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Mental health

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Original poster

moved house and v.lonely

9 replies

iloveknitting · 19/09/2007 18:24

ive recently moved to a new area with my dh and i hate it. i've left all my family and friends behind, i lived there all my life and really miss home. i hate our new area, everyone here is really posh and snooty and i have absolutly nothing in common with them, i want to go back to where people have a local accent and don't care what car you have or if you shop at boden or house of frazer.
Will it get easier when the baby arrives and i go to mother and baby groups?

OP posts:

stickyj · 19/09/2007 18:25

Hi don't feel down. We're here and if you could hint where you are, I'm sure one of is nearby.

MadLabOwner · 19/09/2007 18:27

Yes it will get much easier when your baby is here. Are you due soon? Join the NCT if you can, and go to their antenatal classes, this will give you a local group who can become some of your best friends.

Tortington · 19/09/2007 18:28

it just gets easier with time. i felt exactly what you are feeling whe imoved 300 miles from my home town up north to down south.

i'll tell you what helped me enormouusly - was meeting other mumsnetters for a drink.

they were and still are farking brilliant. there are quite a few of us now - but i can honestly say in those early days mumsnetters such as Mabs and CAM did more than they ever knew.

so i think maybe in that vein - if you start to meet other mums - maybe it will help.

or maybe you could try for a meet up in your area?

MadLabOwner · 19/09/2007 18:28

Sorry meant to say the NCT isn't necessarily full of middle class 30 something women either

janestillhere · 19/09/2007 18:28

I'd probably feel the same, but give it time.
I bet if you get these women on their own for a chinwag you'll find they're almost human! Where are you?

Niecie · 19/09/2007 18:33

I was in the same position when DS1 was 15 months old. You will get used to it but it will take time. Having a baby is a great leveller and hopefully if you remain looking open and approachable you will eventually make friends.

If you get the chance, go to antenatal classes or join the NCT and go to their classes to meet people.

Once the baby is born try and find a mother and baby group where you feel comfortable. Don't give up going the first week if you don't feel you fit in as it takes time. Eventually you will start talking to you or, if not wait until the next new person joins the group and make an effort to talk to them as they will probably feel out of their depth too and will appreciate you talking to them.

We lived away from 'home' so to speak for 2.5 years and I was actally quite sad to leave in the end as I was proud of myself for building a life for myself. DS2 was also born there and that really helped to make us fit in so I expect the birth of your dc will do the same for you.

Good luck.

Original poster

iloveknitting · 19/09/2007 18:36

im in the surrey area. im also very shy, i think i have some sort of social phobia as the thought of going to a group meeting and trying to start conversations really scares me. im worried that this phobia will rub off on my child and turn him into one of those weirdos you see trailing after their ancient mums.

OP posts:

Niecie · 19/09/2007 20:23

I must admit for a long time I had conversations with DS at these groups rather than with any grown up! Being with him covered up my feelings of social inadequacy. But just being out helped to feel less miserable. I didn't want to move, didn't think DH job was going to be all he was promised (I was right) and I knew nothing at all about the area but you have to make an effort for your own mental health. It is very hard but worth it in the end.

The good thing about antenatal and NCT groups is that your DH can go with you so you will have some moral support until you feel more comfortable.

Could your midwife/HV help find some groups to go to as well?

kittylouise · 19/09/2007 20:33

You have all my sympathy, I know how you feel. I moved from my home town (small town at that) and I found it very difficult to settle, I love it here and it is a lovely place to live, but it is very different from a small coastal town in Devon! It was just things like not being able to see my friends, knowing everyone was 150 miles away that made it hard. Also I am a complete prat when it come to directions, and I got lost driving around for months. It made me so homesick and depressed.

The only thing I can say is that it DOES get easier. I found it very difficult to make friends as I work full time and then have to care for dd, so leaves very little social time, and I never meet any of the other parents from school. But somehow you make one friend, then you arrange to join a club or something, and it somehow just clicks.

It is hard though.

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