Come and say hi and feel less alone

[abitfunny]

Thought I would start a thread for those of us currently struggling with anxiety/depression/OCD & the many other forms of mental illness during yet another lockdown. Just to say HI, and let’s chat.

I’ve suffered with my mental health since the birth of my son three years ago. Am currently pregnant with #2 and over the last couple of weeks it’s reared it’s ugly head once again. Main issues are obsessive intrusive thoughts, overwhelming anxiety and now to add to the mix, suicidal thoughts. Not sure if they’re a new theme relating to my OCD or I’m just depressed and my mind is tired.

Have had to recommence sertraline which I successfully weaned myself off during the summer, but would rather get it early than end up very unwell after the birth of our next baby. Also meditating every morning, and speaking to close family. Don’t really feel like any of it is helping at the mo, but we’ll see.

So yes, that’s me in a nutshell. Would be nice to speak to others on here who know how I feel!

Hi, just put a post on the mental health to ask for advice. I feel so desperate at the moment, plucked up the courage to go to the docs this morning and have been out on meds for the first time but am so nervous to start.

I just feel like such a faliure as a mum as I'm always getting frustrated with my DC due to my issues and anxiety bubbles over and out of my control.

I haven't left my village for the last four weeks. dH job still takes him all over for about 70 hours a week. We are now in tier three and I just feel so alone.

Thanks for posting OP, I was recently diagnosed with complex PTSD and can definitely relate. I've suffered with anxiety on and off since my teens and it's got a shed load worse since I became a mum 6 years ago.

I also have obsessive panicky thoughts and images a lot of the time. I'm on Sertraline and I've recently started Mirtazapine in addition. I've started counselling to look at the underlying issues rather than just trying to manage the symptoms.

I was coming on here to see if anyone else had CPTSD but it doesn't really matter what label you give it. Feeling like this sucks so it'd be great to have somewhere where you can feel a little bit less alone.

@AnxiousPixie I didn't see your other post but I hope you got some advice. I have a 6 year old daughter and with my anxiety and lockdown I have been bubbling over too.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing you're best x

*your (sorry, hate that 😂)

Hello everyone, thanks for starting the thread! Can relate – about 2 months ago plunged into a depression and since then have been anxious and obsessing over the same negative things again and again, suicidal ideation, etc. For the most part the only person I spend time with or even speak to at the mo is DP and feeling very isolated. Struggling to see a proper light at the end of the tunnel right now, although logically telling myself that things will pick up when corona starts to resolve.

Was on AD for years and managed finally (and with lots of perseverance) to wean myself off them, so reluctant now to go back in them again (although would not discourage others – they really helped get my life on track as a young adult).

It’s so difficult for people at the mo and am aware that lots of people are struggling with stuff – sending a friendly wave to all!

Hi @SweetCruciferous ✋🏻 your troubles are welcome here.

I mainly only see DH at the moment as well. It's become so normal that I hadn't really thought about how that might be affecting me/us 🙄

I've never managed to come off AD's (it's the dream 😂) but I've accepted they are the best option for me right now. I've also had an assessment with a functional medicine dr and she's suggesting I have a blood test to check my thyroid. It was a timely reminder that feeling depressed/anxious is a stress response which you can get stuck in.

Hi all! I’ve had anxiety since my dad died very suddenly nearly 3 years ago. I was never hugely confident before that anyway & have always suspected I’m on the autism spectrum. Since lockdown my anxiety has really spiralled - I work in a high pressure environment & there was an expectation I’d work all the hours of the day. I’m also studying so it’s all been too much. I have an 8 year old dd who has never slept through the night (night terrors initially, but just doesn’t seem to need much sleep)& me and my dp take turns co-sleeping with her - so I have pretty much 8 years of sleep deprivation too. All came to a head recently & my GP prescribed me citalopram. I’m 2 weeks in and have had very few side effects but it’s too soon to see if it’s working yet. Sorry for the essay!

@emma6776 I'm so sorry about your Dad and with everything else I'm not surprised you're feeling anxious. Hopefully you'll start to feel the benefit of the citalopram soon. Is this your first time on anti-depressants?

Hi @Bluebell1418 I can relate to OCD type thoughts, it's scary to feel so anxious and to doubt yourself to that degree. It sounds like relationship anxiety although I'm no expert. I've read a bit about it in Sheryl Paul's 'wisdom of anxiety' book which I recommend. I'm currently doing a course of hers online - 'breaking free from anxiety'.

Hi @Bluebell1418 you are not alone in having to battle these type of thoughts 😔 I hope the book is helping, I think she might even do a course specifically for relationship anxiety. To be honest, I say course but what it really constitutes is an email you get every day! The one I'm doing does involve a group meeting each week which I've benefited a lot from.

You're right about the nature of the OCD thoughts. I've been in a much better place with managing them than I am now. I'm experiencing a lot of physical anxiety right now. It's good to hear from someone else who understands 🙌🏻

I'm so grateful to have mumsnet as a safe place to say how I feel. It really helps sometimes to just type it out. Brilliant to get advice and support or just know you're being heard in someway, so Hi everyone who is just needing to let it all out. We are all here for each other

Hi 🙋‍♀️ mum of two and have battled PND for almost 2 years plus an already established anxiety disorder. I’m finding this period so much harder this time round. Going out places and travelling was always a big trigger of my anxiety but I tried to do as much as I could previously, now we never go out and the thought of going anywhere apart from the local shops and nursery run just feels overwhelming.

Lost my job in March and managed to get a part time work from home job, back on furlough but really worry that I’ll be asked to start going into an office once things start to return to normal and there is no way I can.

I miss my in laws coming up, it was such a help to know I would get a break every couple of months, it’s what kept me going and being a good mum - and I feel that’s been taken away from me.

Feel like this pandemic is going to leave so many MH issues for so many, all the steps forward I’d taken over the last 2 years seem to have been undone

Much love to you all

Hi again all. Welcome to those who have joined! Hope you managed some decent sleep last night.

I’ve been adapting to the sertraline this week hence not being on here much. No particularly bad side effects but heightened anxiety for sure and horrendous intrusive thoughts. Seems it’s common? I’m currently reading a book called The Happiness Trap. It is amazing!

Nice to hear from you again @abitfunny and others

I'm on 150mg and have also been put on Mirtazapine 30mg

I find myself getting much more anxious later in the day/early evening

Oh and PMS has been awful this month, anyone else's anxiety worse at their time of the month? Horrendous combo 😩

Hi all. I'm on amytriptiline, diazepam and propranolol for anxiety and depression. Been on the amytriptiline for 2 years now.

Basically always had anxiety. Ex husband said he was leaving me, I didn't care about his mental health etc. My friend was instrumental in it.

Since September just gone when I found out they had been sleeping together (yep all through covid) I'm now on the other two

Honestly I feel so close to the edge now it's unbelievable. I'm so tired. Got three kids who he sees twice a week. I get a break but I just don't know anymore. Starting therapy on Thursday. Dreading it. Same day as ow birthday of course.

Can I join in? I have slumped into a massive mental health depression. I found out on Monday I am getting made redundant. I adored my job, I was good at it (and had the awards to back that up!) and the hours were perfect for me. Since Monday I haven't eaten a single thing and yesterday realised I was suffering from the start of severe dehydration as I had only had 1 glass of water in 3 days. I have been suffering all year with lockdowns etc... but not like this week. The news on Monday has made me feel worthless, a failure to provide for my family and in my messed up head not eating has been a way of punishing myself for all the failure I saw. Now I can't go back to eating as in my head that's saying I have failed at something else. I know its messed up, I know its not really like that, but my head just won't let me fail another time.

Earlier in the week I was starting to take an overdose and my daughter called out in the middle of the night and it made me snap out of it. I am not suicidal now, but I just can't get my head to say you are not a failure. I am embarrassed, humiliated and distraught about my job. Out of 50 people 7 of us were got rid of, I feel unfairly and that they have used covid as an excuse to get rid of us (new ceo has done a complete restructure under the guise of covid).

Sorry for rambling. xxx

I would also like to speak. I have suffered from anxiety pretty much all my life, and been on and off antidepressants since I was 14. I stopped taking them again early this year and was doing sort of okay, even during the first lockdown and being furloughed. The weather helped, I was taking walks and enjoying the spring and early summer.

But something has shifted since September or so, and gradually the anxiety has got worse and worse. When the second lockdown hit I felt utter despair. I am working from home and it's really not good for me- I am anxious about things I never worried about before, and sometimes I feel I would rather die than live in this torment. I feel paranoid and doubt my own sanity. I convince myself about things and worry about worse case scenarios until I feel I'm going to vomit.

I really don't want to go back on pills but I have signed up to online CBT to see if that will help me. I don't have many people to talk to either - I have tried to talk to a friend but they tell me to just 'enjoy life and snap out of it'. As if it's that easy!

@ramblingsonthego you have described me three years ago. I was knocked for six when I was made redundant, and also punished myself by not eating. I was one of two people made redundant, out of a possible 20. It was a truly terrible time for me and I think I'll always feel insecure in jobs as a result. Redundancy is a horrible thing to happen because it turns your world upside own and there's nothing you can do about it.

That being said, the feelings I felt at the time about it (upset, anger, worthless, the unfairness of it all) have numbed over time. It probably took around 8-12 months for this to happen, but it did, and I never thought it would. You WILL get another job, and it's likely you will eventually look back at your old job and realise you are much happier in the present day than you were back then. One thing you need to remember is it's roles that are made redundant, not people. And unfortunately due to covid, you are one of many going through this and no one is going to think badly of you being made redundant, especially during this awful pandemic. Be kind to yourself.

Can I join. I've just had an occ health assessment and been diagnosed with severe anxiety. It's knocked me for 6. Though I knew I was quite unwell. I am shaking and disabled by invasive thoughts daily now. I'm signed off work 😢

@Dreamingofsunnydays1 the weather has a lot to answer for, spring and summer we spent in the garden, kids could play and I did a lot of growing veg from seed. Gave me a real purpose. Like you my anxiety has been growing since the end of September. We’ve had what feels like non stop rain and with no where indoors to go and no gardening to occupy me I’m struggling.

Working in the hospitality industry this is usually a crazy busy time and it helps to pass the time but I feel a little bit lost without that hustle. Been furloughed from my new job which I just count myself lucky to have.

I love my kids but I so need a break, that sounds awful especially at this time of the year but I feel like I am just existing and just making it to the end of each day.

You are all doing the best you can ❤️ It’s hard as well that no support groups can run as they are a lifeline and meeting up with anyone isn’t really possible at the moment 😢