How to get out of this

[Nomoreofthis123]

My mental health is crashing and has been over the last week.
I'm not in the UK and have no GP or therapist I can contact. I exercise outside every day but that doesn't seem to improve anything.
My DH is helping with practical things like chores but has no idea how to help with how I feel (one reason for my recurring bouts of depression is the error I made marrying someone so devoid of emotion).
Suicidal ideation is now hourly instead of daily. I know I can't and won't do that as I need to be here for the kids - but knowing I'm stuck like this is dragging me further down.
I tried speaking to friends but their 'It will all be ok in the end, we all feel like this' responses are making me rage. I've cut them off because I can't hear that cheerful shit right now. I feel so out of touch with the accepted 'Blitz spirit' that the suicidal ideation gets worse. And so it goes round and round. I'm trapped in every sense of the word. Any ideas appreciated.

So sorry you're feeling like this OP. You know therapists are seeing people online now? Would that be an option for you?

I agree that you need help from someone who knows what they're talking about. As @onalongsabbatical said, many mental health professionals are doing online consultations (and are probably glad of the work tbh). There are websites where you can search for counsellors and read about them and contact them online. I've done this before and they normally email back within a day, especially if you're really struggling.

Other than that - you are doing the right things by exercising, making sure you are leaving the house and keeping a routine going.

I hope you will reach out to someone. Believe me it's a lot better to talk to a therapist than to a partner or friends. Your DP and friends don't know how to help you but there are people that do

No idea where to start finding an 'online therapist'. Do I just google? How do I know they are real/right for me/not a rip off?

When I had talking therapy previously my therapist advised (well he reflected that he could see) that the thing that was most beneficial to my mental health (aside from working which I'm still doing when kids and chores allow) was time away from the kids, seeing friends, holidays. The 'new normal' from this virus has completely fucked all of that. I'm trapped being a shit parent with no end in sight. I genuinely don't see the point of living like this. Nothing to look forward to.

I'm aware of the terrible suffering of others and people far worse off than me. That just makes me think the world doesn't need me and the kids don't need a mother who doesn't even like them. I am a literal waste of oxygen. I'd rather be dead than be trapped in this misery.

No no no - you are not a waste of oxygen, you poor thing, I'm so sorry you feel like that.
Re finding an online therapist - do you want one in the UK or where you are or don't care just want to try and find one? I can drum up some links that might help give me a bit of time. Pease hang in there my lovely..

Ok this is from the UK Council for Psychotherapy website showing that their members will largely be geared up for online work.

www.psychotherapy.org.uk/ukcp-news/midweek-mindset/information-about-coronavirus-covid-19/

And here is their Find a Therapist page.

www.psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist/

They are a reputable national body that has been in existence over 30 years to my knowledge. Disclosure - I am a retired therapist. Been retired for years so this is no longer a professional interest to me and I'm not part of any of this any more, I just still know my way round the field.
Also I felt similar to what you're describing thirty years ago when my littlest was little, and psychotherapy saved my life.
Please take care of yourself. I will post more links if you can't find what you want there.

UK I think. (I looked in to this previously and there was some issue with advising across borders and licenses or insurance or something but anyway). I don't speak the language here and therapists willing to work in English are vanishingly rare. My previous one wasn't very good but was all I could find. I've been mentally fucked up for years. Actually can't do life in the form that's being imposed on me now.
Husband is great with the kids so I only make things worse 🤷🏼‍♀️

So sorry to hear you’re feeling so shit. I get it, I’ve been there.

There might be a number here if your country is listed:

www.befrienders.org/

If not, if just email the Samaritans in the UK for support. It’s [email protected]

Keep posting here. People are here for you and want to support.

My youngest is 8. If parenting was for me I'd have enjoyed it by now.

Not sure what your lockdown rules allow but could you take yourself off for a walk that lasted most of the day? To get a breather from it all? Maybe even arrange to accidentally on purpose bump into someone you trust to chat to. I know I’ll get flamed for suggesting that but fuck it, if you’re feeling so bad then I’d totally do that. I’d go and move in with someone else or pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere if I thought it would help.

I'm working full time. I actually like my job. I'm far better suited to it than I am to parenting.
I've cut my friends off because I can't bear to hear 'it's shit for everyone, we just need to get on with it' 'you don't really feel that way' etc. makes me rage and I'm thoroughly unpleasant to be around.

So the day out and bumping into folk is a no go.
I do go for a run but hate coming home.

Did you see the links I posted? We cross posted, you might have missed them.

Thanks onalong - I'll look at them tonight - need to finish working and deal with kids first.

That just makes me think the world doesn't need me and the kids don't need a mother who doesn't even like them

From someone who has experienced a friend's suicide please, please don't think like this. I know you feel like a burden but, believe me, the burden of suicide is so much greater. The parents and girlfriend of the guy I know who committed suicide will never, ever get over it. It breaks your heart forever.

This lockdown will not last forever and you can get through this. You are stronger than you think you are. Prioritise your mental health and if you need a day away from the family to spend 5 hours on a long sunny walk someone in nature then do it.

Your friends are giving you terrible advice by saying "it's shit for everyone". It's not shit for everyone and it's a serious struggle for some people that should not be underestimated. Please reach out to a professional to talk about this.

I have nothing constructive and no advice so I apologise for that.

I just wanted to say that you're not alone and I feel the same. I don't enjoy parenting, I'm not good at it and my mental health suffers when I have to be around my child 24/7. It's devastating and it's the biggest reason I have depression. I've never tried therapy and just get on with antidepressants. Please know you're not alone.

How are you now @Nomoreofthis123 ?

I also had to deal with a bit of work and kids but am here for a bit now and also around tmrw

Be kind to yourself

It’s good that you like your job. The kids will eventually go back to school and you can get on with doing what you enjoy and what you’re good at. Hold onto that if you can.

Sorry if it’s not helpful, but I do believe in a bit of “when you’re going through hell, keep going”. I have spent many a day, week, month just getting though the days in any way I can until things get better- and they always do. It’s crap waiting in the meantime, I know that.

Thanks I'm ok. Things ease once kids are in bed and I feel more accepting that I simply can't have the life I want.

I've looked at the links for therapists and I can't get it to work. I need to lie and pretend I'm in the UK (fine) but then I need to select type of therapy and most of them I haven't heard of - even if I pick loads it says none in your area. I haven't got the patience to keep messing with it.

I'm off to sleep soon. Hate bed time. I wake through the night with my heart racing - so anxious about everything.

Hi @Nomoreofthis123 I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I can PM you the details of my counsellor who is really lovely and who does online sessions.

I have been listening to various podcasts. My current one is quite helpful I think (I haven’t finished listening) and is about the grief at the change to our normality that we are all having to deal with. It might be helpful? The link is below.

I know it feels like this will never end and I feel like that too, but it will. Some countries are already easing their lockdowns and we will all get there.

player.fm/series/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris-172966/ep-240-why-were-all-grieving-and-how-to-deal-with-it-david-kessler

I don’t know is this helps OP but - You are not alone!!! There are other people out there who feels this way- me for one! We aren’t all jollying ourselves along telling ourselves that everything will be fine and this will all be over soon. The current situation is not ok. It’s ok to not be ok.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

I would not feel like this if it was not for coronavirus. So hide me in the mental health section if you like, I probably won't bother posting again.

It's fine to post about the physical health effects of corona virus in the 'corona virus' section, so why not mental health?

It's the ticking time bomb no-one wants to mention. Unless we start returning to normal soon, the health effects of ignoring all other conditions, mental and physical, and the economic effects of trashing the economy for a generation will make 1000 deaths a day look like child's play.

I agree that your post should remain in the coronavirus section Nomoreofthis.

Well said @Nomoreofthis123. The thread should stay be in Coronavirus @MNHQ

Absolutely agree @Nomoreofthis123. Well said

So sorry you're having such a tough time, it's such a strange period and there's no right way to handle things! I would recommend 7 cups, it's an app that you can either arrange paid therapy, or there are "listeners" where you can just talk through whatever is going on for you. Might be worth a try!