Would you leave your job for the sake of your mental health

[Soscared29]

I won’t bore you with the details, but I am currently off work with depression and anxiety. I have suffered this for years but the current role I am in/along with combination of lockdown and working from home for weeks as had a really severe impact on my mental health. I just can’t live like this anymore. The thought of going back is making me feel worse - so if you could afford to, would you leave a job in order to focus on your mental health and family life?

Yes, absolutely and have done so myself.

I am struggling with stress at the moment but my job has a lot going for it, close to home, very flexible hours, and also well paid and secure, which we need right now. Keep thinking that if I can make this work for another 4 years then our mortgage is paid off and I have more choices.

My problem is that I can't just treat it as a job and switch off when my hours are done. I beat myself up if I don't achieve what I see as perfection, think about it constantly out of hours, and take things too personally.

I worry about leaving this job, going elsewhere, and just being stressed and anxious there. How do I know if its the job or me?

@LoveBeingAMum555 it’s a hard balance to strike and I absolutely can relate. I think for me I just know at this point in my life I can’t give my all to this job and that is taking my enjoyment out of it. I need to step back from work for a bit and focus on myself as I have spent so many years just plodding along in this way. Maybe lockdown made me realise how much I needed this break to face up to my demons which although is so painful at the moment, it is what is needed. I would rather my dd grow up seeing me as happy than being a nurse, if that makes any sense at all.

Absolutely, if you can afford it, protect your mental health.

@Soscared29 I admire you, work shouldn't make you miserable, life is too short. Hope whatever you do next brings you lots of happiness.

Yes and I did 1 year too late I think. I would normally say get out as quickly as you can.
BUT perhaps now is not the time to leave, can you talk to your GP and make a plan while checking if the economy bounces back? Unless you have some financial reserves just in case.
I know it will be extremely hard to stay but I have been excluded from any financial help during the pandemic and I can't even begin to express the stress and damage to my mental health that has caused.

@Emrel thanks for your advice, I do see what you are saying and sorry you are in this position. I don’t have much financial reserve but do said he will support it. However as I am so unwell at the moment I am worried my judgement is clouded, so it is difficult knowing what to do for the best. If only we had a crystal ball ey...

dp*

No, because financial problems wouldn’t benefit MH either. I stayed in the job, worked fewer hours, got help for my MH (outside work), and applied for other jobs.

Also, things about me go with me everywhere!

Eg you mention being a people pleaser. If you do things against your health/interests that’ll still be an issue if you quit.

@Soscared29 I assume you are off sick. If so can your Trust (assume NHS) support you with counselling? If your judgement feels clouded it might help.

Yes but it took a lot of weighing up as it involved a massive paycut. I became a single when the youngest DC was almost 1 and couldn't maintain my home, 60 hours of work or parenting and was just failing at them all. I now work 30 hours a week at a job I love and everybody is happier for it. But I do now rely on universal credit for childcare and some other financial assistance and that created other mental health issues.

Struggling to send eldest DC on a skiing trip was a very he's moment as I once again felt like I was letting him down. He didn't tell me about it because he knew it was very expensive and I did feel awful. But at the same time I saw a financially aware child showing some compassion and selflessness for his mother. So that was a beautiful moment!

Basically, you'll probably feel awful whatever decision you make in life. Sometimes I think that's the whole point of being a woman 😅

@FallingIguanas yes I’ve been off 4 weeks. I started coy selling through our EAP. I was really unwell after the first session and on the second session she discharged me said it was beyond their remit and I needed more trauma-based work. I now have some through my union who have been brilliant.

Haha @DonutDolittle I think you are right there! Bless you’re little boy, he sounds very sweet

Your* sorry I am the worst for typos

@Soscared29 good to hear you are being supported by your union. If it's trauma based you need to get this resolved before you can even begin to make any decision about returning and the sickness policy will protect you during this time.

Yes, six years ago. Best thing I ever did.

Thank you @FallingIguanas. I was so disappointed when I was discharged as if taken me years to face it.
I have my Occupational Health appointment in the morning. Does anyone have experience of this in NHS and what they might ask/recommend?

@Soscared29 OH are there to protect you (and the employer) and make recommendations to your Manager and HR, who will become involved the longer you are off. The whole process should be a supportive one not punitive. Be honest with them. If you are signed off via your GP they cannot override this. They can support options in terms of a phased return when/if the time is right and, most importantly, you are better, or look at redeployment in conjunction with HR into a different area of practice.

Thanks so much @FallingIguanas that sounds positive

I did when I was pregnant. Got signed off sick at 27 weeks, went back for a week to tie up some loose ends in my cases and then went on maternity leave at 29 weeks. Was on a contract with a weeks notice and decided the stress was too harmful to me and baby. Was only entitled to smp so and I knew I wasn't going back to that line of work so was happy to leave.

The workplace felt like there was dangerously low levels of management oversight in very serious cases. Had 3 different line managers and 2 different service managers in the 2 months I was there. Couldn't manage the stress and wasn't sleeping with the worry. Not good during pregnancy.

I did. Due to a terrible workplace culture. I got so worn down by being constantly angry. I took a huge drop in salary, which I do miss, but do not miss ending every working day in a burning rage.

@Shayisgreat sounds like you did the right thing. Was it NHS?

@soscared29 no, local authority.

OP yes I am in the process of doing this now. Actually handing my notice in on Monday. The covid crisis and being at home furloughed has really made me focus on what it is that is damaging my mental health and causing me severe anxiety.
If you can do this and focus on yourself I don't think you'll regret it.
Good luck