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Original poster

Come and say hi and feel less alone

68 replies

abitfunny · 30/11/2020 16:20

Thought I would start a thread for those of us currently struggling with anxiety/depression/OCD & the many other forms of mental illness during yet another lockdown. Just to say HI, and let’s chat.

I’ve suffered with my mental health since the birth of my son three years ago. Am currently pregnant with #2 and over the last couple of weeks it’s reared it’s ugly head once again. Main issues are obsessive intrusive thoughts, overwhelming anxiety and now to add to the mix, suicidal thoughts. Not sure if they’re a new theme relating to my OCD or I’m just depressed and my mind is tired.

Have had to recommence sertraline which I successfully weaned myself off during the summer, but would rather get it early than end up very unwell after the birth of our next baby. Also meditating every morning, and speaking to close family. Don’t really feel like any of it is helping at the mo, but we’ll see.

So yes, that’s me in a nutshell. Would be nice to speak to others on here who know how I feel!

OP posts:
Original poster
abitfunny · 06/12/2020 16:37

I’m sorry to hear you’re all struggling too. Nice for us to know we’re not alone though? Some solidarity. We can get through even if it’s just one day at a time. @ramblingsonthego sounds like you’ve had a real rough go of it re being made redundant. It’s rubbish & I think anyone else in your situation would feel let down and be tempted to look within themselves, but it IS NOT your fault. Do you have any hobbies in particular that bring you happiness or a break from being in your head? I’m finding baking to be a real source of escapism, nice when my son wants to join in too. As PP said please be kind to yourself and keep talking on here x

OP posts:
ramblingsonthego · 06/12/2020 18:12

Thank you to those that have listened. It is good to know I'm not alone, it really does help. I do sit here feeling a failure that others seem to be able to cope and be more resilient but this year has broken me and then the final straw of losing my job sent me over the edge.

I did manage to get out today with my husband and youngest daughter (eldest is at work) and it was good, although I am struggling now with the sensory overload of being out and about. And it being freezing cold. My husband got me to eat a small amount but it has gone straight through me (sorry tmi!) But I know that will happen until I am eating properly again.

I'm here for all of you. We can get through this together.

rainbowninja · 06/12/2020 22:30

Good to hear from you @ramblingsonthego

Well done for managing to eat something and you're right we will get through this together a step at a time.

Theodoreb · 07/12/2020 05:15

Can I join even though I'm schizoaffective and mostly suffer up episodes and paranoia?

This lockdown is really effecting me I'm not able to burn of the manic energy as easily I would normally swim 60 lengths a day go out for meals lots and go to the pub once a week and go on many small holidays to thrill seeking areas like Alton towers and Disney, but I am unable to do any of these things so struggling quite a bit.

Also struggling with anxiety I was placed on the shielding list for respiratory disease and was admitted to hospital a few weeks ago for cellulitis abscess from bad teeth which doctors told me I got as I have a weak immune system so I'm absolutely petrified right now with all that's going on in the world, I'm all my kids have and I'm worried they are going to lose me.

Bellag79 · 07/12/2020 05:54

Can I join? I have BPD and have very recently been through quite a traumatic time. I am really struggling at the moment.

rainbowninja · 07/12/2020 23:12

@Theodoreb of course, you are so welcome no matter what you are experiencing. The pandemic has made our struggles that much worse. I hope things get easier for you.

rainbowninja · 07/12/2020 23:15

@Bellag79 welcome, sorry to hear you've had tough times of late. Me too, currently waiting for sleeping pill to kick in 🙄 Feel free to share here x

Dreamingofsunnydays1 · 07/12/2020 23:40

In finding it hard to get to sleep tonight, my mind just can't switch off. I do have some over the counter antihistamines that are effective as a sleeping pill but I'm trying to avoid that as it makes me so groggy in the morning

Theodoreb · 09/12/2020 06:13

Really struggling with the school run right now feel so bad that I struggle with this but with one dc with asd and another with suspected adhd it's honestly a nightmare getting them to school the older one has adhd but he has free taxis to a special school and isn't any trouble,

teaandcustardcreamsx · 09/12/2020 18:19

Hi, can I join? I have depression and anxiety, have recently had a traumatic time. Currently struggling with college and WFH right now Sad

rainbowninja · 10/12/2020 07:23

Hope everyone that has posted on here is doing ok. This year has nearly finished me off 🙈 I'm holding on to the small periods of time I do feel ok and hoping they expand!

DreadFull · 10/12/2020 07:36

Hi all,
Thanks OP for starting this thread. I feel totally broken this year, been suffering severe depression and anxiety this past year. Sertraline and CBT have helped me get on top of things, but that feeling of being lonely just won't go away. My long term relationship has suffered and I'm just going through the motions really, my life has no purpose and I often feel like I wouldn't care if I died.

I have been keeping myself busy with craft projects just to stop the intrusive thoughts.
Mornings are really the worst time.

It feels horribly self indulgent just writing this. I hate being all woe is me when I have a nice life.

Original poster
abitfunny · 10/12/2020 10:00

@DreadFull Welcome welcome. I can totally relate to everything you've said. My MH has also taken a hit this year, and what with being pregnant with #2 it's all gone a bit bonkers. Am also taking sertraline and start therapy again soon. Can I recommend a book, it's called The Happiness Trap. Have only been reading it a week but it makes so much sense. A lot of it is about intrusive thinking and accepting the negative stuff as well as the good. Honestly, the more we push them away the more they increase. Do you work? Or have children? Sending love x

OP posts:
Original poster
abitfunny · 10/12/2020 10:02

@Dreamingofsunnydays1*@Theodoreb @teaandcustardcreamsx* @rainbowninja - sending love to you all today. We can get through. Lately I've been doing ten deep breaths, in for four and out for eight, when I feel overwhelmed and only focus on that. It seems to help!

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/12/2020 10:19

Could l join?

So fucking sick of anxiety and depression. All my life. I’m now 56. As I’ve got older I’ve got harder and harder to treat as side effects of the (many!) medications I’ve had have become unmanageable.

As the NHS has been slow due to Covid, I’ve ended up paying to see a private pyschiatrist. It’s the best money I’ve ever spent😭. Feel a bit more hopeful for the first time in years🙏

I saw an amazing mental health worker at my GP’s every 2 weeks. He was a star. But he’s so overloaded with Covid associated mental health issues l can only see him every 6 weeks. He says it’s terrible. The government should be putting more into mental health at the moment. But Boris🤡 is in charge (sort of) so no hope there!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/12/2020 10:20

Dreadfull did you lose a parent at an early age?

NowImmeagain · 10/12/2020 10:23

Can I join in too? I've suffered with depression and anxiety for many years, I think since my early twenties, now mid fifties. In a way lockdown hasn't affected me that much, I don't have many friends and don't go out much. I've moved around such a lot over the years, I don't know many people nearby, except one friend I made recently and my mum. Only have youngest dd with me, the others are adults and don't live nearby, so haven't seen them for over a year. Youngest dd is home from uni because of depression and anxiety and I'm so worried about her.

My anxiety mainly centres around illness and driving, depression means I've often no motivation to do anything, including going out. I haven't worked for five years and really miss seeing other people at work, but I know I couldn't leave the house every day to turn up for a job, so I'm trying to find a job working from home.

I'm trying to keep my days normal, not lying in bed all day, which is so tempting when it's cold and heating the house is so expensive. I'm knitting a lot at the moment, hats and gloves because it stops me obsessively checking things on my phone. I'm trying to read instead of wasting time on Facebook etc.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I've downloaded a sample to my kindle to try. Can I also recommend a book, Depressive Illness: The Curse Of The Strong by Tim Cantopher.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/12/2020 10:24

I’ve read so many many books. None of them help....

NowImmeagain · 10/12/2020 10:32

No they can't cure depression, that's true. What I liked about Tim Cantopher 's book was it just explains depression and how its nothing to be ashamed of really. Not a self help book as such I think. I also like Matt Haigs books.

DreadFull · 10/12/2020 10:46

Thanks for the welcome @abitfunny

I don't work, I've started selling some of my makes recently which has been a huge step. I really struggle with fear of failing and not being good enough.
I have 4 children, 2 grown up and 2 younger, my 2nd child has his own mental health problems which I struggle to deal with.

I'll look up the book. CBT helped me deal with the negative thoughts but lately I'm struggling to put that into action. You're right though, not dealing with them really doesn't help.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow no, I haven't lost a parent.

I hope everyone has an ok day :)

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/12/2020 10:52

Loneliness is often related to early childhood loss, that’s why l asked.

DreadFull · 10/12/2020 10:54

@NowImmeagain
I can really relate to a lot of what you're saying. I also have a teen struggling with their own mental health problems.
I have to stop myself retreating to bed because I know it won't help. I've been crocheting endless socks and blankets while binge watching tv. I rarely leave the house since covid, mostly due to there be no social activities. I have a few close friends, but none that live locally. I really miss being able to meet up with them, but feel really blessed that they check up on me regularly as I am crap at contacting them!

DreadFull · 10/12/2020 10:57

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
That's really interesting. I've felt lonely my whole life. I'm a very insular person and find it quite difficult to connect with others.

Pinkypie86 · 10/12/2020 11:02

Is there anyone here? I have been struggling for what seems like forever - I am desperate to get help. I ended up in hospital last night, the mental health team were good but, I'm not sure how quickly things move.

My thoughts, lies, intrusive thoughts, pathetic life have all come to a head and now I am lost. I have nobody either, absolutely nobody.

Theodoreb · 10/12/2020 11:39

@Pinkypie86 I'm here well done for reaching out to mental health team for help