Health anxiety

[Mvshrln]

Hi all,

I've seen a couple of health anxiety threads on here but they're all quite old/inactive and wondered if there were any more recent ones, or if anyone fancied discussing it via this new thread? It's helpful when someone else knows how you feel.

I really struggle with HA, the thoughts bounce around my head until I fixate on one and worry about it relentlessly. I can see why the anxiety has appeared (friends parent passed away, the covid-19 situation has terrified me, I'm getting older/have life events happening like buying a house, and I also work within the hospice sector). It's helpful to know why but it doesn't help with how to deal with it! I'm currently taking venlafaxine and CBT counselling via videocall but the worry takes up huge chunks of my day.

Nightmare! How is everyone else?

Yes same at my surgery @GateauxFabulous. Get on the phone the minute they open (8am?) and resign yourself to a long wait to get through! I’m sure the GP will reassure you. But in the meantime, let’s make a pact - if you stay off google, I will too 😊.

And try not to check either. I find myself checking constantly when I have a symptom (we do it for reassurance of course) and it just ramps up the anxiety. At the moment I’m desperate to check my bruises but am trying to distract myself with chores 😬

@HildegardeCrowe haha, good pact!

Let’s check in later @GateauxFabulous to see how we’re doing

Hi all,

So sorry to hear you all suffer from HA, I had it chronic for years, excessive googling, stress, ruminating, fixating - the works. Obsessed with developing cancer. I tried ever single thing I could to overcome it, I gave up. When to the docs distraught (after many many visits about various 'ailments'). He put me on 20mg of fluoxetine, I got worse before I got better. (Took about 6 weeks). It's changed me life.

@HildegardeCrowe sounds good!

Sitting here holding back the tears convinced I have cancer... ovarian, uterine, colon...
I’m scared. Trying to be rational. Trying to convince myself that tens of thousands of people have blood tests, ultrasounds, even colonoscopies every year and they don’t all spell disaster.
Veering between thinking ‘well, why not me?’ After all I’m in my late 50s, This is when it all starts to go bad; to thinking ‘how will my family cope without me?’ Kids are adults and independent so of course they would in reality. That makes me think ‘well consider yourself lucky, there are people in their 20s and 30s battling serious illnesses.’
This is a head fuck. I can’t deal. I am feeling every tiny twinge in my abdomen. I want to go to sleep and wake up when this is all over.

@Caelano I really feel for you, I know exactly how you feel. I don't have any good advice except to say you're not alone in getting overwhelmed by these fears

@Caelano. Big hugs. I feel your pain. I’ve tried to keep busy today and it’s definitely helped. Just mundane things like buying school trousers for my son because it’s getting chilly for shorts, coloured card for my daughter’s art project and some rescue remedy for me to try. I was just a little hour in town but it was an hour not spent moping or googling. I’m not saying I was crippled with it yesterday and today I’m fine - just that today has been a better day. It’s still there don’t get me wrong. But I’ve got it in my mind that if it’s not completely better in two weeks I will make an appointment with my favourite doctor who understands that I’ve got these feelings and ask for some proper help (and maybe something to sort the piles). Believe me I don’t want a stranger’s finger up my bum but if it put my mind at ease I’ll go with it. Health anxiety is the pits. What I’ve taken from this bout though is I need to take control of what I can. So I do need to eat better, keep a healthy weight, get out for more fresh air and a little exercise - even if it’s just a few walks a week. If I have done everything in my power to stay well then
If the worst happens then I can’t blame myself.

@Caelano I’ve been investigated for uterine cancer 4 times and each time has been nothing. I’m older than you BTW. At the moment I’m terrified I have blood cancer, before that it was oral cancer, before that skin cancer and before that inflammatory breast cancer. All in the space of 5 months 😳 Cancer does seem to be everywhere but the stats are only alarming if you don’t take into account that people live longer. Your mind has been hi-jacked and your body too. We are indeed ill but almost certainly mentally and not physically. I’m terrified as well today and want it all to be over, you’re not alone. Take some deep breaths and sending you a big hand hold x

Thank you all, everything each of you has said is helping. Small steps and all that. I guess there are lots of possible reasons for pelvic discomfort and sloppy poos - but my mind is only thinking of the serious ones.
I’ve been trying to work at home today but will go for a brisk walk in a bit and try to gain some perspective

Hope you’re ok @GateauxFabulous and have managed to resist the urge! And you too @Caelano - wishing you as peaceful a night as possible. I’ve had too many sleepless nights because of HA, just want to find a bit of stability.

Thanks @HildegardeCrowe, same to you. I've resisted. I hope we all have a peaceful night

Well done. Small steps.

Hi everyone, I have been reading your posts for a while but haven’t had the courage to post before. I’ve had health anxiety for years.

I was just wondering if anyone else has really intrusive thoughts, like I was looking at Christmas decorations and started wondering if my DH would know how to decorate the house when I’m gone, just this sort of thinking. I try to remind myself that they are just intrusive thoughts caused by my anxiety but then the illogical part of my brain starts telling me they are a message or a warning.

Most of my anxiety is around breast cancers after a family history. Just when I think I’m managing to calm myself down something will pop up and bring it to the forefront of my mind again. I was watching a tv programme last night and a fairly young woman was talking about being diagnosed with breast cancer, so that was it, in my mind if she got it that young then I will too (if you see what I mean).

Thanks for listening anyway, it’s so hard to explain these feelings to someone who doesn’t suffer from this type of anxiety.

Mrswhites, I’ve only just started posting here despite knowing that I’ve had HA for years. I’ve always been scared of hospitals and doctors in an irrational way. I’ve agonised every time I’ve had a routine test (smears, or mammograms when I turned 50) and I’ve been so close to declining them because I’ve wanted to bury my head in the sand. I’m proud of myself that I’ve always had them but honestly, in the fortnight waiting for results my life is completely on hold.

I’ve always actually been pretty healthy but what’s brought me to this site is at the moment for the first time I genuinely do have scary symptoms. Loose stools and pelvic/tummy discomfort that’s gone on for a few weeks. I have an doctors appt later today and bloods being done next week and I’m terrified. My life has stopped. I’m waking up and sinking into a dark place every morning and just waiting to go to bed again- sleep is where I’m ‘safe.’ In my head I’ve diagnosed myself with a terminal disease. I’m convinced it can’t be anything else and I’ve even started the conversations with dh about how he’ll manage when I’m gone. I’m late 50s which is the complete determinator in my head: this is the age when it all starts to go bad.

What I will say is that in the short time I’ve been here I’ve found comfort and support from other wonderful posters. They just get it. How utterly debilitating HA is and how it robs you of living.
Whatever the outcome of my investigations I’m going to get counselling. Even if my symptoms turn out to be entirely treatable, this experience has shocked me to the core. It’s like All my years of anxiety have caught up with me and I’ve realised I have a massive problem with keeping things in perspective and enjoying life. Let’s face it, none of us know what is round the corner and HA is sucking all the joy out of living

@Caelano I can’t tell you how much that resonates with me about being terrified of tests. As soon as my smear test appointment arrives on the door step I become absolutely convinced that my results will be awful. I go for the test but the wait for results is absolute torture, like you say my life is totally on hold until the results arrive. I also avoid doctors like the plague. I even hate going for eye tests, just in case they find something sinister.

Good luck in your doctors appointment today. I’ve read some of your earlier posts about your symptoms, it does sound more of an irritable bowel type issue to me too but I understand it’s so hard to think and see past the health anxiety.

Welcome @MrsWhites, yes have intrusive thoughts all the time, they just pop into my head at the slightest thing. I’m hoping CBT might help. Good morning @Caelano, will be thinking of you later today. It’s scary waiting for a confirmed diagnosis but for people with HA it can be torture. Your symptoms are most likely to a non-serious cause (IBS?) so try to think of that as an alternative outcome. I’m in my own private hell too, have ongoing symptoms and not been totally reassured by the GP so will have to go back to them next week. HA is relentless ☹️ Hope you’re ok today @GateauxFabulous, keep up the good work.

I’ve realised that one thing I’ve always done is dwell on all the worst ‘what ifs’ and try to imagine myself into each scenario. When I had my first child nearly 30 years ago I remember consciously feeling ‘omg perhaps we shouldn’t have had her: I love her so much that I don’t think I can survive anything bad happening to her.’ I’d then seek out books and articles from parents whose children had had really serious illnesses or even died and try to ‘think myself’ into that position. What would it feel like? How would I cope?

I think this applies to every area of my life. I try to imagine it going wrong and how it would feel, almost as if by doing that in advance I’m protecting myself... I’ve already ‘felt it’ so it won’t be quite so awful if it happens.

I guess to some extent we all do this about the most important things in life, our children, our health, etc but for me it’s out of control.

Logically I know that imagining it in advance won’t make it easier if it happens. It’s actually just doubling the fear and worry. Wasting the time when I should be enjoying life simply because hypothetically something bad might happen.

Does this resonate with others? And has anyone had counselling or other therapy and found it’s helped? I just know that I can’t waste the rest of my life with my head in this place.

@Mvshrln It is quite exciting - thanks for your support too, it's v kind Good luck with your move, too! I feel quite satisfied when we can accomplish these things despite COVID!

It's great seeing lots of others still discovering this thread - it's partly so useful to have as when I spoke to my GP about getting on the waiting list to see a psychologist she said that's not possible at the moment - which is ridiculous really! I realise the waiting list is long and will be even longer now, but I feel - even if by phone - everyone should have someone they can talk to.

@MrsWhites I totally get intrusive thoughts - even before this pandemic I would sometimes not be able to stop thinking about members of my family dying, even though they're totally healthy and fine. I would go through periods of thinking these upsetting things and crying. Then COVID happened and I cried tons in the first few months because I was convinced I or someone I loved was going to die and I couldn't find any comfort for a while. It was so upsetting and the media is hugely to blame. I was thinking of death everyday and I even became resigned to expecting that I was going to die soon, but things are better now and I'm a bit more rational. Intrusive thoughts can be terrifying.

Yesterday I had the feelings of what felt slightly like a sore throat - I've always been really depressed if I thought I had a cold coming on but now I feel terrified! It's a day later and I don't THINK it's a cold, I think it's partly post-nasal drip or some sort of sinus problem, and partly anxiety making it 10x worse. Feel quite bothered though that I've come to the point where I fear a cold. I think if I could distract myself it might go, but - I don't know about anyone else - I find it quite hard to distract myself if I'm very worried about something!

So perhaps it’s having had you lot to talk with the last couple of days but in the last 24 hrs I’ve felt a veil lift from over me. I’ve woken up today and bizarrely have no anxious feelings at all. Earlier this week I was crippled by it. I don’t know really what’s changed or how. But I did open up to a couple of real life people, felt proactive after getting the ibs meds and being kind to myself might have helped. I’ve no doubt it will come back but I’m trying to take some lessons from this recent bout as I’ve probably validated my feelings as real more than I ever have before.

@takethegirloutofwales really pleased to hear that. You’ve been wonderful on here and I’m sure that’s the reason the veil has lifted just a little bit for me today. Just a centimetre or two! But I feel calmer, I’ve been getting on with stuff. I cleaned the kitchen earlier and didn’t think about my tummy at all and felt great. Went and sat down and instantly became conscious of every twinge and gurgle! That makes me feel anxiety must be exacerbating things. I honestly feel so much better when I’m either at work or doing something proactive at home.

@Caelanon I’ve busied myself with other people today too. My wonderful friend’s dad is dying - she’s a New Yorker and her dad is there while she is here in London. So threw myself into helping her sort a flight, sort the kids etc. Then visited my next door neighbour whose teenage daughter has some mental health issues at the moment so we helped each other i a way. And now I’m home with just an hour until the kids finish school so going to blitz the house. Not Googled symptoms once today. Haven’t felt them either.

@GateauxFabulous I think they are glands then! :) Life certainly does seem scary and precarious at times, and I've been baffled how other people can just live their lives and not worry about it all. But they are able to do that, and so are we! xx

@HildegardeCrowe It's bizarre isn't it, the things we obsess over. I'd really recommend the following website, which really helped me understand HA more. It also said how people can obsess over different things at different ages and how one of the worries can be HIV, so that helped me feel less mad!:

www.madeofmillions.com/conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder

I am on venlafaxine. Never been on it before but it's done wonders for me. I also occasionally take promethazine, which knocks me right out if I can't sleep.