How to get out of this

[Nomoreofthis123]

My mental health is crashing and has been over the last week.
I'm not in the UK and have no GP or therapist I can contact. I exercise outside every day but that doesn't seem to improve anything.
My DH is helping with practical things like chores but has no idea how to help with how I feel (one reason for my recurring bouts of depression is the error I made marrying someone so devoid of emotion).
Suicidal ideation is now hourly instead of daily. I know I can't and won't do that as I need to be here for the kids - but knowing I'm stuck like this is dragging me further down.
I tried speaking to friends but their 'It will all be ok in the end, we all feel like this' responses are making me rage. I've cut them off because I can't hear that cheerful shit right now. I feel so out of touch with the accepted 'Blitz spirit' that the suicidal ideation gets worse. And so it goes round and round. I'm trapped in every sense of the word. Any ideas appreciated.

It's true that your friends don't understand. Not everyone has the same lockdown experience. But that doesn't mean they don't care

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Does your employer have an assistance scheme? I managed to get a few counselling sessions arranged through that.

OP, I hope you're still there, even though MN moved your thread (I've asked them to move it back).

I know too well the feeling of having married someone devoid of emotion. What has helped me there, unless of course you want to actually leave him, is to lower my expectations, and focus on the things he is good at. You say your DH is helping with chores - is he doing at least his fair share?

Can you sit him down with a bit of a "I am really struggling" chat "I know you're not great at understanding/doing the motional piece, but here's what you can do to help...."

Hand the parenting over to him for a while?

Also, maybe with the children, if you can absolve yourself of pressure and guilt for most of the day but resolve to spend one quality hour (or half hour) with them in the evening? I think quality is more important that quality. Try to engineer the time as something you also enjoy - not something you don't want to do!