before i go to bed! Have been on the go since 7am, so haven't really had time to feel depressed!

Anyway better go - about to fall asleep, speak to you all tomorrow x

night gina and speak tomorrow! x

Hi Gina, Just to forwarn you, you may feel shitty for a couple of days as you de-carb but a week max and you should be fine.

Also it sounds like you don't eat enough. I've a mate like that who's bigger than me and literally rarely eats during the day than has a bowl of pasta and a bag of pick n mix at 9pm. I stuff my boat all day long and it drives her insane. I must have about 4 bowls of veg soup between meals! You can be overweight and still be malnourished if your not eating enough of the things your body needs, like protein and veg etc. So get scoffing!!!!

Hi Gina...how are you? x