Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Would you leave your job for the sake of your mental health

109 replies

Soscared29 · 10/07/2020 18:31

I won’t bore you with the details, but I am currently off work with depression and anxiety. I have suffered this for years but the current role I am in/along with combination of lockdown and working from home for weeks as had a really severe impact on my mental health. I just can’t live like this anymore. The thought of going back is making me feel worse - so if you could afford to, would you leave a job in order to focus on your mental health and family life?

OP posts:
RockinRacoon · 10/07/2020 22:41

I left a salaried job (nhs) mainly for my mental health. I've done some self employed work in same role but the stress is unbearable. In one way child care and lack of work at the moment has worked well for me. Trying to consider alternatives! I'm just fortunate DH covering mortgage at the moment as otherwise dread to think.

Original poster
Soscared29 · 10/07/2020 22:59

Do you mind me asking what area you work in @tass1960?
This has given me the boost to put an application in for another job. Will be less hours but more time with my dd is how I will view this. This is another revelation I had over lockdown! We will get by financially for a little while.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soscared29 · 10/07/2020 23:02

Sorry @MINEareCRAFTy seeing messages late. Sending you Flowers. There a few people off in my team at the moment.

OP posts:
nubeejinnings · 10/07/2020 23:11

Yes I did, two jobs, same line of work. I now do something completely different, work far less hours and I'm a lot happier. No job is worth sacrificing your health, family etc

lavenderlove · 10/07/2020 23:36

Yes 100%. Don't run yourself in to the ground for a job that would replace you in a 2 weeks. Good luck xx

backseatcookers · 10/07/2020 23:55

I am a hopeless people-pleaser and hate letting people down.

I had an epiphany once when someone pointed out that as a people pleaser, surely I wanted the one person guaranteed to always be in my life (me!!!) to be happy.

And to not let them (me!!!) down by making decisions that mean they are less healthy and less happy.

You're in a position where you can afford it and in a climate where your skill is in demand. Take a break. Give yourself time to process and reassess.

Explore types of counselling, meditation etc and reconnect with yourself as a whole person not defined solely by your job. Might take a couple of months, might take a year.

But it'll change your life for the better forever Thanks

copperoliver · 11/07/2020 00:05

Yes. X

FaithInfinity · 11/07/2020 00:08

Yes, I was a ward nurse. I too made a mistake, had a family bereavement and had to go off sick because my anxiety was so high I was terrified I was going to make a grave mistake. I found it very difficult to get a new job because of my sickness record but managed it eventually. I left over 3 years ago and I still have nightmares about being back
in my old job or that they ask me to go back. I’m still nursing but again I’m having problems and seriously contemplating my options.

Would you consider bank or agency? That would give you some money til you decide what to do next.

Glitterskull · 11/07/2020 00:29

Yes, I did this 3 months ago. I had reached the point where I was driving back from meetings and thinking if I just drifted off to sleep now, this would all be over. It still took me a month to pluck up the courage to resign - but the relief I felt afterwards was immediate. The company were good, they knew I was suffering from anxiety and depression but the line of work I was in was just too much for me to cope with.

Like others I was lucky that we can survive on my husbands wage. And I am looking for work now, every time I am tempted to go back into the line of work I was in previously I have to pinch myself and remember how bad things had got.

My counsellor has explained that I have "wounded healer" tendency's and want to rush in and fix people but previously that was at the expense of my own mental health. Taking some time to work on myself and find other ways to help people and keep myself well.

Whatdoyouthinkaboutthisone · 11/07/2020 00:36

In answer to your question Yes I would and I have done twice in the past.
You must put your mental health first and your happiness.
I hope the future is much brighter for you Flowers

FallingIguanas · 11/07/2020 08:15

If the thought of going back is making you feel worse then you have to leave. No job, no matter how secure or with good benefits (NHS) is worth compromising your MH. Also you have a statutory requirement under the NMC to protect others, that includes reflecting on whether continuing to practice is in yours and your patients best interests. I've been there too however the relief was palpable when I finally handed in my notice.

patas · 11/07/2020 09:47

Of course, it's a no brainer.
You can afford to leave.

If you couldn't afford to leave that would be a more difficult question.

whichteaareyou · 11/07/2020 09:48

100%!

Anxietyqueen1987 · 11/07/2020 09:49

Yes

HunkyPunk · 11/07/2020 09:54

Yes. It's a cliche, but life isn't a rehearsal. Don't stick with something if it's making you miserable. Time to do what you need to do Smile Flowers

wageslave · 11/07/2020 09:59

Yes - I've just handed in my notice and will leave in a few days. I've been bullied (not just me, loads of us), affecting everyone badly but I'm the only one who's prepared to do something about it - I've called the bully out. Some see me as a hero for making a stand, others see me as weak for not holding out and staying with them. As a result of the bullying I've turned into an insomniac, tetchy grump who is no fun to be with and who doesn't enjoy life. I've become overwhelmed by anxiety, by Friday nights I'm already dreading Monday, and live in a general state of agitation. Friends who see me think I'm having a breakdown. I think it will take me a long time to recover from this.

So please look after yourself and get out! X

mdh2020 · 11/07/2020 10:05

I gave up teaching because I was suffering from depression and anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, and shook and cried at the thought of going into school.
Nothing is more important than your mental health. I got a job in higher education instead and never looked back.

mamansnet · 11/07/2020 14:12

I did. I was on the verge of my second burnout in 2 years and my boss shafted me once again. I walked out that same day with nothing to go to. Still haven't resumed my career properly (had a baby and then retrained) but it was absolutely the right thing to do. The necessary thing to do.

It takes time to get your head around it though. Hopefully you have a financial buffer that will let you take some time out, rebuild your energy and your self-esteem. Those people who think you should stay have never been through it, so don't listen to them. This is your health and your sanity, and there's nothing more important than that.

You won't look back. Others in the same boat will have their jaws hanging open that you managed to get away. I still have former colleagues ring me now, 6 years later, to ask how I did it. You can do it!

tass1960 · 11/07/2020 16:05

Do you mind me asking what area you work in @tass1960?

I am office based in the private sector. Am moving to office based in the public sector. There was no bullying involved in my situation just one member of staff who does virtually nothing yet complains how busy she is all the time. The bosses know but can't be arsed doing anything about it and so for my own sanity and to stop me actually blowing up am walking.

CompleteBarstool · 11/07/2020 16:08

Having seen a friend who struggled on in her job (teaching) and went on to have 2 years of breakdowns, hospital admissions and numerous attempts to take her own life then yes, I would definitely give up a job that was affecting my mental health.

squiffyseesaw · 11/07/2020 16:09

I did. I left teaching after twelve years. It damaged me beyond recognition. The Sunday night after I quit I spent in tears of relief that I didn't have to go in the next day.

I should have left sooner, that's my only regret.

WarmHeyerette · 11/07/2020 16:22

I wish to god that I had before Covid. And it’s not a no-brainer when we may have 4 million unemployed before long.

I had made the decision and should have had an interview in a different field in the first week of lockdown...
Feel like I’m trapped forever in the nhs now.

Redcrayons · 11/07/2020 19:43

Unfortunately I can’t afford to not work, but I was planning on changing this year.

Then Covid happened and I’m being made redundant in October. My initial reaction was relief that I didn’t have to go back.

Obviously I’m quite anxious about finding a new job.

Do you want to leave nursing or just the role?

Devlesko · 11/07/2020 19:45

No, I've never thought too much.
Once the panic attacks start you're in Dickies meadow, it's important for healing to learn how to see it earlier.

YNK · 11/07/2020 20:02

Yes, although I actually left because of an injury sustained due to a manager bullying me to be in a dangerous situation.
Shortly after that the manager took her own life after being suspended and under investigation for bullying others.
No job is worth that!