To ask if you’ve had an eating disorder and how you realised you had a problem?

[Roseivy44]

Name change for this. Genuinely unsure as to where ‘just wanting to be a bit healthier/lose a bit of weight’ strays into disordered eating territory.

Like quite a lot of people I have put on a few KGs during lockdown for various reasons (probably mix of WFH, comfort eating etc.) - I‘m technically a ‘healthy’ BMI (about 20.5) but since I weighed myself a few weeks ago I am absolutely consumed with the fact that I need to lose weight.

I’ve decided I need to lose 8kg. My clothes still fit and my DP tells me he thinks I’m being ridiculous but I can’t stop looking at my body and just hating it. I spend ages looking at old pics to see if I can see a difference.

I’ve been tracking my calories every day for the last few weeks now but I don’t really know how many I should be eating - MFP reckons about 1300 for my weight loss goal. I am doing that most days as well as doing 5:2 so for 2 days I am eating about 800 calories.

The thing that worries me the most is that I’ve taken to scrolling TikTok when bored, originally for funny videos but more and more I’m seeing endless ‘what I eat in a day’ videos and lots of ‘eating disorder recovery’ videos where people are showing how many lovely big meals and snacks they are eating.

I KNOW that eating disorders are terrible and dangerous and these poor women have been very sick. But I am ashamed to say this but I feel a sick sort of envy towards these people who have to GAIN weight and can eat whatever they want.

I would love to be so skinny that people are telling me to eat more. Not so much that I’m really unhealthy and losing period etc but enough that I’m noticeably really thin and I could safely eat whatever I want (pasta etc) without worrying about calories.

I have never been remotely overweight so it’s not even like this is a past trauma of being fat or anything. I realise how mental this sounds and I’m ashamed to write it but I wondered if anyone else feels like this.

Where does somewhat healthy weight loss to get ‘back into shape’ end and eating disorder territory start?

It's a good question - in my (absolutely unprofessional!) opinion, I would say it's an issue if it's having a negative impact on you - whether that's affecting your mood, consuming too much of your time, or actually causing you to adopt negative behaviour around eating.

When I was younger, I became obsessed with pro-ED websites and blogs. I was weirdly fascinated and impressed by their 'commitment' to their ED and the sense of community that seemed to exist around that lifestyle. I then had a close (real life) friend become dangerously ill with anorexia and it kind of snapped me back to reality.

Can you delete Tik Tok at least for a few weeks and then see how you feel?

@PrimeraVez

It's a good question - in my (absolutely unprofessional!) opinion, I would say it's an issue if it's having a negative impact on you - whether that's affecting your mood, consuming too much of your time, or actually causing you to adopt negative behaviour around eating.

When I was younger, I became obsessed with pro-ED websites and blogs. I was weirdly fascinated and impressed by their 'commitment' to their ED and the sense of community that seemed to exist around that lifestyle. I then had a close (real life) friend become dangerously ill with anorexia and it kind of snapped me back to reality.

Can you delete Tik Tok at least for a few weeks and then see how you feel?

I’d say it’s consuming most of my thoughts during the day in one form or another - every time I go past a mirror I’m looking at my stomach, feeling my arms, looking at my thighs etc. I’ve never really been like this before, I love food and maybe I’ve just been fortunate that I haven’t tended to put on weight when eating whatever I wanted - I’m early 30s now so maybe this is it

I probably should stop looking at TikTok - I thought at first it would give me ideas for healthier meals but actually all I do is end up comparing myself to skinny American girls in their 20s and being envious of people able to eat a dessert every night because they need to gain weight

If your BMI is 20.5, that's the low end of healthy. If you lose 8kg, you will be underweight. Everything you've written sounds like you have an ED of some kind. Why are you on a very low calorie diet when you're clearly a healthy weight? Have you considered some kind of therapy?

@DappledOliveGroves

If your BMI is 20.5, that's the low end of healthy. If you lose 8kg, you will be underweight. Everything you've written sounds like you have an ED of some kind. Why are you on a very low calorie diet when you're clearly a healthy weight? Have you considered some kind of therapy?

Because I’ve put on weight and I hate it - I don’t think I’m as slim as I used to be and the scales confirm it. Everyone around me tells me I don’t look any different but how can that be when I’m about 6kg heavier than I’ve tended to be in the past?

It’s good that you are asking about recognising the signs, some of what you have said signals to me that you could be bordering on disordered eating and a disordered view of yourself and wanting to lose weight.

All I would say to you is that if you have the power to and you are aware of it, nip it in the bud now, eating disorders can be a life sentence. I had one for 17 years and would still say I am in recovery now but well. Over half of that time was spent trying to quit the disorder. They are incredibly addictive and damaging and take over your life.

I would suggest sharing your feelings with your DP, the best thing that ever happened to me was my DP found out and he was gutted I had hidden it, I was then able to start recovering.

Avoid fad diets, love the body you have, in my early 20s I could lose a couple of pounds at the drop of a hat, now it’s harder and takes longer in my 30s. You have to accept that your body sometimes changes as you get older. It doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the body you have with great foods and exercise.

Please take care of yourself, if you let yourself slip into a full blown eating disorder it will be the worst thing you ever do to yourself, no amount of being slim will make you happy, it will become not about the food but about your mind and how it’s trapped.

@Galaxycat

It’s good that you are asking about recognising the signs, some of what you have said signals to me that you could be bordering on disordered eating and a disordered view of yourself and wanting to lose weight.

All I would say to you is that if you have the power to and you are aware of it, nip it in the bud now, eating disorders can be a life sentence. I had one for 17 years and would still say I am in recovery now but well. Over half of that time was spent trying to quit the disorder. They are incredibly addictive and damaging and take over your life.

I would suggest sharing your feelings with your DP, the best thing that ever happened to me was my DP found out and he was gutted I had hidden it, I was then able to start recovering.

Avoid fad diets, love the body you have, in my early 20s I could lose a couple of pounds at the drop of a hat, now it’s harder and takes longer in my 30s. You have to accept that your body sometimes changes as you get older. It doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the body you have with great foods and exercise.

Please take care of yourself, if you let yourself slip into a full blown eating disorder it will be the worst thing you ever do to yourself, no amount of being slim will make you happy, it will become not about the food but about your mind and how it’s trapped.

Thank you @Galaxycat this nearly made me cry and I’m sorry you have been through it and struggled.

I just can’t shake the feeling that I’d be so much happier if I was really thin. I have a goal weight in mind that I think I have been at before in my 20s without even trying - I fear when I got there I probably wouldn’t be content!

I initially lost a bit of weight when I started this diet but the last week I haven’t lost anything which has sent me into a panic.

My DP eats whatever he wants and is still a tall bean pole so he would never understand

My BMI is the same as yours and I have to eat quite minimally to maintain it. If I was to lose more weight I'd have to be on a dangerously low amount of calories, so I think you are heading down a dangerous path if you want to be 8kg lighter. I haven't had an ED but I don't have the best relationship with food - I force myself to be okay about this BMI and I do not try to lose, but I also try VERY hard not to gain and get quite upset if I do. I would recommend that you don't try to lose weight, your period probably will stop and you may well do yourself some damage.

@Ploughingthrough

My BMI is the same as yours and I have to eat quite minimally to maintain it. If I was to lose more weight I'd have to be on a dangerously low amount of calories, so I think you are heading down a dangerous path if you want to be 8kg lighter. I haven't had an ED but I don't have the best relationship with food - I force myself to be okay about this BMI and I do not try to lose, but I also try VERY hard not to gain and get quite upset if I do. I would recommend that you don't try to lose weight, your period probably will stop and you may well do yourself some damage.

The fact you have to eat minimally is depressing though, right?? I wish I could just eat whatever I wanted - there are so many foods I just feel I can never eat again without feeling guilty, unless I know I’ve barely eaten all day!!

Is this what people do!? If they want a big meal or a piece or cake they just don’t eat all day beforehand? Because I can’t see how people keep weight off if not

And I am never going to be an athlete - I don’t really enjoy exercise!

I've struggled with bulimia on and off for 20 years. It's tricky to know when I actually realised that was what it was, though, because I have never actually been underweight! At my lightest, I had a BMI of 20, but most of the time I've been somewhat fat, so most of my friends would probably be very surprised if I told them that I had an ED. I probably realised it myself when I found myself panicking after I had lunch at a friend's house and I wasn't able to easily get somewhere I could "get rid" of what I'd eaten.

To me, it doesn't really matter if you've crossed the border between disordered eating (which I think you probably have) and an eating disorder (although some of the things you've said are classic ED responses). If you are starting to become preoccupied with food and weight, despite still being perfectly slim and healthy, then I think you would benefit from speaking to someone.

If I could only give you one piece of advice, it would be to stay away from any form of social media, and I include a lot of Mumsnet in that. Unfortunately there are a lot of people on here who post about their very disordered eating regimes with little awareness that they are disordered, even to the extent that they push their diets on other people who are worried about their weight.

@JimmyJabs

I've struggled with bulimia on and off for 20 years. It's tricky to know when I actually realised that was what it was, though, because I have never actually been underweight! At my lightest, I had a BMI of 20, but most of the time I've been somewhat fat, so most of my friends would probably be very surprised if I told them that I had an ED. I probably realised it myself when I found myself panicking after I had lunch at a friend's house and I wasn't able to easily get somewhere I could "get rid" of what I'd eaten.

To me, it doesn't really matter if you've crossed the border between disordered eating (which I think you probably have) and an eating disorder (although some of the things you've said are classic ED responses). If you are starting to become preoccupied with food and weight, despite still being perfectly slim and healthy, then I think you would benefit from speaking to someone.

If I could only give you one piece of advice, it would be to stay away from any form of social media, and I include a lot of Mumsnet in that. Unfortunately there are a lot of people on here who post about their very disordered eating regimes with little awareness that they are disordered, even to the extent that they push their diets on other people who are worried about their weight.

Thanks for sharing. I know I am technically quite slim - 10 on bottom (27 jeans) and 8 on top but I feel like so many people are so much thinner and I don’t know how they do it.

I’m sat here looking in horror at my stomach which is slightly bloated after a small lunch.

I never used to be like this!!

op yeah it's really depressing. Which is why there isn't a cat in hell's chance that I can lose more weight because I'd probably then become actually depressed.
If I want a treat I have one, but yes I have to drop the calories elsewhere. No amount of wishing that wasn't the case changes it unfortunately!

I had one in my late teens and early 20’s. I realised I had one because I became obsessed but food and planning. I was also weighing myself a number of times a day which obviously is far from healthy. It sounds like you definitely need professional support. I know it’s not easy reaching out but an eating disorder will only make unhappy in the long term.

@thedaywewillremeber

I had one in my late teens and early 20’s. I realised I had one because I became obsessed but food and planning. I was also weighing myself a number of times a day which obviously is far from healthy. It sounds like you definitely need professional support. I know it’s not easy reaching out but an eating disorder will only make unhappy in the long term.

The other week I was weighing myself every day and sometimes multiple times hoping to see a lower number. I’ve now restricted it to once a week and when I know it’s the night before I’m so nervous to know whether I’ve lost any weight . I hadn’t lost any this morning so that was a huge blow.

I’m not even sure what I’d say to anyone professional - I really want to lose weight and I don’t really want to be told I shouldn’t. If I was told to up my calories I would totally freak out...

@Ploughingthrough

op yeah it's really depressing. Which is why there isn't a cat in hell's chance that I can lose more weight because I'd probably then become actually depressed. If I want a treat I have one, but yes I have to drop the calories elsewhere. No amount of wishing that wasn't the case changes it unfortunately!

Maybe if you’re not sure how to approach a professional you could show them your post here? Might make it easier as sometimes having to explain it all can be so overwhelming.

Is this what people do!? If they want a big meal or a piece or cake they just don’t eat all day beforehand? Because I can’t see how people keep weight off if not

No; you just eat a lot less the following day. IMO, it's getting to ED territory if you have to plan all your food in advance.

If you're suffering from bloating... is there any chance you've developed a mild food intolerance? The discomfort might be why you've felt the desire to lose weight/eat less - a subconscious wish to avoid it. Just a thought. I think common intolerances include wheat or dairy but your GP should be able to advise further. x

@laudete

Is this what people do!? If they want a big meal or a piece or cake they just don’t eat all day beforehand? Because I can’t see how people keep weight off if not

No; you just eat a lot less the following day. IMO, it's getting to ED territory if you have to plan all your food in advance.

If you're suffering from bloating... is there any chance you've developed a mild food intolerance? The discomfort might be why you've felt the desire to lose weight/eat less - a subconscious wish to avoid it. Just a thought. I think common intolerances include wheat or dairy but your GP should be able to advise further. x

Interesting - she says having planned out her food on my fitness pal for the next 2 days....

I’ve cut out dairy pretty much in the last month and it has really helped with bloating - I am probably today as I’ve eaten a sort of ‘healthy’ pot noodle type thing probably loaded with salt but was low-ish calories.

Unfortunately there are a lot of people on here who post about their very disordered eating regimes with little awareness that they are disordered, even to the extent that they push their diets on other people who are worried about their weight.

Totally agree with this. Some of the threads on diet are shocking. It’s obviously far more common than I realised for women to severely limit their food intake.

There are loads of eating disorder threads on here which frequently make me angry that they're not picked up and given trigger warnings.

There is currently a certain childish look that is seen as attractive and is very hard to gain by just eating normally.

Unless you are actually overweight and unhealthy there is no need to be monitoring food at all. what you see online is often actually quite unhealthy.

We only live once and like is so short!
Hopefully you can stop this before it gets worse. I know women who's lived are nothing but this.

@MustWe

Unfortunately there are a lot of people on here who post about their very disordered eating regimes with little awareness that they are disordered, even to the extent that they push their diets on other people who are worried about their weight.

Totally agree with this. Some of the threads on diet are shocking. It’s obviously far more common than I realised for women to severely limit their food intake.

I haven’t really looked at those very much - the majority I see are people with very high BMIs wanting to lose multiple stones but I suppose regardless of weight you can be disordered.

When a partner (often male) says their female partner is too skinny, there is normally an issue. It's not healthy or natural to look that way.

@BabyLlamaZen

When a partner (often male) says their female partner is too skinny, there is normally an issue. It's not healthy or natural to look that way.

He doesn’t say I am too thin - he just says he doesn’t think I need to lose weight. However he is encouraging of me doing exercise, obviously!

I don’t think anyone would say I am too thin - I have a normal stomach (not super flat but no real flab really unless I sit/bend over) and thighs that touch.

I know objectively I am not FAT but I’m not thin enough for my liking.

@BabyLlamaZen

There are loads of eating disorder threads on here which frequently make me angry that they're not picked up and given trigger warnings.

There is currently a certain childish look that is seen as attractive and is very hard to gain by just eating normally.

Unless you are actually overweight and unhealthy there is no need to be monitoring food at all. what you see online is often actually quite unhealthy.

We only live once and like is so short!
Hopefully you can stop this before it gets worse. I know women who's lived are nothing but this.

Sorry I didn’t want to trigger anyone

I also really would be scared if I didn’t monitor my food at all I would get even bigger. I think it’s more the shock I put on a few KGS and didn’t really realise until it was too late.