Does it ever get better ?

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

I’ve name changed for this.
I’m suffering from PND. I have been told I have it. I have a beautiful 5 week old, a loving devoting husband , a lovely house, a large family , friends, I have a job that I love and lovely colleagues . I have everything i could ever want, which makes me feel worse because I am utterly sad. A deep deep sadness. I see nothing but darkness. I am so low. And on top of that I feel incredibly anxious and I am tired, beyond belief . I suffered with depression throughout pregnancy and was refused help as I wasn’t at the time , suicidal. I was told it would pass. Well now I’m 5 weeks PP and I feel worse. Most nights I am suicidal, I was close a few weeks back.
I have awful thoughts and I just don’t know what to do. I’d never harm anyone else, but I have thoughts about me.
The doctor offered me sertraline but warned me it would make me feel worse for the first two weeks and I hand on heart know that if I were to feel worse , I wouldn’t make it two weeks.
I’ve had CBT before and it didn’t help.
I am so tired of pretending I’m doing ok. I have a small handful of friends who I could comfortably talk to but don’t want to burden them.
Please, does it get better ?

Hiw are you doing @PumpkinSpicedLatte?

Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's the exact opposite. It's so hard asking for help, but life can be great again, honestly.

I struggled through for months, just going through the motions of life. It came to a head when DS went on a nursing strike and I practically had a breakdown. I actually drove to the supermarket with an idea of buying a load of painkillers, but just sat in the car park crying instead.

Life is really good now, DS is 2, and is so much fun now he's interactive!

Terrible, I really want to kill myself. The doctors aren’t interested because I haven’t attempted . The whole criteria is stupid I don’t know how bad you have to be to be taken seriously . I am beside myself . I don’t want to tell anyone I’m feeling worse because I’m scared of scaring people away , so it’s easier to pretend I’m ok. I just want to disappear.

@PumpkinSpicedLatte can you get someone to be with you now? A friend maybe. Please also ring your GP now if you can.

Hi PumpkinSpicedLatte

We're so sorry that you're feeling this way.

We can see you're already getting some good support from other Mumsnetters here, but we thought we'd also add a link to our Mental Health resources as there are many organisations listed which could give you some more support in real life. The Samaritans are there for you too, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123, any time.

We'd also like to point you in the direction of an organisation called PANDAS Foundation which was set up to support families through pre- and postnatal depression. Their webpage is here and they have a free helpline, available Monday – Sunday 11am-10pm - 0808 1961 776.

We also wanted to share a link with Mind's information on Managing mental health problems with a new baby. It's an online booklet for any parent living with a mental health problem, with suggestions on what you can do to help yourself and your baby. It also explains what support is available and includes information for friends and family. Please do take a look.

We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic shortly.

Sending good wishes, OP. We really hope you're okay.