DP has quite severe depression and anxiety, he's getting CBT over the phone once a week but I don't think its enough.
90% of the time he is miserable and often ask what the point of life is and that he isn't happy. He has often told me that he has suicidal thoughts.
We live together and I have two DC from previous relationship. They are amazing children and people often tell me how thoughtful, polite and helpful they are, and are amazed at how well they talk to other adults. But DP has a go at the all the time. I can see in their faces how upset they are every time he picks up on something, like they can't do anything right. I feel it too, but if I stick up for them DP tells me I'm pushing him away and never back him up (I do all the time, even when I don't agree with him, which hurts and goes against all my maternal instincts).
But it's not just that. I cannot make him happy, none of us can and I just feel so helpless and feel like I'm just making him worse and wonder if he would be happier on his own. Sometimes we get the odd day here and there where he seems back to his old self but it never lasts. Every morning I hope with all my might that we will have a good day, sometimes it happens and its incredible.
I'm 12 weeks pregnant after having several MMC over the past few years. This is the furthest we've ever got with a pregnancy together and baby is doing really well so far. But I can't enjoy it or embrace it as DP won't enjoy it as he just thinks it will go wrong, or even that it will go right. I can't even talk about it.
If I try and bring any of this up, he tells me its 'all about you isn't it' so I have to keep my feelings to myself in fear of being branded selfish. Or that his feelings are worse than mine. But at the same time he tells me I never talk so I can't win.
I'm exhausted and have no one to talk to about this. I don't know how much longer I can cope with it and I just feel so upset for the DC. even asked my youngest how he would feel if we left DP, that they are my priority, and he said he'd be really upset and he doesn't want that to happen, so I know they love him.
I know its not DP's fault and he's trying to get help through CBT and he says he loves me, but I worry for our future especially as serious mental health issues run in his family. I don't know if I can manage it much longer and it seems to be getting worse, and it will inevitably do so once baby is here 
, and of course the pregnancy hormones are not helping right now.
Should I talk to my midwife? Go to my GP? I just don't know.