Health anxiety

[Mvshrln]

Hi all,

I've seen a couple of health anxiety threads on here but they're all quite old/inactive and wondered if there were any more recent ones, or if anyone fancied discussing it via this new thread? It's helpful when someone else knows how you feel.

I really struggle with HA, the thoughts bounce around my head until I fixate on one and worry about it relentlessly. I can see why the anxiety has appeared (friends parent passed away, the covid-19 situation has terrified me, I'm getting older/have life events happening like buying a house, and I also work within the hospice sector). It's helpful to know why but it doesn't help with how to deal with it! I'm currently taking venlafaxine and CBT counselling via videocall but the worry takes up huge chunks of my day.

Nightmare! How is everyone else?

Hi @JuiceyBetty welcome to the thread! Glad to hear this is helping you feel less alone, I can totally relate! How are you feeling this week?

@Sojo88 @JuiceyBetty totally agree with emetophobia being really difficult. I can't bear it when something like that happens on tv, it's just so unnecessary to show I think and it really puts me on edge.

Glad the doctor was able to put your mind at rest, hopefully you won't worry too much longer :) That's so exciting about the new job! I think I'd be using this as an opportunity to buy cute lunch boxes and water bottles and folders etc lol. I'm waiting to hear about my moving date so when I know that I'm going to look up cute new things for the house.

Read this and wondered if I’d written it in my sleep. You sound exactly like me. People close to me dying of cancer having been fobbed off with innocent reasons for their aches and pains. Lots of life stress too. I’ve currently worked myself into a state that I have bowel cancer (it’s always cancer I fear). I had a stomach upset two and a half weeks ago and haven’t been right since but it also coincides with huge stress and life upheaval and really bad anxiety. My symptoms were loose stools 1-2 a day. I’ve been using my stomach muscles to try and hold it back/ control it and think I have some piles too. I have trapped wind (not pain) but the feeling that it struggles to come out of my bottom And I feel like my sphincter muscle can’t relax anymore. It’s all tension and stress - dr yesterday said ibs and prescribed meberevine. Have had a few thin bowel movements and of course I’m signing my own death certificate which is ridiculous I know. I google to death my symptoms until I find worst case scenarios and then dwell on those. Am hoping the pills regulate me and that I will stop stressing and if the anxiety subsided my stomach will return to normal.

@takethegirloutofwales welcome to our little group :) I'm really sorry to hear about you losing people close to you and the life stresses too. Hopefully you can feel less alone here with us xx
My fear is always cancer too and I too have worried extensively about bowel cancer to the point where I would wipe and wipe at my bum and then it began to feel really sore and itchy. Doctor checked and said there were tiny cuts where I had been rubbing at it with toilet roll :/
It's good that you can see that having an upset tummy/dodgy poops coincides during periods of stress. When we focus on something (like bottom muscles etc) it definitely feels really extreme and like you can't stop hyper focusing on the bodily functions.
Can totally relate to the extensive googling until you find the worst case scenarios - I think lots of us on this thread have done that at some point. For me I find it super important to remember that:

• not everything on the internet is true
• often internet stories do not contain all the information and may leave out additional information that is relevant to the story but they haven't included as it wouldn't read the same way
• algorhythms and google searches often show specifically chosen certain stories and websites on the first few pages
• that searching the internet excessively is not helpful for me (easier said than done though isn't it!!)

I hope your pills help and that your tummy feels a bit better soon. In the mean time, we are here! xx

@Mvshrln you’re going to make me cry. I’m sat outside in the fresh air, watching my son do his tennis lesson and funny that being somewhere with no instant loo access and around people where it would be rude to pass wind, I feel...pretty normal. Not sure how to unfocus on the feeling that my bottom muscles are clenched. But keep telling myself I am 41, I have no pain, no blood - but a load of anxiety. Doesn’t really help but hoping it may sink I at some point. Especially as I’ve self diagnosed about 8 cancers since lockdown and none of them have turned into anything.

@Mvshrln I'd love to be buying new things for my job but I'm in a tricky situation! I've had very little money for ages so won't really be able to buy any nice things until I get my first wage but it will be really nice when I can! Also the flat I'm moving into won't be available until a month after my job starts so I'm having to stay somewhere temporarily in this new area (about 7 hours away from where I currently live!) and then my family are planning to drive down in a van with my things when I can move into the flat - I'm just anxious in case there's some sort of lockdown which prevents them from doing that and means I'm moving into an empty flat - which could even remain empty over Christmas if restrictions get really bad...but that's worse case scenario and once I am settled in my job and my flat I will feel more relaxed than I have in a while! Are you moving to a new area for your job, or is it near where you already live?

I already feel better about my leg issue, and already feel silly about phoning the doctor yesterday! I knew I would, but I also told myself that it's better to feel silly about phoning than to become very ill because I didn't check with the doctor! It's funny, yesterday when I was worried about my leg it felt weird all day and today I've hardly noticed it. Why do our minds do this to us?!

And I thought it was just me.....I’m sorry the dreaded HA is affecting so many of you but glad I’m not alone. I’m currently off work because my HA is so bad. I’m a medical secretary and love my job but it probably doesn’t help my condition. I’ve had easy bruising recently (actually this is nothing new), so went to the GP and had blood tests which were all normal. But I’ve had a couple of small bruises since and am convinced I have leukaemia or multiple myeloma (which my dad died of). I google and check constantly for reassurance which always backfires.

It’s constant with me, every symptom is likely something serious and I totally panic and run to the doctor. I’ve just started CBT and so hope it can help because my life is so severely impacted by this. I’m ashamed of having HA because there’s still an element of it being seen as hyperchondria but knowing that it affects so many people does take some of that shame away. I do hope we can all find a way of getting better.

Can I join in? I’ve finally acknowledged to myself that I have pretty bad HA. I’ve kind of always known at the back of my mind but recent events have made me confront it.

@takethegirloutofwales I could have written your post. I’ve felt ‘not quite right’ for about 2 or 3 weeks. Abdominal discomfort and loose stools. Trouble is, the more I focus on it, the worse I’m probably making - anxiety and stress always seems to affect the stomach first!

I’m drawn towards googling, despite knowing it’s a really bad idea; then i work myself up to a state of utter terror- oh god it’s a vicious circle. I’ve got a doctor appt and they’ll do bloods as well. It’s shit through,

@Caelano. In which case a hug from you to me. It is totally shit and I hate knowing how much precious time I spend worrying. I think the more time I spend googling and believe me I’ve done that so much this week to the point of obsession and not doing my day job. Today I refuse to google any symptom. The pills from the doc seem to be helping with having better bowel movements. Still on the softer side for me but this morning a proper well formed bowl movement has at least taken the fear of pencil thin stools away for now at least. I have got a bit of trapped wind still and I actually think I have piles from all the loo visits but I am trying to approach the day with a fresh head and tell myself that’s probably all it is. I even managed to eat breakfast this morning (egg on toast so a proper breakfast at that). I’m hoping the less I worry the more normal my stomach will become. I’ve got three weeks worth of tablets so if they seem to do the job the. Problem solved. If not, I’ll go back but stress that I need to deal with the anxiety as much as if not more so than my bowels.

@takethegirloutofwales that sounds like a lovely eve being out and enjoying the fresh air with your son :) it's SO hard not to focus on part of your body when you don't want to! I had an achey leg for a while (so I diagnosed myself with bone cancer - same as you that I've diagnosed myself with a lot of illnesses over the past few months). But I could NOT stop focusing on my leg and it was driving me nuts and making me feel sooo ill and out of body! The pain went away in the end though, I think I'd made it sore from the amount of walking I did at the beginning of lockdown (cos there wasn't much else to do was there!). The way you are approaching it is helpful where you are acknowledging the anxiety and using facts to help your mind.

@Sojo88 ooh well you can enjoy getting used to your job then look forward to a couple of treats after payday :) it sounds like your family are nice and supportive which is lovely and I'm pleased your leg is feeling okay now! It sounds like a big but really exciting change moving away and the new job, I bet you're really looking forward to it! I'm not moving far, but we have just bought a house which is so exciting. I'm actually working from home until March next year because my office is in London and they've closed so many places :( It's fine though, it's just something to get used to.

@HildegardeCrowe you definitely aren't alone and I am glad you've found your way here xx I'm really sorry to hear about your dad xx your job sounds really interesting and I can understand why you think it might not help with the HA. I work in hospice care and massively struggled with work when I began experiencing severe HA (I was signed off work too). Youre right about the constant need for reassurance backfiring - that's a huge aspect of HA where you get a short period of relief from the anxiety then your mind just wants even more reassurance! Keep going with the CBT, I've been having it as well and honestly it's been incredibly helpful.

@Caelano welcome :) of course you can join! I know we all feel rubbish with health anxiety but honestly it's so helpful when we know we aren't alone and we can relate to other people. I'm glad you've got a doctors appointment and getting blood tests done, hopefully they will help you. Btw I can really relate to the utter terror - I've been in an absolute state after googling where my body has just gone cold.

Hope everyone has a good day or is able to have a bit of rest xx

Thank you for the warm welcome. Unfortunately I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t get back to sleep, just lay worrying for hours. So now I’m wiped out as well as scared and I don’t know how much that’s exacerbating things. Got up at 8 am, desperately hoping that I’d have a normal straightforward bowel movement. It wasn’t- loose stools again. I’m now sitting here going out of my mind with worry. Every little twinge in my tummy is terrifying. Doctor appt is tomorrow and then bloods and stool sample next week. I’m in my late 50s and I’ve convinced myself this is it: I’m at the age when statistically all the bad stuff kicks in. I can’t imagine waking up and feeling ‘normal’ again. It’s so utterly debilitating.

@Caelano. So here’s the thing. I’m great at catastrophising my own life but also good at having perspective on other people’s. All my googling has made me realise it’s actually a real thing that ibs can kick in at any age. I’ve also read more than I thought possible about the link between the brain and the gut and how it has its own nervous system. I’ve realised that the more I worry about having a normal poo, the more difficult it becomes because a poo is meant to be an involuntary movement but once you start hyperfocussing on it you also start trying to control it. My bottom muscles are exhausted and I think trying to hold it in for fear of a loose stool has played further havoc. I convinced myself last night that I must have a blockage. Then went on to have some really satisfying farts so thought perhaps I was over worrying a little. I still feel even after this mornings bowel movement that I’d like to go and have another one but that’s just because every sensation seems heightened at the moment. I have to tell myself there is no blood, no exhaustion, nothing other than loose stools and some piles. Of course I expect it to go back to normal at some point And if it doesn’t then obviously it needs more exploring. But right now I’m taking the small wins - and hopefully the less I worry the more back to normal things will become.

Thank you @takethegirloutofwales it’s really helpful to hear this. Whatever’s going on in my gut, I need to find a way to carry on with living rather than catastrophising about illness and dying. I need to find a way to deal with this.
Physically, my symptoms feel very much like a low level tummy upset. Tummy discomfort, loose stools, generally under the weather. It’s the fact it’s not gone away which scares me. But as you say, my anxiety and lack of sleep and almost anticipating that I’m inevitably going to have loose stools is probably making it worse. I didn’t know IBS can kick in at any age, so it could be that, or I guess there are some gastric infections that just take a while to clear. And then of course there’s the more scary stuff. Rationally I tell myself I’ve done the right thing by booking the doctor. The irrational part of me wants to hide under the bedclothes and stick my fingers in my ears and pray I just feel normal again.
Whatever the outcome of this episode I am definitely going to seek counselling for my HA

Hello everyone, I hope you all manage to get through the day without too much anxiety. Mvshrln thank you for your warm welcome and it must be so hard working in hospice care with HA. Can I ask how long you were off work for and did you tell them it was specifically for HA? I’ve told my employer that I have severe anxiety (I do have GAD as well which is manageable) but struggle to tell them about my HA because I don’t think they’ll take it seriously.

Today I’m trying very hard not to check my symptoms (unexplained bruises) and stay off t’internet. I’m on the highest dose of Pregabalin which helps a little.

Caelano I know exactly what you mean about waking up and not feeling ok. It sucks but we can get better. You mentioned counselling and CBT is highly recommended for HA. I’ve just started this on the NHS and am hopeful.

@Caelano. Me too. Because I know whenever I get over this particular obsession another one will eventually take its place. And this is no way to live. I very much intend to live to be 100. But what if we found out tomorrow our days were numbered. How cross we would be that we’d wasted so much time worrying rather than living. I read something yesterday that said something like ‘worrying that it’s cancer isn’t going to make it cancer’ in the same way as hoping it’s not won’t make it disappear’. So I guess the message is there’s no point ignoring symptoms but also not to second guess them either. This is where I’ve come to realise I am a control freak and because we cannot control our Heath, that’s why I spiral. My gp said to give it six weeks. My stomach trouble kicked off three weeks tomorrow. I had my vegetarian friend over and bought some
M&S plant kitchen Kievs (which were delicious by the way). But within minutes of eating I had to rush to the loo. I had diarrhea three times that night but loose stools since (only once/ twice a day) not excessive. But unlike my usual. Some say that soya produce can really disagree with some stomachs and I haven’t eating any soya or Quorn in years so it might have kickstarted something. I’d also started a few weeks earlier taking Agnus Cactus supplements to try and improve pmt. they might also have screwed me up. But the terror and worry of my anxiety I am sure has created the most upset. I’ve had stomach ache over night where I often get it just to the right of my belly button. It’s a deep gut ache. But it comes and goes. Sometimes bothers me a couple of days a week. Or I won’t have it for months. If I had to take a guess is wonder if it was gallbladder related. But for now it’s just a tummy ache because I’m a bit backed up from trying to withhold my bowel movements. As long as I am having one fairly normal movement a day, I’ll start relaxing. It is not easy. This past week I’ve felt so close to a panic attack I had to come clean with my DH and explain how bad it’s all got. Talking helps. Also I’ve been stuck inside the house moping so today I am going to go out, forget work, and walk as I hear that gets your digestive system going too.

So agree takethegirloutofwales - I too get over one obsession and then wait till the next. I might have a brief reprieve of a few days but during that time I’m telling myself it’s only a matter of time until I find the next thing. It really is no way to live! We need to try and rewire our brains to effect permanent change.

And distraction too like walking and concentrating on mundane tasks and meditating regularly. ATM I’m only managing 10 mins meditation a day but they say you have to keep at it and build up slowly.

@HildegardeCrowe. I’d love to feel like I was the sort of person who could meditate. Just not sure I can clear my mind. I spend the time thinking ‘clear your mind - don’t think anything - argh now I’m thinking about it thinking’. I’m the same when I go for a nice relaxing massage though. The whole time I’m thinking ‘this is nice but I don’t want it to end’ and spend the duration wondering how long it’s going to go on for.

Hi all, I'm really suffering at the moment and very triggered. I've been anxious about every cancer you could think of. At the moment I'm struggling with anxiety about my throat. I can feel two lumps either side of my neck under my jaw. Because there's one on each side I'm hoping they're normal structures, maybe salivary glands, but I can find anything helpful online and can't get a doctors appt.

It's got worse since I had children and spilling over into unmanageable now. It helps to hear others have the same compulsions though I'm sorry to hear it too

Hello @GateauxFabulous, know exactly how you feel - I’ve had every cancer under the sun! Do try not to google any further - that way madness lies. If the “lumps” are on both sides that’s probably a good sign but we’re not doctors on here. How come you can’t get an appointment? My GP offers everyone who calls in a telephone triage appointment and then if required, will see you face to face. What system does your GP have?

@takethegirloutofwales, I struggle with meditation too, I’m constantly thinking about how much longer I’ve got left and my mind wanders all over the place. Apparently we shouldn’t be demoralised by this and just try to refocus on the breathe. So acknowledge the thoughts you’re having, don’t try to push them away but just try to let them go, and come back to the breath. Practice makes perfect but I’m a long way from perfect!

@HildegardeCrowe so I was off for 2 weeks in total, although I did have a doctors note for 3 weeks off if I needed it. For one week, I spent each day in bed until midday, panicking and googling everything. I'd then get up, have a bath and go for a miserable walk where I felt awful. I'd come home and have a cup of tea then fall asleep again. At one point I wandered into A&E (terrible considering we're in a pandemic) and cried and cried there for hours until a doctor saw me and thought I was a bit mad (which I was/am!). It wasn't until I got on some medication (I was also prescribed some sleeping tablets too as I was waking in the night in panic) and started CBT that I slowly began to feel better. I didn't actually tell my work it was because of health anxiety, but I said it was from severe anxiety and I have mentioned my HA before so they probably put 2 and 2 together.

I'm the same where my obsessions move from one thing to another, and Ive done it my whole life! Like when I was a teenager and began having sex I would be convinced I was pregnant (which seemed like an awful thing at the time) then convinced I had AIDs (no idea why I thought that). When I was a kid I was convinced the world was ending, that my parents would go out for dinner and be killed on their way home etc. Very catastrophic behaviour and thinking.

@takethegirloutofwales corr I love your comment about satisfying farts gotta love that feeling! That's one great thing about working from home - I can trump away in peace haha!!

For mediation - I actually found the Headspace app quite nice to use. Also reflexology is amazing for letting your mind go and stop worrying for a short while.

I really feel for you guys struggling with your bowel movements. A few months ago I had a really big and painful poop and it tore a bit and left some blood when I wiped. Needles to say I was absolutely terrified and in bits but the doctor said it can happen and to get some stool softeners so I did and anxiously waited to see if it would happen again. Well I didn't bloody go for another poo for about 5 days!! My mind and bum clearly knew I wanted to check and it was like "nope, I'm gonna clench up"

Hi @GateauxFabulous welcome xx the lumps you feel - are they underneath near the back of your jaw? just had a feel of my neck/jaw and I can feel 2 soft lumps either side on me. I've heard HA can get worse when you have children, or after a major life event (plus the blimmin pandemic has made it worse for everyone) so it's totally normal but of course not helpful as you don't want to feel this way. I hope you can see a doctor soon, and perhaps they can explain what the lumps are.

Hi @Mvshrln yes, that's where they are! Near the back of the jaw but under, so kind of on the neck. You're so sweet to check you're own. Yes it's having the kids and being terrified of leaving them. I'm also very anxious about their health. Suddenly life seems scary and precarious and I imagine a lot of worst case scenarios all the time. I'm not sure how to stop!

Thanks @HildegardeCrowe - you have to ring really early to get an appt and they run out of spaces so quick. Will have to try again but tomorrow I'm working so it's pot luck!

Thanks for sharing all that @Mvshrln. It’s uncanny how much of what you describe I can relate to. I too was terrified I had AIDS (for no reason at all) and had an HIV test. I’m sorry it was so bad you had to go to A&E but sometimes we just can’t control how terrified we feel. Can I ask what medication you’re on? Glad you’re feeling better and that the CBT is helping.