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Original poster

To think I deserved it so dh shouldn’t be annoyed?

34 replies

Stupidanduseless · 22/03/2020 18:32

Dh has been a bad mood all day, I guess like most of us he’s worried although he’s always got a short temper. He didn’t get up until 1pm and then I did something stupid - unintentionally, I mean I made a decision that was stupid but I didn’t do it to annoy him - and he lost his temper. Told me I was selfish and stupid and then not to talk to him because he was angry. Told me I don’t put my family first and I’m useless.
Afterwards I self harmed, not that badly, mainly bruises, some cuts. He’s annoyed again, I didn’t show him but he’s just seen. The bruises are quite noticeable and big but will usually be covered so it’s not a problem. I just think - I deserve it.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/03/2020 18:33

Did you go shopping?

Are you getting help for your self harming?

funnylittlefloozie · 22/03/2020 18:34

You didnt deserve it (unless you deliberately and maliciously harmed a child), and he is unreasonable. Are you afraid of him?

Original poster
Stupidanduseless · 22/03/2020 18:36

No I didn’t go shopping.
I gave something we had enough of to my parents (not toilet roll 😬) - not all of what we have but some of it - as they are elderly with health problems and I don’t know when I will see them again. And they shouldn’t be going out. Even for groceries.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 22/03/2020 18:40

Well, your husband is abusive. So what you think is normal will actually be way, way out of the realms of normal. You cannot trust your own judgement.

You didn't do something stupid. You have enough of what you shared. You behaved like a decent person.

You need help to get away from your abusive husband.

claffy123 · 22/03/2020 18:42

Sorry, am I missing something? Which part of sharing food with elderly vulnerable people was stupid? And in whose mind would anything make you ‘deserve’ self-harm? I’m thinking you’re angry with the wrong person here....

Imapotato · 22/03/2020 18:44

Your husband is abusive.

You did a kind thing for your parents. You are a good person and he is a dick.

MitziK · 22/03/2020 18:44
  1. He's being a dick
  1. SH isn't going to help him not be a dick or you to cope. The last thing you need at the moment is to accidentally require medical attention for SH. It might feel in the moment that it helps, but it really doesn't.
PinkiOcelot · 22/03/2020 18:49

OP your husband is a nasty bully.
No you didn’t deserve to self harm. Because he shouldn’t be making you feel like this.
I hope you get rid. Definitely an abusive bully.

Winter2020 · 22/03/2020 18:52

I'm sorry that your husband treats you like this. It sounds like you just tried to do something kind and that it isn't leaving your own household in hardship. Perhaps you want to use a bit of your time in social distancing to decide if you want to leave him?

1066vegan · 22/03/2020 18:56

You showed care to your elderly parents. That was not stupid.

Even if you had done something stupid, you wouldn't deserve to SH and you wouldn't deserve for your "d"h to lose his temper.

Op, I'm really worried for you. You said that he's always got a short temper. We're likely to go into lock down. That could make him frustrated and more abusive.

Do you have anywhere safe you can go?

Shoxfordian · 22/03/2020 18:58

It wasn't stupid to do that op
Have you had support before for self harm? Can you find some help again? He's a dick

maddening · 22/03/2020 18:59

Do you have dc?

bananafish · 22/03/2020 19:09

Have you looked after yourself? Checked your cuts and bruises carefully; cleaned them, dressed them? It's really important to take care of those injuries - you know that.

Does anyone else know that you SI? A friend? Anyone that you can talk to now? Are you safe? Will you be able to stop for today?

recover your life is a good resource to try.

Your husband's part of the problem but be safe for you, first.

Hopeandglory · 22/03/2020 19:09

We have not hoarded but we have a good amount of items, we share anything that we can, either I or DH offers neither of us tell the other that it is not exceptable, we are a partnership in unusual times and we share what we have with those that need, either family or friends

Mordred · 22/03/2020 19:30

Your 'D'H is an arsehole who walks like a man. You need to get away from him if you can. You do NOT deserve that. He's the person who's supposed to love you the most.

Mordred · 22/03/2020 19:43

It's not happened in Italy - it won't here. There is PLENTY of food etc and no need for looting at all. The shelves will restock once the arseholes have stopped panic buying.

Mordred · 22/03/2020 19:44

Ops wrong thread - please delete MN!

sunshinemachine · 22/03/2020 19:45

ur dh is abusive

UnaCorda · 22/03/2020 19:54

So your husband is short-tempered and abusive towards you when all you have done is to help your elderly parents and you react by self-harming. That sounds like an extremely unhealthy dynamic.

zombieapocalypseisnigh · 22/03/2020 20:05

Wow. Your husband is an abusive twat and I hope you can get rid of him when it's safe to do so.

Neverender · 22/03/2020 20:07

Yeah, he's a wrong-un and you did nothing wrong

BrowniesAreSuper · 22/03/2020 20:16

OP I feel like there is so much more behind your message. Well done for reaching out even if it was only on mumsnet. Nobody will tell you you were in any way in the wrong as you weren't. You don't deserve to self-harm and you don't deserve to feel that way.
Please contact somebody who will be in a better place to help you as well, a charity helpline maybe? (I'm sure other posters will know this better than me). Talking to somebody will help things become clearer and they can advise on what to do next.
Please don't stop at putting a message on here, take the next step and get help.
Sending love x

BeenThereDone · 22/03/2020 20:27

Well he is a right charmer isn't he.... You did nothing wrong... Sharing with your elderly parents is a problem for him then you need to rethink keeping him around... Especially affecting your mental health that way

Pembsgirl · 22/03/2020 20:33

Like everyone else, I just want to say that what you did wasn't silly, it was an act of love for your parents and should be lauded, not complained about. As for your OH getting angry, well it instantly makes me think he's probably one of those who's gone out panic buying to make sure that HE'S alright, sod anyone else, and begrudges something that he can spare, just in case HE should need it.

Please, please, if you possibly can stop harming yourself, I know it's a big ask, but there is normally help out there, it's just a shame you didn't tell us what he's like before this virus took hold, but once it's all over, not only try and get help for your SH but also see if you can find a way of getting rid of him, he is the cause of your problems!

browzingss · 22/03/2020 20:35

I’ve said from the beginning that self isolation/social distancing/lockdown etc will be truly awful for people living in abusive situations. I’m so sorry op. I have no idea what to suggest, you did nothing wrong by giving your parents food and no sane partner would make you feel bad about that, particularly as older people are vulnerable