Health anxiety

[Mvshrln]

Hi all,

I've seen a couple of health anxiety threads on here but they're all quite old/inactive and wondered if there were any more recent ones, or if anyone fancied discussing it via this new thread? It's helpful when someone else knows how you feel.

I really struggle with HA, the thoughts bounce around my head until I fixate on one and worry about it relentlessly. I can see why the anxiety has appeared (friends parent passed away, the covid-19 situation has terrified me, I'm getting older/have life events happening like buying a house, and I also work within the hospice sector). It's helpful to know why but it doesn't help with how to deal with it! I'm currently taking venlafaxine and CBT counselling via videocall but the worry takes up huge chunks of my day.

Nightmare! How is everyone else?

@dillydallydollydaydream7 when I was at the breast clinic they said that breast pain is usually hormonal (so therefore would be common in pregnancy) and often happens only on one side. I hope that reassured you. I also thought i had a lump but she said normal breast tissue can feel like a bunch of grapes and even if there is a lump over 95% turn out to be benign anyway. So I found that all really reassuring.

My problem is that I am too scared to self-examine once a month, as you are meant to, as 99% of the time I will find something that scares me, so therefore I don't do it. And that means I don't know my breasts very well so can't tell if something is normal or unusual for me. Unlike a lot of people with HA I have a fear of checking myself as it generally leads to a panicking spiral so I just avoid it. Not good!

Thank you @dillydallydollydaydream7, I've been doing okay Have felt not bad for a while but today, for some reason, my emetophobic worries have flared up. Usually it's caused by a twinge in my stomach or a vague feeling of queasiness which I then can't forget. I try to remember that I've felt like this before and it's never turned into anything, and that I'm sure it's just anxiety. I feel so uncomfortable though - it's so frustratingly easy to make yourself feel ill when there's not actually anything wrong with you! Then when I am feeling okay, I forget to appreciate that I'm not feeling nauseous anymore! I think part the fear is of a loss of control of my body, I just imagine feeling and being so ill and the thought terrifies me.

she said normal breast tissue can feel like a bunch of grapes
Yes I remember being told that when you're feeling for lumps that breast tissue naturally feels like bumpy and that it's not smooth by any means - I think the thing to look out for is small hard lumps, I think if you found something like that you'd realise it doesn't feel right?

My problem is that I am too scared to self-examine once a month, as you are meant to, as 99% of the time I will find something that scares me, so therefore I don't do it.

I know what you mean but I also think that if you check regularly you're more likely to find something in the early stages in which case you're less likely to need to worry anyway.

Hope everyone is doing well

Hello - feeling a bit better after reading this thread!

I too have had health anxiety on and off for years. I've been particularly bad during lockdown, although weirdly I'm not concerned about getting Covid (probably as, deep down, I know I'm fit and healthy). I also think being over 50 has ramped up my anxiety as I know bad things are more common the older you are.

In recent months I've worried about:
Mouth cancer
Lymphoma
Brain tumour
Bowel cancer

My current one is breast cancer. I was supposed to have my routine mammogram in March but it was cancelled due to Covid. I then started worrying about a tiny dent on my left breast. Gp not worried but has referred me under 2ww - breast clinic appointment is on Thursday and I'm terrified! However, I'm now almost certain that dent has been there for years, since I had surgery for a breast abscess. God knows how I forgot but it's only noticeable in certain lights and I didn't know until recently that dents were a cause for concern, only lumps. I'm now annoyed with myself for putting myself through this, especially as Thursday will be stressful enough as it's GCSE results day for DS! However, I'm still terrified that they will find something anyway but at least I'll know on the day rather than having the anxious wait for the results that I have after the routine mammogram (which have always been clear to date).

I hate having this and sympathise with other sufferers.

Morning all! Hope everyone is well and had a good weekend. I've got my usual Monday morning anxiety

I'm still waiting for my smear test results (they said it would take a week or so, and it was done last Tuesday), along with the full blood count results (I got some of the results on the day but not all). I wish I had asked how the results would be communicated with me e.g. phonecall, letter. My health report has been published as a pdf on my online account so I don't know if they would then update the report and republish it for me to look at? I don't know, but I hope I get the results today.

@KingaRoo that's really interesting and helpful what they said to you at the breast clinic about one sided breast pain and the "bunch of grapes" feeling. I've also been told the same about one sided breast pain as I generally only feel it in one breast (I'm not pregnant but it coincides with hormonal changes e.g. period). I had a breast lump in December which the GP could feel but it disappeared by the time I saw the breast clinic. They did however still do an ultrasound and said I have naturally lumpy breasts. I had another ultrasound a few months ago on the same breast and again they said the same. I paid for it privately as my GP said she did not need to refer me as I didn't have any symptoms, which was true, but my anxiety had convinced me otherwise.

The self breast check can feel quite scary but it's good to do of course! My doctor recommended checking your breast 3 days after your period has ended, as breasts do feel different throughout the month (e.g. mine can be quite firm just before my period but then can be quite soft and empty feeling at other times).

Hi @Worriedoncemore and welcome :) It certainly seems that lockdown has triggered a lot of anxieties with us, and I do feel it is helpful to know what has triggered the anxiety (e.g. age, change in situation, pandemic etc). It's good you've got an appointment on Thursday and also good that your gp isn't worried. Hopefully the dent is due to the previous surgery. Please do let us know how Thursday goes and know that we are here for support in the mean time!

@KingaRoo Oh now what you were told does sound reassuring, especially the bunch of grapes likeness. I totally understand what you mean about the anxiety of checking - I have it too, my stomachs in knots every time I do it.

@Sojo88 I hope you're feeling better - it's strange isn't it, you feel great then worry then make yourself feel ill because you've worried, it's such a vicious cycle!

@Worriedoncemore Sorry to hear how worried you are! Please let us know how you get on on Thursday - have you been to the clinic before? It's good that your GP isn't worried though

@Mvshrln Any update on your results? I think they would hold off publishing the report if they then needed to change it - it's false economy really for them to do something then swap it for something else. Fingers crossed for positive results soon for you

So this morning I had my breast clinic appointment - he did a good examination, felt the full left one and said that everything he could feel was normal breast tissue and any pain I had is to do with the tissue growing and expanding with my pregnancy. He also said that pain isn't a sign of any cancer so I shouldn't be worrying - I practically skipped out of the examination room once he was done! I'm going to stop stressing now and go back to checking once a month. I now know my left one is lumpy and what lumps and bumps are in there, so hopefully now I won't have the monthly self check panic!

Hi @dillydallydollydaydream7 I'm so pleased your breast clinic appointment went well :) What a relief and how lucky are we that they are seeing people. I find it really helpful when they explain why something has happened e.g. the breast pain is due to tissue expanding.

I've not had an update on my results yet, and I asked their online chat who said they would update the report and then email me when it's done. I just wish it was updated now so I feel less distracted!

Thank you for replying and for the welcome.

As Thursday draws closer, the more panic stricken I feel. While I know the likelihood is all will be fine, it's the "what if" that's killing me. As I said before, I'm almost regretting going to the gp and putting myself through this as I'm pretty sure the dent has been there for years, since I had an absess removed from the same area. However, I lay awake in the early hours worrying that maybe I dreamt it being there before (unlikely) but again it's the "What if" I think maybe missing my routine mammogram due to Covid has triggered this but at least I'm getting it now.

The gp actually called today to check I'd got my appointment as she couldn't see it on her system. I started panicking that maybe she is worried when she's probably just efficient!

I'm having trouble focussing on anything else but ironically have so much on at the moment - work, child's GCSE results and people keep texting to chat & inviting me do things which normally would be welcomed but I can barely bring myself to reply. I just want to be the other side of Thursday (and then I don't in case the outcome is not what I want!)

Sorry for the ramble......

@Mvshrln Thank you yes it was nice to hear that there IS a reason for it all, honestly I came home and started ordering Christmas presents and having some normality has been lovely!

Well at least you know that they are going to update the report then - keep us informed of how you get on

@Worriedoncemore This was me! I literally put off my list making for our upcoming caravan hol, didn't want to get excited for anything because of today looming and now it's over I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Your GP sounds as though she's just very good at her job and checking on the system, also if she knows how anxious you are she's probably checking on the appointment reaching you in order to ease your mind slightly.

Good luck for Thursday for yourself and for your DC for GCSE day - welcome news that the circus of A Levels last week has been rectified!

@24dillydallydollydaydream7 thank you so much for your reply. I'm so glad your appointment went well, you must feel like a weight's been lifted from your shoulders, I hope you can now relax and enjoy your holiday.

I feel so bad that I'm more worried for myself on Thursday than DC's exams. I really hope I'm where you are now by Thursday night.

@Worriedoncemore it's not surprising you are having trouble focusing and I totally relate to you saying you wish you hadn't even gone to the gp! But it's good that you did, and good that it's not too long until the appointment. It's perfectly fine to feel this way but please do take care of yourself and be kind to yourself! Don't feel bad for worrying about yourself, but please do something nice like a nice hot bath and a pamper :) your GP sounds nice and efficient, they have your best interests at mind and they must be kind :)

@dillydallydollydaydream7 I'm so pleased you are enjoying some normality :) that feeling is lovely isn't it. I got my full blood count update which is all fine (thyroid, kidney etc all normal). Smear test result still pending though and I'm feeling more and more on edge about it.

Just want to go back to bed!!

Shouldn't have googled smear tests just scaring myself silly now.

@Mvshrln any news yet lovely?

@Worriedoncemore Good luck for tomorrow for exams and clinic - report back

So yesterday I went for a walk and got a weird pain in my chest. Was convinced it was angina or some kind of serious undiagnosed heart problem. Ridiculous.

Today I keep getting a pain in my right side, and then remembered I had felt this a few weeks ago. So now have self-diagnosed ovarian cancer. Ridiculous.

I'm so annoyed with myself and feel like such an idiot. I just want to feel normal again and stop getting so obsessed over little things that most people wouldn't even notice.

I'm just so scared of dying and leaving my DC with no Mum

So sorry you feel like this KingaRoo. It's so likely to be nothing at all but I realise that probably isn't enough reassurance! Don't forget anxiety can make you feel absolutely anything anywhere. I get chest pains and they're scary but they're so common with anxiety and I get all kinds of weird pains in my stomach too. They terrify me as well but they do go. You're not an idiot at all, please don't think badly of yourself - if we knew how to control these worries we would!

Are you able to talk to your doctor about these new concerns?

@Sojo88 is right @KingaRoo anxiety manifests into so many physical forms it's scary. Last year I remember thinking I was having a heart attack with them. My GP found my iron levels were through the floor which also causes chest pain so I was put on tablets for that, then felt better but every now and again I'd get crushing chest pains even when I didn't feel anxious, but it was still anxiety.

Are you feeling worked up about anything?

@dillydallydollydaydream7 no, nothing yet, sigh. Was talking to friends whose first smear was fine and I just feel so meh about myself and can't focus on anything whatsoever today. thank you for asking though xx

@Worriedoncemore thinking of you today! xx

@KingaRoo it's annoying when you're feeling okay and then the worry latches on to you again. I'm due on soon so my anxiety/sadness has increased as it usually does around this time. Set backs/anxieties happen, and they will go xx

Yes I've had a lot of stress the past few weeks for various reasons, including a genuine breast cancer scare and I had to wait a few weeks for an appointment. I think I'm also worrying about the DC going back to school and how safe it will be.

I'm now meant to be on holiday (staycation!) and relaxing but I can't enjoy it or relax due to these stupid worries. I just get so annoyed with myself.

I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that I've been doing all of the housework/homeschooling/looking after the DC while also working a fairly stressful job part-time. DH is great but works out of the house for long hours so everything just comes down to me. So I haven't been doing anything for me, or to help me relax, since the beginning of lockdown. I think its all just catching up with me now and my general level of anxiety is so high that I'm latching onto these little niggles and making them into big things.

I have private health insurance and can access CBT so I'm going to call them and sort out an appointment. I can't keep going on like this.

@KingaRoo I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this and hope you start to feel a bit better. I do think when you have other stresses in any area of your life it can make your anxiety worse.

I’m feeling a bit the same, had a few good days and now I’m back to analysing every ache and pain. It’s very tiring, I slept for 12 hours last night and it’s not 2.30pm and I’m exhausted and losing focus on work. And I don’t have children or homeschooling to worry about!

If you do decide to go down the road of CBT, do let us know how you find it and how you get on.

@KingaRoo great idea to access CBT if you can :) I've been having it during lockdown, specifically for health anxiety, and have found it very beneficial. Sorry to hear about the breast cancer scare, has that been sorted?

@Ashmarie I'm glad you had a good few days! Those days are lovely. I hope your anxiety only lasts a little while until you have some good days again. I think this up and down weather is exhausting too. I fell asleep early a few nights ago and feel sooo tired today too, and unable to focus on work as well.

Maybe we should all decide to do something nice for ourselves this evening. I might have a takeaway and a bubble bath (I've got some nice Lush bathbombs in the cupboard I may use)

Hello

Just coming back to update. Back from breast clinic. They were very thorough - did mammogram and ultrasound of area where dent is. Noted some tissue distortion and a tiny cyst in the area where the absess was removed from which they said makes sense, definitely no lumps or masses or anything else of concern, rest of mammogram was normal. However, they want to compare with my last mammogram to ensure no significant changes, in which case they'll do a biopsy of the area to be sure. They will ring to confirm either way next Friday. I did question why I wasn't recalled after previous mammogram if the area was of concern and was told it may well have been considered normal.

While I'm a bit disappointed that it's not all over today, I'm grateful they're being so thorough.

In other news, my son passed all his GCSES with higher grades than we were hoping for

@Worriedoncemore glad they were thorough - they really are good and thorough I generally have found. It sounds promising though, fingers crossed next Friday confirms it's nothing of concern.

Congratulations to your son on his grades :) that's such excellent news!

Still not heard back despite it being over the amount of days they said it would be. Tried to call the clinic and had to leave a voicemail. Realised absolutely no post had been delivered this week to me or anyone else in the block of flats so now wondering if I've been sent a letter with the results and potentially a follow up appointment but bloody royal mail haven't been delivering (this happened a few weeks ago too). Really beginning to lose my rag lol.

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully they will pick up your voicemail and get back to you soon.

I'm still worried about ovarian cancer due to this stomach pain. Although I then remembered i did have to lift something really heavy so probably pulled a muscle? But would the pain of a pulled muscle come and go randomly? It does feel worse when i move about.

Have managed to book a private ultrasound for 2 weeks time. Now have two weeks of worrying for something that is likely to be a muscle pain!

I'm so fed up with myself and feel so stupid

I've also made an appointment to have some counselling but have to wait another 2 weeks for that.

Really want to enjoy the last 2 weeks of the summer holidays without all this health stuff causing so much anxiety!

@Worriedoncemore It's sounds to me as though they're just very thorough wanting to compare them both, which is really good because it means they'll see what it looked like then compared to now, so although it's a wait for you, you know they're doing absolutely everything. Great news about your sons results!

@Mvshrln Ah Royal Mail have been like that here too since lockdown - post comes later than usual and we go for days without anything and then lots at once. Could you maybe turn up and ask face to face?

@KingaRoo So sorry you're feeling like this. I've always found that if you think about something hurting, it hurts 10x more because you're focusing on it with your anxiety (like my pain! I had this pain in my nipple before my clinic appointment on Monday - I haven't had it since!) Have you tried taking anything for the pain? Glad you've managed to book an ultrasound though to put your mind at rest