Anyone else just trying to stay alive at the moment?

[colouringindoors]

I have cptsd from living with undiagnosed bipolar oh for 10 years, two major horrific crises, ds also with ptsd. Severly slipped disc for last 5/6 weeks pain 24/7 and I am honestly on the edge. Only thing keeping me going (despite 2 dcs who rely on me) is my darling dad. He would be totally totally heartbroken if i took my life, most of all of my lovely family.
So I've googled as am taking a Shitload of drugs at the moment.
My mum unusually for her asked how I was doing tonight. So I replied and said pain was v bad. No reply. Classic. she's no mother.
Like us almost entirely unbearable.

How do u keep going?

hi lonely welcome. So sorry to hear you've had such scary horrible time. So rubbish there's so little support.

Could u go back to the gp or a different one and explain how you're feeling?

Lockdown was bad news for my mental heath too. I have a depression and cptsd diagnosis and six weeks ago slipped a disc badly which has been horrendous. I'm off on holiday tomorrow (!) as I wouldn't be safe at home alone

Does anyone know if u can call Samaritans from France?

Hi :) Unfortunately the waiting times are not dependent on a GP so changing this one will make no difference. I managed to get some online support for Monday so that's ok and then I will get back to the GP next week.
No clue about Samaritans number from France, you could try?
The Dutch have a service in English and they have a chat too: www.113.nl/English of you just want to chat to someone. Not too sure they will help you if you are in France but you can try.

Trued to do a bit of research about it colouring but didn't get much joy sorry

Hi lonely
Sorry to hear you've been struggling. You're very welcome here. Good to hear you've sorted some support for Monday

thanks for researching wild that's really kind of you x

well I've finally arrived at campsite (mini chalet for me ) its all really lovely but my ds with ptsd fnd is in a wheelchair at the moment and I'm so totally gutted for him, he can't do anything he'd usually do

sending best wishes to all

Hi can I please join? I am about to give up on MN as I've found so many posts I send go unread. The one child families one is particularly bad for posters not reading the thread through and ignoring posts. The only topic I find really helpful is the gardening one.
Anyway I think I have PMDD and it's been getting worse lately the closer I get to menopause. I feel torn apart with guilt for not being able to have more than one child, have an unsupportive family and since my mother died, am basically used as a doormat by my father. I've been in bed in pain all day and can't function, don't want to see anyone. It's got so bad lately i went to gp..I was getting dark thoughts and so was prescribed ad's but refused to take as I think I need to stop the periods. I've been getting this for over 30 years and nothing has worked. I think I just need to talk.
Thanks for reading.

hi booseysmum so sorry to hear you're having such a rubbish time. Are you on Facebook? if so there's a v good PMDD support group - UK PMDD support group which might be worth a look at. Dont dismiss the anti depressents though, I take fluoxetine fir depression and it has helped my symptoms. Just read about you wanting to stop periods- many women on that fb have had surgery to stop everything. Anyhow, I hear you x

Hi colouringindoors you should know first of all how much your reply means to me so thank you for bothering to write.
Yes I'm on FB. I'll try that group thanks.
I've never been diagnosed with anything and just assumed it was the periods as it's always in cycles. Lately it's awful from mid cycle to when the period starts. Not just depression and mood swings but cramp and sickness, weakness, fatigue, dizziness and flushes and insomnia. I can't go on like this. I think I need the coil again maybe. I haven't been on any contraception for years as we were ttc but it never happened again after DS.
I think I was prescribed the same ad's as you. I was too scared to start taking them.
How are you feeling now?

Hi booseysmum I'm glad you posted here.
I have been on fluoxetine a long time ago and I felt very numb. Not depressed but not anything. When my son was 2 months old I was diagnosed with PND and put on lofepramine. He is now 11! Still on it.
I'd like a review and to change it ( or up the dose?)but I'm scared of taking something new too in case I feel worse. I think ADs are a good thing though. Maybe you could try and give them a go?
I don't have any experience with PMDD but I'm sending
coloring I'm sorry your son isn't able to do his usual activities. Hope you can both find something nice to do together. I'm envious you are on holiday

Actually sorry I did have a friend who had PMDD (had to check it was the right thing) and she had injections to bring on menopause and stop her periods which helped her

@wildthingsinthenight.. Thank you so much for your kind msg. . I'm only going to take them if the dark thoughts return. The gp was fine with that. But I need to do something and because of covid they won't refer me! Those injections to bring on menopause sound extreme. Never heard of that.. but if that's what it takes...
The hardest thing is accepting I won't be having another DC. It's the hardest door to close as it signifies the end of the good years.. which I spent too much time fucking up !! Excuse my French.

Yes that's hard. I only have 1 child as I started too late and the PND.
Mentally I've found it very difficult being a mum but now he is a bit older I feel life might brighten up for me. I love him and would never be without him but my mental health has never been the same. I sadly look back on his babyhood with guilt as I was too terrified/poorly to enjoy it properly.
Hoping these are my good years coming up! Not happening so far

@wildthingsinthenight.. I think we're similar in that we started too late and got PND. The first few months and even years were hard. Sorry you went through that..I always intended to have another almost to try to put all the bad stuff right, but it never happened then the guilt sets in.
I hope you find peace x

BooseysMom
Thank you. And you too ❤

colouring Been thinking of you in France.
I hope you're managing to enjoy it and get some peace

I am reporting back to say that the psychosis is gone and I have a psychiatrist consult booked for next week. What a relief!
Hope you ladies are haning in there!

Hello everyone. Can I join? . I can't cope with living like this but I can't kill. Myself because of dd and my mum. Just feel there's no way out.

wildthings thanks for thinking of me x its pretty tough. My pain is still pretty bad. But worse my son's FND is worsening day by day so he just wants to go home. he has no function in both legs and one arm. pain in legs and chest and today woke without ability to speak . Its heartbreaking

im yotally dependent on my ex which i hate and his super happy mood is triggering as it reminds me of his periods of mania which always ended in disaster.

valency so sorry to hear you're geeling so bad. it's my dcs and my dad that stop me but some days the feeling is v strong. One day at a time etc... be kind to yourself.

lonelySam thats excellrnt news anoyt the psychosis! Must be such a relief! Hope youre able to do some nice things for you now

apologies for all the typos.

Hi to booseysmum and anyone I've missed.

Hey guys. I finally managed to speak to the psychiatrist today, for all of three minutes, but anyway. We’re going to try a dosette box made up by the pharmacy. And if that doesn’t help me take them then I think the next step is injection, which I don’t want but I think it might help. Still got psychosis and still feel awful. I’m just shockingly bad at taking meds, sometimes the voices stop me taking them, other times I forget and other times I just don’t want to. I know I’m terrible but I dunno.

colouringindoors hi, I hope you're ok? What you're going through makes me feel my problems are silly in comparison. Thinking of you