Does it ever get better ?

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

I’ve name changed for this.
I’m suffering from PND. I have been told I have it. I have a beautiful 5 week old, a loving devoting husband , a lovely house, a large family , friends, I have a job that I love and lovely colleagues . I have everything i could ever want, which makes me feel worse because I am utterly sad. A deep deep sadness. I see nothing but darkness. I am so low. And on top of that I feel incredibly anxious and I am tired, beyond belief . I suffered with depression throughout pregnancy and was refused help as I wasn’t at the time , suicidal. I was told it would pass. Well now I’m 5 weeks PP and I feel worse. Most nights I am suicidal, I was close a few weeks back.
I have awful thoughts and I just don’t know what to do. I’d never harm anyone else, but I have thoughts about me.
The doctor offered me sertraline but warned me it would make me feel worse for the first two weeks and I hand on heart know that if I were to feel worse , I wouldn’t make it two weeks.
I’ve had CBT before and it didn’t help.
I am so tired of pretending I’m doing ok. I have a small handful of friends who I could comfortably talk to but don’t want to burden them.
Please, does it get better ?

Hi,

Just here to say that I’m currently four weeks postnatal and feel exactly the same, I’m desperately low and anxious. It’s my second baby and I was admitted to a mother and baby unit with my first baby and it saved my life. Could you speak to your doctor and ask if there are any local to you? So sorry you’re going through this as well - it’s such a cruel illness xxxx

The answer to your question and the thing keeping me going right now is, YES it gets MUCH better. As I say, I was so unwell with first DD, when psychiatrist told me I’d be better one day, I actually hated him. I got better and my toddler is now my whole world (even though she’s a pain in the arse) xxx

I'm so so sorry you are both going through this. I didn't suffer from full PND so I'm not going to try and compare my feelings to yours, but please do continue to seek help.
It honestly does get better, but appreciate that this point in time it seems such an impossible situation.
Someone with much more experience and qualifications will no doubt be along soon, but please keep talking xxx

Can you start medication and have someone with you for the first couple of weeks. for support. It's really important you get some help.

Yes yes yes! Absolutely it gets better.

I'm sorry you are feeling so awful. Ask the doctor about alternative meds. If you have to stop breastfeeding to take them, then that's fine, your baby needs a happy mother most of all. If that's not possible for some reason, talk to your doctor about something like amitriptyline - it can help you sleep, so if you're having trouble sleeping causing tiredness that can help.

Get as much help as you can, you are suicidal so stuff the Covid rules, though still take precautions. Buy in help if necessary and if you can afford to. Your DH needs to handle the nights for a bit, even if he's working. I was too ill for other reasons and DH had to do all the night duty. I found breastfeeding made me feel worse, but that would vary by person.

If you/DH have Employee Support at work, you should be able to access counselling on that, but really you need to get meds and fix the chemical imbalance which is causing this.

Call Samaritans if you are considering suicide, at any time, just to talk to them until your DH gets home or the feeling improves.

It does get better.

I'm so sorry, yes it gets better, it may not feel like it now, but it will!

I was on citalopram for almost a year and it helped me so much, I didn't see DS as a burden anymore. I mean, I loved him, but it was with a heavy heart of responsibility and work. I couldn't look forward to anything and didn't see the point of doing anything other than just getting through each day.

Please see about medication, but at the same time reach out to someone for help and make sure they know what the first 2 weeks may bring.

And when I say "it gets better" I don't mean it just becomes bearable. It gets properly better, joyful, fun, happy.

I felt very similar to you but my baby is now 7 months old and I feel a lot better/mostly recovered. I didn’t take anti depressants in the end although I sometimes think I should have but I did have cbt; I’d had cbt in the past but this time I used it quite differently to just focus on the little things to help each day feel better and over time I started having more good days than bad days. My main advice is to take each day at a time and if that’s too much then take each half day or each hour at a time and try to eat well and sleep when you can. I didn’t really talk to anyone at first but when I did talk to my close friends I realised some of them had been through similar but hidden it well.
Also give yourself a break; having a baby is so completely life changing and we’re doing it during a pandemic which adds another layer of difficulty and anxiety.

100% I promise, promise, promise you it will get better.

I had sertraline and I felt a lot better very quickly. I was referred to a psychatrist who prescribed me low dose diazepam to get me through until the sertraline kicked in. Not everyone gets bad side effects or feels worse when first taking them. I also had a CPN who visited me daily at first as DH had gone back to work.

I couldn't imagine feeling better at first but i did and I am fine. I had no pnd after second pregnancy but wobbled during third and went back on ad's for a bit.

Im so sorry you are going through this. It is hell. Do you have good RL support. Keep talking,hm hang in there. Sending you all the love.

Also, please do talk to people. I think even voicing how you are feeling is a weight removed from you. PND is such a hidden thing and it is so isolating. I've found that if I talk about my experiences so many of the women I know can relate - there is no shame in this and you don't have to hide it, or feel like a burden.

DH used to say he'd know if I was feeling bad as I would be constantly apologising to him.

I think you should go to a mother and baby unit.

You will feel so much better. You will.

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. You are exhausted and your hormones are all over the place. I hope your partner is supporting you and I am sure your friends will want to help if you share what is happening with then. Medication can massively help , perhaps you could go the Dr with your husband so he can listen to what support you'll need in the first few weeks. It will get better.

Speak to your GP and HV, you really do need to take the meds. Can you sleep when you try or are you on edge and manic?
I cannot emphasis just how important it is to seek help.
This isn’t about what you have, it’s about how you feel, PND is a chemical imbalance in the brain, caused in part at least by hormonal changes, this isn’t something you can control.
Don’t wait to struggle through another night, if you fee suicidal go to A&E with your baby and husband
Please seek help

Thank you everyone . What lovely supportive comments . I’m just at the point where I think everyone would be better off without me. I’m a burden , and I feel like I’ll never be able to be the best mum for my daughter . My health visitor says she’s perfect and that I’ve done an amazing job so far . I’m breast feeding and despite having an emergency section , I’ve taken to it really well and she’s already 10lb 1oz after being born 8lb 5 weeks ago. But I somehow still feel like I’m failing her . @CuppaTandCake a mixture of things really , I can’t sleep because I’m on edge , or when she’s up all night . She’s getting better but she has GERD and 2 weeks ago she screamed all night for 3 days straight and I didn’t sleep a wink and my husband slept through. But he has a very stressful job and is at work 15 hours a day so I couldn’t wake him to help because there’s nothing he can really do as I Breastfeed but also because he was so fast asleep I couldn’t bare to wake him. I just don’t see a light , ever .

I’m too embarrassed to go to a&e and tell them I’m suicidal . I’m worried they’ll take my baby off me if they know I want to kill myself .

@PumpkinSpicedLatte when you have those feelings know that it is the PND talking and it is not true. Say it in the mirror if you have to.

If you really can't wake your dh can anyone else help you at night? Or during the day so you can catch up on sleep? Is your dd prescribed anything for reflux? Sleep deprivation is torture and that alone will stop you from thinking straight.

No one will take your baby away. Everyone's priority will be to support and help you. I remember being so afraid of that happening. Tell yourself you are loved and that your dd and husband need you.

Whereabouts are you in the country? Local mumsnetters might know of rl support services nearby.

My heart is going out to you, I wish I could help.

@Atla thank you . I have two friends who know of roughly how I am feeling but I darent tell them too much as I don’t want to worry them. But they would help if I asked them but it’s so hard for someone to help with me breast feeding , as sometimes my Daughter will cry and cry but only want to latch on for comfort and nobody else can help other than me. My MIL came over to help one day so I could have an hour, and I had 20 mins before she came to wake me because she couldn’t settle her.
Sleep deprivation truly is torture I’ve never known anything like it .

I am in Derbyshire , it would be great if someone could advise me on any local support .
X

It does get better - realy properly better

If your MIL comes over to help again (I hope she does) try and get her to take your baby out for a walk rather than stay in the house - breastfed babies only want their mother when their mother is around so if you do really need a break and your baby is well - the baby needs to be taken out rather than stay in the house - they really do have a 6th sense where their mum is concerned x

@ikeairgin I never knew that, so thank you so much for letting me know because that means I could even just ask my husband to take her for a walk for an hour when he’s off just to give me a break x

Yes, it does. With help, support and time. Some women with PND take medication, some don’t. It doesn’t matter how you start to feel better, but it is important that you are helped back to health. So yes, DH could definitely take her for a bit do you can have a shower and uninterrupted sleep. Never underestimate the healing power of sleep.

DS is 15, I was ill and had intrusive thoughts about harming myself when he was little. Once the PND cleared, life got much better. Even the teen years have had a lot of laughs and love.

Absolutely will get better. My midwife told me that women who develop PND immediately post birth tend to have a shorter spell that those that develop it later on. It's so shit and I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with a poster above about getting a low dose of diazepam to buffer out the period where sertraline will kick in. Take every hour as it comes.

It does get better even though that may seem impossible now. Pnd lies and lies but so persuasively, it is horrible.
You are not a burden.
I told my hv that I felt that dd deserved a better mum than me, she said "but you're the only mum she wants".
Please don't feel embarrassed to ask for help, please.

Absolutely no one is going to remove your daughter from you, you’re unwell, not unfit to parent her. If you broke your leg and couldn’t walk you would seek medical attention, this is no different.

You’re doing the most amazing job, as others have said, when you don’t believe it look in the mirror and verbally tell yourself you are.
Please please don’t suffer in silence. (I am a midwife and have also suffered with PND so understand both perspectives)

As someone else has also said, get in any support you can, but if someone is going to be looking after your daughter make sure they take her out in the buggy, she can smell you and will howl making you feel guilty and you won’t get any rest which frankly is essential for recovery

Hi OP,

Just wanted to say that absolutely no one will take your daughter away. When I had PND with my first in 2018, I went to my doctor who was so worried she sent me in an ambulance to A&E. No one ever doubted the love I had for my daughter or my ability to care for her - only my ability to keep myself safe. I think it’s a cruel misconception that mothers with PND don’t love their babies - it was in fact the anxiety I had around my baby - her health, her safety and her wellbeing that led to me becoming unwell and I promise you, sleep deprivation will break you. It is the hardest thing. There is little else that helps our brain function at optimal health than sleep and without it, I genuinely think it’s impossible to feel happy. Could you maybe express milk a couple of times a day? Then your husband or family could help a little? I thought I would never feel normal again but I did and not just normal, happier than ever. I can PM you my number if you ever want to chat. I’ve been there and there’s hope I promise you xxxx

I want to reach out and hug you up OP, I went through the same with my first 13 years ago and I was desperate for it to be over in anyway either through ending it all or there being light at the end of the tunnel. There is light I promise, I started on citalapram and yes it can make you feel lower for a couple of weeks but it kicks out the debilitating panic attacks and helps you focus on getting better. Take it seriously and expect your DH/support network/Dr to take it seriously and support you through this. I promise promise promise it gets better.