I’ve name changed for this.
I’m suffering from PND. I have been told I have it. I have a beautiful 5 week old, a loving devoting husband , a lovely house, a large family , friends, I have a job that I love and lovely colleagues . I have everything i could ever want, which makes me feel worse because I am utterly sad. A deep deep sadness. I see nothing but darkness. I am so low. And on top of that I feel incredibly anxious and I am tired, beyond belief . I suffered with depression throughout pregnancy and was refused help as I wasn’t at the time , suicidal. I was told it would pass. Well now I’m 5 weeks PP and I feel worse. Most nights I am suicidal, I was close a few weeks back.
I have awful thoughts and I just don’t know what to do. I’d never harm anyone else, but I have thoughts about me.
The doctor offered me sertraline but warned me it would make me feel worse for the first two weeks and I hand on heart know that if I were to feel worse , I wouldn’t make it two weeks.
I’ve had CBT before and it didn’t help.
I am so tired of pretending I’m doing ok. I have a small handful of friends who I could comfortably talk to but don’t want to burden them.
Please, does it get better ?