Since having our children I feel like I've completely lost my identity. I love my 3 DCs and pretty much spend every hour looking after them or doing things for them.
During lockdown I've realised that my only 'friends' were people I'd see on the school run or at baby groups, and the majority haven't been in contact.
I have low self esteem and self loathing and I really panic if I try to do anything focused on myself. For example, I went clothes shopping but felt so uncomfortable - what's the point of trying anything on it will just look awful?? Left me feeling low for a couple of days (is this normal?!) I only feel comfortable if I'm doing something for the kids, eg clothes shopping for the kids is fine.
Until recently my work was very demanding and working so hard made me ill with depression and anxiety. I feel like I've failed in my career and probably wont return to it, though I'm not qualified for anything else decent. I feel I can never measure up to OH who has been very successful and he will see through me.
At work I was pretty confident but anything where I need to think about myself fills me with dread. I just really dislike most things about myself - looks, personality, parenting style, clothes, no friends, failed career. I'm often filled with anxiety.
How do I get myself out if this rut?